Anon Post- Need Advice. Very Long.

posted 3 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
109 posts
Blushing bee

No, you are not wrong. Oh my god, I’m so sorry you had to go through all this alone. *Hug* Don’t you have anyone that you can call to accompany you through labor?

I think you should change your phone number and cut off all ties with that jerk. He and his family sound like psychos.

I hope things get better for you!

Post # 4
2222 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I am so so sorry you are going through this. 

To answer your question, you are not wrong AT ALL for not wanting him there. This is your body during a very stressful and upsetting time. He has not been there for you or with you and his behavior and that of his family is 100% inappropriate and wrong. 

You are not keeping him away from his child (like his sister said). It is understandable that his family would be upset at your loss but that is no excuse for the way they are acting.

I would consider getting a new cell phone number after this.

This going to sound absolutely terrible and please don’t take it the wrong way, but sometimes events in life happen for a reason. You’re seeing John and his family’s crazy side now….stay away from them!

Save all of the harassing messages (as hurtful as they are)… You might have to consider a restraining order before this is all over 

Post # 5
228 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Honey, stay strong to yourself. You are not selfish in the slightest. Turn you phone off if it helps, gosh- even change your number. It is one thing to be present for the birth of a baby if you’re a dad.. But this is something else. They should respect your privacy in an obviously horrific time for you. Do you have a girlfriend or family member you can call for them to come to you? Don’t go through this alone.. But don’t do it with John either.

Huge internet hugs -ooooo-

Post # 6
7531 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Oh My God!  I am so terribly sorry.  I certainly can understand how you can want to have peace from others at this time.  I would let the hospital/doctor know that you do not want others present.  There are HIPPA laws in this country, and John and his family cannot just “show up” at your hospital room.  Good God! Make sure you have security for yourself.  I also want to wish you all the best. (((Hugs))).

Post # 7
2355 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I am so, so sorry. This people are animals. I would change my number/block them and instruct the hospital staff to not give them any info or let them in the room. You have the right.

Post # 8
1007 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

NO, you are not wrong.  And the people at the hospital should keep his family out.  Tell them that the father of the baby and his family are harrassing and stalking you and that no one is to be present in the room or told where you are.  And now that you and he will not have a child in common, consider further action to keep him from harrassing you. 

Post # 9
135 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I’m so sorry you have to go through this all alone! I’m so sorry for your loss! 

I absolutly think you should do it alone, the nurses will stand by you and you can tell the hospital to keep unwanted guests away from you. And if possible call somebody, a friend, family a coworker for help with your appartment, you need somebody to stand beside you, not *John but somebody to hold your hand! 

Again…so sorry for your loss

Post # 11
1592 posts
Bumble bee

Tell the hospital this is happening.  If necessary they can have security make sure that you’re not bothered during labor.  and L&D nurses can be pretty ferocious too.  Since his family is being difficult about spending time with the child  – then they can arrange a time with the hospital (away from you) to spend the necessary time with the child.  There is no reason he needs to be there in the same space as you. 

Post # 12
715 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@Jaey:  I haven’t read the other posts, but I’ll cut straight to the chase…

first off, you have to take care of yourself. It is NOT selfish! ask ANYONE YOU CAN to be on your side and accompany you, a trusted co worker even?? It may be a reach, but you’ve got to have an advocate with you! And even if its not someone you’re terribly close with, it’s better than no one at all!

CALL THE HOSPITAL NOW…and ask to speak to Social Services immediately! Present your case to them and let them know you aniticipate trouble and harassment. Ask them to alert hospital security of your arrival. Ask them to get a Chaplain involved and to have a social worker a ails me to you when you arrive. Since you obviously do not have the time or strength to get a restraining order in place right this moment, this may be your only source of “protection” from them. Also, upon registration, ask to be OFF the patient list and out of the directory. Hospital security should be able to assist you with Police if absolutely necessary, while you are in their care. 

Once you are hsomewhat as soon as possible, get a restraining order from John and any of his family members that you feel particularly leary of, or have made verbal threats. 

My dear, I am SO VERY SORRY you’re going thru this. My heart breaks for you. This will require an amount of strength and fortitude that you probably feel you don’t have right now, BUT YOU DO! You WILL get thru this. And someday, you’ll look back and marvel at yourself.

I’m sorry you’ve lost your precious little one. I hope and pray for your safety and strength now, and peace to come. 

Post # 13
2783 posts
Sugar bee

@stressed_anon:  No you are not wrong! The hospital you go to can admit you “securely” so basically if anyone comes there asking for you they will be turned away/given no information about you. They can’t just come into the delivery room.

Post # 15
1784 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I cant even fathom how someone can say such awful things to you while you’re going through this. I definitely think its best you went ahead and changed your number. All the best to you! 

Post # 16
855 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

@stressed_anon:  Sorry, my post is probably going to get flagged for this and everyone is going to tell me just how horrible I am. Just know in advance, I don’t care.

You wanted John to be a part of this child’s development and eventually he came around. Now you want him to turn it off because as far as you are concerned, for him, it’s over. You’re experiencing the death of a child and as traumatizing as it is for you, it is for him as well. You’re going through it and he deserves to go through it too because it is also the end of HIS child’s life. The grieving process has to have an end for him as well.

I’m sorry this is happening to you and no parent should have to experience the death of a child, but to shut him out now is just plain wrong, IMO. You’re going to be rid of him soon enough, so let him have HIS moment too because it’s half his baby that is dead too. Do you have to allow his family around you in the hospital? Of course not and in fact, I would make sure that during the registration process you ask the hospital NOT to disclose what room you are in to anyone who calls. You don’t even have to let him sit next to you after recovery, but for the love of God, let him say goodbye to his child.

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