(Closed) Another +1 problem

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
1474 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011 - Bent Creek Winery (Livermore, California); Reception: Family Residence (San Ramon, California)

I think I would tell her what you told us here: “For personal reasons, Fiance and I have decided not to extend +1s to our guests, so unfortunately, we will not be able to accommodate your daughters’ dates.” Be gentle but firm, and don’t get into it with them. You don’t own them any big explanations of justifications for why you’re doing this. But if you maintain that NO ONE has been given +1s (and it’s not just them), maybe they’ll start to get the picture better.

Good luck! I know these kind of requests can be so frustrating! Why is RSVP-ing so hard and drama-filled!?

Post # 4
735 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

So far, all you’ve heard is rumors – and those can be worse than the truth.  So, I’d wait and see what pans out.  But, in case you need the advice:

There’s a very good response posted to another bride-to-be’s question about additional guests on a returned RSVPs.  I believe the phrase you should be practicing is “I’m sorry, that isn’t possible.”

When you get the RSVPs back that show your guests have included more than the number of guests that you invited, (you clearly wrote the names of each guest?  And none of these guests are married are they?) then you contact them and say something along the lines of “Hello Cousin, Thank you for sending back your RSVP.  I’m so glad to see that you’ll be joining us!  I notice that you’ve indicated that two people will be attending.  Did you RSVP for one of your daughters? … Oh no, you intended to bring a date?  I’m so sorry, but that just won’t be possible.” 

[If cousin offers to pay for the guest to attend]  “No, no, it’s not a matter of money.  It’s simply not possible.”

[If Cousin’s daughters call and become angry] “I’m so sorry, it simply isn’t possible.”

[If your Aunt wants to know why you are treating her daughter so poorly] “I’m sorry dear Auntie.  It simply is not possible for us to accommodate guests of our guests.”

Eventually you’ll need to come up with an excuse to end the conversation quickly.  “The cookies are burning.” or ” I have to go to Yoga now” or the one suggested here http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/rsvps-are-out-of-hand (see the post by andielovesj)

Post # 5
46256 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Ditto. Do not get into making excuses, just keep repeating “That’s not possible”.

If you start giving reasons, people just try to find a way around them.

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