Anon bee seeking help & advice

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
729 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I don’t think you’re overreacting. In my opinion, it just isn’t appropriate if you aren’t comfortable. You and DH are supposed to be a team, so his spiteful act of “forbidding” you to see your male friend is ridiculous, especially given that you didn’t say you didn’t want him to see B, but just not during the week for a sleepover.

(Actually – if she had come on the weekend, would she still have been sleeping over?)

I think there is more going on here than just B. It sounds like you and DH are having some problems, and those need to be resolved before other women start keeping him company.

Not knowing if you can trust B is normal – you don’t know her, so how could you trust her? However, not knowing if you can trust DH is totally different, and this is what I think you need to address honestly.

Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
2913 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

I dont think, based on the story of his co-worker, that you are overreacting. It is hard to build complete trust back once something like that happens. I would feel the same way. I’m sorry, I don’t have advice really, but I hope you guys can get to a happier place within your relationship soon!

Post # 6
Member
2562 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

He asked if you were comfortable with it, and you said no.

What more does he need? Obviously he didn’t like your answer, but you certinly have the right to say “no” when given the option.

He is being very immature about this, and it’s very odd to me that he doesn’t seem to want to comprimise on the weekend (when you’ll be around) – why does he insist on having her over when you’re not around?

I think if you two are having issues communicating, it’s time to see a couple’s therapist together (and seperatley) to work these things out… sounds like it’s a major hurdle in your relationship.

Post # 7
Member
7075 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I don’t think you’re overreacting. This is a woman you barely know, and you’ve had reasons not to trust him in the past. It sounds to me like he’s being extremely childish about the whole thing.

Post # 9
Member
2355 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I’m sorry, but your husband does not need female friends visiting and sleeping over no matter what part of the week. This is nuts. You are not in the wrong for being uncomfortable with it, though I have to question why you married him in the first place knowing that he has inappropriate relationships with other women.

Now it doesn’t matter because you are married. I don’t know what advice to give you. You can’t change his behavior. It sounds like he’s going to do whatever he wants to do in this situation. On the one hand, you did marry him, so you can’t keep punishing him for something he did a few years ago. On the other, he needs to have the respect and responsibility to make you comfortable.

With the state of your marriage, I don’t think either of you need to have opposite sex buddies.

Post # 10
Member
729 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@ConfusedAnonBee:  That sounds safer, but I still think it’s inappropriate, given the reasons you explained. How did he react when you told him about your concerns, and your desire to remove the temptation?

To be clear, I believe that men and women can be friends without anything inappropriate happening. It concerns me though that you and he are in this rough spot in your own relationship, and now he wants to bring this woman for a visit. I can definitely see why you would be uncomfortable about this.

Post # 12
Member
3635 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

You’re well within your right as a member of the household to refuse overnight guests no matter who they are or when they’re staying.  So is he.

I want to say you aren’t overreacting, but the way HE overreacted is off.  My husband would have been miffed, for sure, but we would have been able to have a reasonable discussion about the sanctity of our home and our marriage and not doing things that make each other uncomfortable. 

As for him asking you – clearly he wasn’t asking you if he’s that upset that you said no.  That’s something to address, too.  You do need to check with each other before doing stuff like that, but you also need to be adults and be ok with an answer you don’t expect or want.

Post # 13
Member
889 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@ConfusedAnonBee:  No.Freaking.Way…..Go visit someone else! End of story!!!!!!!!!

Post # 14
Member
851 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013 - The front lawn of our church

@ConfusedAnonBee:  IMO, neither of you really need to be having opposite sex friends while you’re going through a rough spot in your relationship. YOu don’t want to accidentally be building emotional connections with other people when you’re losing that with eachother. Not saying you can’t still have guy friends and he can’t still have girl friends, but I think you both need to back off of all opposite sex friendships and focus on eachother.

And no, I dont’ think she should come spend the night. Especially while you’re not there. He asked your opinion and you said no. Simple as that.

Post # 15
Member
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

@ConfusedAnonBee:  Personally?  Me?  I would NEVER be okay AT ALL with another woman staying the night at mine and my FH’s place UNLESS it’s the following people:

His Mom

His Sister In Law

His Future Sister In Law

Possibly and Aunt or Cousin

This is just something that I am not okay with at all and I think that I am surprised that other bees are okay with this.  This is just me-this would not be okay with me at all.  I think it’s amazing that you are okay with her crashing for the weekend-wow! 

Good Luck!

Post # 16
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

He is right. You don’t trust him. But he has given you reason not to, by acting inappropriately in a very similar situation in the past. From the situation you’ve described, it sounds like he turns to other women for comfort/attention when things are going badly between you two.

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