Post # 1
Hello Ladies – first, my apologies for another thread on +1’s….I know they are a hot/popular topic and now I understand why!!!
A little background – Fiance and I are having 2 wedding because of the distance between families. Both of these weddings we are paying ourselves. Because of the cost associate with weddings (which, of course you all understand) and for personal reasons, we decided that we were not going to have +1’s for our guests (except for my Maid/Matron of Honor, I thought she deserved one). In all honesty, I’only get to see my family 2 times a year and I didn’t want to have people at the wedding that I didn’t know that would be involved in such a personal life event for us.
Now…. cue the questions/drama. My cousin and her daughters (cousin is 53, daughters are 32 and 23) are upset that they can’t bring dates, and have told my aunt that they have invited their boyfriends to the reception. Apparantly because we won’t be paying for their supper, only free alcohol all night and night buffet, it’s okay in their books. Apparantly they will be informing me of this when they send in their RSVP, which is due in 2 weeks.
I am so annoyed/angry by this because I didn’t even want to invite this cousin or her daughters in the first place. Every family event we were at when I was growing up, involved my cousin and her daughter getting into a screaming match. Even 3 years ago when we had family Christmas at our house, my cousin started yelling at her daughter, and her daughter (29 at the time) locked herself in our bathroom and wouldn’t come out for 3 hours!!!!! Also, my cousin has been married 3 times, and I was never even invited to any of her weddings.
Anyways… how do I firmly say “no” when they send in their RSVP’s??? I know I am going to get a lot of grief from my cousin (and my aunt) over this decision, but I don’t think I am being totally irrational here….. am I????????
Post # 3
- Wedding: September 2011 - Bent Creek Winery (Livermore, California); Reception: Family Residence (San Ramon, California)
I think I would tell her what you told us here: “For personal reasons, Fiance and I have decided not to extend +1s to our guests, so unfortunately, we will not be able to accommodate your daughters’ dates.” Be gentle but firm, and don’t get into it with them. You don’t own them any big explanations of justifications for why you’re doing this. But if you maintain that NO ONE has been given +1s (and it’s not just them), maybe they’ll start to get the picture better.
Good luck! I know these kind of requests can be so frustrating! Why is RSVP-ing so hard and drama-filled!?
Post # 4
So far, all you’ve heard is rumors – and those can be worse than the truth. So, I’d wait and see what pans out. But, in case you need the advice:
There’s a very good response posted to another bride-to-be’s question about additional guests on a returned RSVPs. I believe the phrase you should be practicing is “I’m sorry, that isn’t possible.”
When you get the RSVPs back that show your guests have included more than the number of guests that you invited, (you clearly wrote the names of each guest? And none of these guests are married are they?) then you contact them and say something along the lines of “Hello Cousin, Thank you for sending back your RSVP. I’m so glad to see that you’ll be joining us! I notice that you’ve indicated that two people will be attending. Did you RSVP for one of your daughters? … Oh no, you intended to bring a date? I’m so sorry, but that just won’t be possible.”
[If cousin offers to pay for the guest to attend] “No, no, it’s not a matter of money. It’s simply not possible.”
[If Cousin’s daughters call and become angry] “I’m so sorry, it simply isn’t possible.”
[If your Aunt wants to know why you are treating her daughter so poorly] “I’m sorry dear Auntie. It simply is not possible for us to accommodate guests of our guests.”
Eventually you’ll need to come up with an excuse to end the conversation quickly. “The cookies are burning.” or ” I have to go to Yoga now” or the one suggested here http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/rsvps-are-out-of-hand (see the post by andielovesj)
Post # 5
Ditto. Do not get into making excuses, just keep repeating “That’s not possible”.
If you start giving reasons, people just try to find a way around them.