Another Bridesmaid Problem….

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
2878 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Sorry lovie, I’m sure everyone on here will tell you that they aren’t required to do or show up for anything other than rehearsal and day-of.  As the bees say, nobody is as excited about your wedding as you are.  It sucks, and you could let them know how you’re feeling, but at the end of the day that’s their decision.  However, I wouldn’t take their lack of interest in the planning process to mean anything about them not showing up for the actual wedding 🙂

Post # 4
Member
8720 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@loving_life:  you said what I was going to say. None of my bridesmaids planned my bachelorette. I planned it myself and they didnt all attend. They were ALL at my wedding though with no issues. I didnt make it to my friend’s rehearsal last year but I was definitely at the wedding and there was no problem with me figuring out what to do.

Bridal showers and bachelorettes are not required. I dont see why they wouldnt show up for your wedding. Do you speak to all of them regularly and not just about wedding related things?

Post # 6
Member
2878 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@miss tortuga:  Yes, RSVPing yes and then backing out 30 mins prior is definitely rude.  If that’s the case, I’d check in with them about it.  Try to be polite rather than on the offensive, but let them know that it hurt you.  I still don’t think you need to worry about them showing up day of though 🙂

Post # 7
Member
957 posts
Busy bee

I go against the grain on this one and say that if you accept to being a bridesmaid, then you are saying that you are a close friend of the bride and will support her. This includes being a part of the events. I think it’s ridiculous when people say the bridesmaid just has to show up on the day of the wedding. If a relative threw me a shower and not one of my bridesmaids showed up, I would feel bad. If a friend threw a bachlorette party for me and not one of my bridesmaids showed up, I would feel bad. I would wonder why I chose these people to be bridesmaids if they can’t even come out and celebrate with me?

The logic that a bridesmaid just has to show up the day of the wedding is flawed. That is the duty of a guest and a bridesmaid should be more than just a guest.

I know how you feel and I’m sorry there isn’t much you can do. When this happened to me I had a back up plan, if the difficult bridesmaid bailed a week before the wedding, I was prepared. Luckily it didn’t come to this and I had plenty of notice. 

Post # 8
Member
484 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@MrsGatito:  I 100% agree!

Maybe you should talk to them and just say how you feel…. “you know, it was really upsetting when you bailed on me last week”.

Post # 9
Member
250 posts
Helper bee

@MrsGatito:  +1 When you accept, you are accepting to participate and pay for the whole shebang!

Post # 10
Member
632 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@miss tortuga:  Sorry to hear this is going on – I had 6 bridesmaids (my sister, sister in law, 2 good friends and my fsil).  My sister and one good friend planned all the stuff and all the others were pretty lame.  My one good friend ditched the bridesmaids lunch and bachelorette party with these lame excuses via text a few hours before the events.  My FSIL dropped out of the wedding with her husband 2 weeks before.  I would say don’t focus on what they are doing for you – some people just aren’t into all the wedding stuff. 

 I am a chicken and hate conflict – with the FSIL i just said screw it – she is unreasonable and not worth my time (it has been almost 5 months since our weddnig and we have yet to speak to her).  My sister in law – she is who she is – not a big party person she came and did her part.  My friend – i just figure her loss if she doesnt want to be there that is on her.

Don’t let little things ruin your day – I say this from experience!  Those who are happy for you and there for you are what you should focus on.  GOOD LUCK!  And there is a reason you picked them – they will show up on the day and do what they need to if they are good friends

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