- 5 years ago
- Wedding: May 2013
I’m frustrated with a situation… please offer me some opinions on this.
One of my bridesmaids is just getting on her feet after college – a year out, just got her first salaried office job, says her student loans etc will be paid off next month. I try to be very sensitive to her financial situation, and to be fair to her I ended up paying for half of all my BMs dresses. I am planning to pay for their hair and makeup and said they can wear their own shoes and jewellery. I was also going to get them gifts of about $200-250 (4 BMs)
This bridesmaid has been difficult – she says she wants to help but when it actually comes to stuff she forgets/doesn’t do it so she isn’t exactly reliable. I had to bang on her windows the day I came to pick her up when we all went shopping for dresses because she slept in and she showed up late yesterday when we were planning to go to yoga together so she couldn’t get into the class… this is a very common sort of thing with her.
Today was my shower. Last night she texts me to say the game she has planned is ready (she did a hot potato thing and gave out maybe 10 mini hand creams and nail polish). And she forgot to get me a shower gift.
Honestly, its not a big deal – she put in some time and was super sweet at the shower, being all friendly with the aunties and taking photos and stuff. Then today she texts and it like “I have to tell you, part of the reason I didn’t get you a gift is because everything was almost $100”. This isn’t actually true, there were some less expensive items available but I kind of doubt that she even looked. There are some very pricey items, but FI invited all (40+) his colleagues who are professionals and they will likely buy pricey presents, along with my family – we invited almost 500 people so our registry isn’t exactly tiny nor super-modest.
I just feel like she doesn’t really care to be involved, except everytime she isn’t involved she gets upset (the actual planning of the shower and stagette is being done by FSIL – much more reliable). I’m trying to be considerate financially and understanding. I’m just insulted that she doesn’t think more than 30 seconds ahead about me and I feel like the gift thing is kind of a dig, like I’m greedy or something. She’s one of my best friends, but I’m getting tired of what I see as immaturity.
What would you say to her?