- 3 years ago
- Wedding: June 2013
Hello fellow bees,
I will try and keep this short(ish), so feel free to ask anything if you have any questions.
I come here today with a confused and heavy heart. DH and have been married since June and it hasn’t been easy for us. We have been fighting a lot and he is now unemployed.
DH has a female friend. He has known her longer than me (we’ll call her B). They never got serious (she was into him, he wasn’t into her enough to make a relationship out of it), but they stayed friends. She even made an appearance at our reception which I thought was fine I guess. I barely know this woman; I’ve only met her briefly once or twice, but DH is friends with her so…
The reason this is even a sensitive issue is because DH once had a crush on a female friend (co-worker) during the 1st year of us living together (which was the 2nd year of our relationship). We were having problems while adjusting to live together and it led to him having feelings for another woman and lying to me about it (even though nothing ever happened – and yes I chose to believe him – it was not a physical affair, but more of an emotional one). Anyways, it took us over 2 years to rebuild that trust and nothing like that has ever happened again.
OKAY DILEMMA TIME: This weekend DH asks me if B can come over for a visit (she lives 3 hours away). He realizes it could be a sensitive thing for me, so I thought it was great that he was basically asking me for my permission to make sure I would be comfortable with it. Thing is, I’m not: they want to make the visit during the week meaning – she would get to our place Tuesday, sleep over, and leave sometime Wednesday (I work Mon-Fri, 9-5) so there would be lots of time for them to be alone.
I asked DH if we could make it a weekend visit instead. I don’t know her very well and I’d prefer it a.k.a be more comfortable if she came during a weekend. (He said she works weekends.)
Well he didn’t like that answer very much… Saying I don’t trust him. Even said that I am not allowed to see my guy friend – which is ridiculous because I did not forbid him to see B, I just asked if it could be a better time.
I tried explaining to him that because we have been having problems (like that first year of us living together), that I am fearful and just feel better taking temptation out of the equation… I hate the thought of being at work and knowing they are home alone – I’d wonder what they are up to, if the friendship is innocent, can I trust her, etc.
He also mentioned that they Skyped together during the weekend (not sure how to feel about that).
We were getting into such a huff about it all that he left the bedroom and slept on the couch (really?). Now it’s the next day and I am at work – and I am doubting myself. Am I over-reacting? Is he over-reacting?
Please help 🙁
(thank you for reading)
Confused Anon Bee