Post # 1
This is a personal post, since it deals with my Fiance problem. He suffers from bipolar disorder. He lives in a building with other people who have similar problems, male and female. It is independent, not to the point of needing help with anything. Anyway, my Fiance is a friendly outgoing man. One of the reasons I fell in love with him! He is a freelance-type photographer, and he hands out his business card to people for networking purposes. However, one person he gave his card to seems to think she can call or text him whenever she wants to for really trivial things. She has even called him at 230am and once at 4 am! He doesn’t answer the phone because he has it shut off, and once he is sleeping, forget it! When he visits me, she will call him and say have a good trip, tell her I said hi (only met her twice), and she will text him while he is here, telling him things that could wait. He says he doesn’t want her, and I believe him, but I believe she may want him. There was an exhibition in NY (where he lives), for a TV show I LOVE. He told some of his male friends at the building he was going so he could take pictures for me and get me a gift. He went with his daughter. Well, this woman also showed up, at the exact time he was there! The exhibition was for 7 days, and this was the day she decided to show up. He is friendly with her, which I don’t mind since I don’t want him to be rude, but he doesn’t see what I see. I can’t confront her, because one of the rules of his residence is that I can’t confront the residents because they have emotional problems. My mother thinks there is nothing to worry about, since people with emotional problems seem to cling to people if they are friendly and don’t see what they are doing. Fiance is moving from there soon, so it may blow over. Am I being irrational, or should I be concerned? Need advice from outside parties.
Post # 3
@brendaray2009: ((HUG)) You’re not being irrational. I wouldn’t like it either. But don’t jump to any conclusions because your Mom is probably right and this will blow over when your Fiance moves away from the facility. It’s possible this friend of his does want to be with him but he obviously does not want to be with her. He loves you and wants to marry you, right?
However, you could ask him to put a stop to her inappropriate texting at all hours of the night or when the two of you are together, because that is disrespectful of your relationship, on her part. She may not mean to be intrusive, though, especially if she has some mental issues going on, it’s possible she doesn’t have good social skills.
Probably the best thing he can do to minimize her contacting him so much is to ignore her and not make too big a deal of it.
If you trust him, then trust him to handle this as well.
Post # 4
@Sunfire: Thank you! He has told her about the late night calls, and she stopped for a while, but then started again. He does reiterate to whomever is listening how much he loves me and can’t wait to marry me.
Post # 5
@brendaray2009: Was he giving her his card for business networking? It doesn’t sound like she’s using it that way. Maybe she just wants a friend. Either way, I wouldn’t like it. You said it’s an independent living building, but generally each resident is assigned a case worker, yes? Could this issue be brough to the case worker’s attention?
I see that you aren’t allowed to talk to her (which seems a bit silly if they are preparing residents for the real world that doesn’t operate in a bubble) but maybe it can be handled that way. Of course I wouldn’t advocate yelling at her or saying mean things, but there’s nothing wrong with a conversation between adults about a problem.
Post # 6
I agree with your mom. People with issues like that can get extremely clingy even to the point of stalkerish behavior. I might ask your Fiance to speak to her again about it, but otherwise leave it alone. If she’s unstable she could hurt you or herself.
Post # 7
@BoxerLady: Yes, he gave it out to her for business. He gave it to a lot of people (drives me nuts!lol) I can talk to her, but can’t be confrontational. My fear is that if he rejects her, she may say he tried something. She is a former addict of alcohol and drugs, and is doing well that way. However, I am often nervous for him. No one else calls him or texts him but her. She is also supposed to be getting her own place, so maybe distance will help. I live in NJ, he lives in NY, so the distance is hard for me, since I am not there with him. He doesn’t want to be mean, but it stresses me out.
There is another event coming up, one that I have been looking forward to for months. I am going to the city for two days to attend it. I have asked him not to tell anyone about it so that there are no “surprises”. If she showed there, I would KNOW she has something for him. (this event is not something that would be in the paper) Then, I may flip!
Post # 8
Update: The whole situation has been resolved. She doesn’t bother him as much, and he and I are breathing easier. He told her about it, and we blocked her number from texting so much. He also seems more relaxed. His depression has lifted, and he is doing better, for the time being. We believe the stress of this was a trigger in his depression, and she wasn’t the big help she thought she may be to him. I know that he will deal with his depression a lot in our life together, and he will make some friends that are female. Hopefully it never escalates like this again!