Post # 1
I hope you Bees don’t find my incessant posting annoying
I just have a lot of thoughts and the topic keeps coming up (not all by me!) with SO.
This time it’s a bigger set back than the speeding fine.
This time we spoke about ‘life plans’ for the gazzilionth time, but we actually had a real conversation about it. My SO has had an… unusual upbringing imo (I won’t go into it here, I’m working very hard on accepting his childhood).
So he’s been spending his whole childhood not voicing his wishes and is now working on learning to have his own wishes and voice them to me.
We worked hard one night and figured out that he wants our house renovation to be done end of 2014.
His biggest fear for plans is that I have a memory of an elephant (true only for stuff like this, not every day useful stuff like, get stamps or get dinner out lol), and that if I remember and he doesn’t he’ll feel let down by himself.
I do remember a while ago he said that to wait until 2017 to be married would be too long for him to wait. Bearing in mind we got together in 2009.
So if we finish the house in this next 12 months (completely do-able).
And get married, say 2016 (that’s a reasonable assumption right?)
That leaves 2015 free of financial drain – so does that mean I have to wait until the beginning of 2015 to be engaged?
Or am I just a crazy person and should just stop over analysing everything?! (Please be nice lol)
Post # 3
Hmmmm… The timing didn’t come up in the conversation? I know he doesn’t want to let you down but an entire year timeperiod (2013 vs 2014 vs 2015) is something he can surely tell you with the caveat that if things aren’t “right” for him (men and their needing everything to feel “right” – eyes rolling) that he can tell you “I’m just not ready yet, we said 2014 but I need a little more time”. That is a beyond reasonable circumstance. Talk to him about long engagements. Two years is not the end of the world. Especially since you guys already have a house and solid life together. You’re more patient than I, I would be displeased at the wait after buying a house.
Best of luck, and Merry Christmas
Post # 4
@RhianfaHW: I with @SomedaymrsWDS: that perhaps a timeline conversation needs to be had.
I can share my story–SO started talking about us getting engaged, relocating, planning a wedding–which you would think would make ANY girl excited to have the man that she loves making these statements; but then it was vague in terms of timelines….and we finally talked about it he said it would likely be 2 years away–I’ll admit it was a bitter pill to swallow.
If you love the guy, you will get over the intial shock and you will find ways (like posting in the waiting hive ) to get over it. I’m not sure if I missed your age….but SO told me that while we planned to get engaged this past year (while I was 30)…it was quite an upsetting shock to find out that this might not happen until I was 31-32…making us getting married until later, delaying kids, etc. If you are younger than me then a few extra years won’t make a big deal. If you are closer to my age then I suppose you have some considering to do.
Post # 5
I’m alway amazed that people can think out things they want to do years in the future. I worked in the ER as a nurse and saw all too quickly so many times how life can change. I know that where I am at in my life now, I never would have envisioned a year or two ago – life changes all the time. I firmly believe (and of course we all have different beliefs) that if you know…just…”know” you will be with someone your whole life. why wait? But I also believe that if you love each other and are together that is the most important thing in the end as well.
Post # 6
@SomedaymrsWDS: & @veryberry13: I agree a timeline chat is needed really but, as @habibti: says, timelines are hard, especially for SO. He’s a plan-ophobe (?).
His excuse is always ‘well I don’t know what’s going to happen, which is fair point but surely you can still think about what you want?
I know he is 100% ready, just the money side of it.
Post # 7
@RhianfaHW: You will never, never know what’s going to happen in life. If he is putting off his happiness because he doesn’t know what’s going to happen later, then he’ll never be happy.
Is he one of those people who always wonder if the grass is greener someplace else? Never really happy with his job, always reconsidering this or that? I would hope that he isn’t “waiting” to make sure that you are really the one for him – if that is the case then he’s probably not the one for you. The right one for you would see how wonderful and amazing you are and not wait to make sure.
It doesn’t take money to have a happy marriage and you don’t need a big wedding – if its something you WANT then maybe have a longer engagement or plan well. We are broke but happy and I would rather have that than be second-guessing and have money to back it up.
You are definitely right – you can always think about what you want. You never know. Good luck girl!
Post # 8
@habibti: Thank you for your lovely reply.
He isn’t wondering is it greener often – only when it genuinely could be, like when his boss is pissing about lol.
It’s more that he’s been brainwashed by his parents mum, that he’s not allowed an opinion and that his desires don’t matter.
So that’s bloody hard to get rid of