Post # 1
Hey fellow weddingbees!
So basically with three and a half months left I am not really stressing about my wedding, but the people in the bridal party. Only the girls to be exact!
So I asked my two sisters and three close friends to be in my wedding party more than a year and a half before the wedding. So I thought they all had enough time, but they just arent being there for anything.Well my sisters are and they are being the sole planners toany of the events (bridal shower and bachelorette). I have no idea what to do, and with three months left do i really want to affend anyone.
I’m just so worried that if none of them can show up to certain events like my bridal shower and really have no good excuese for not coming or take part in anything to do with the wedding that there not actually going to show up on my wedding day or rehersal the day before.
I just have no idea what to do and I hate conflict How would you have the talk with your bridal party if they did the same thing to you?
Post # 3
Sorry lovie, I’m sure everyone on here will tell you that they aren’t required to do or show up for anything other than rehearsal and day-of. As the bees say, nobody is as excited about your wedding as you are. It sucks, and you could let them know how you’re feeling, but at the end of the day that’s their decision. However, I wouldn’t take their lack of interest in the planning process to mean anything about them not showing up for the actual wedding 🙂
Post # 4
@loving_life: you said what I was going to say. None of my bridesmaids planned my bachelorette. I planned it myself and they didnt all attend. They were ALL at my wedding though with no issues. I didnt make it to my friend’s rehearsal last year but I was definitely at the wedding and there was no problem with me figuring out what to do.
Bridal showers and bachelorettes are not required. I dont see why they wouldnt show up for your wedding. Do you speak to all of them regularly and not just about wedding related things?
Post # 5
Thank you for responding to my plee of help.
I completely understand that they don’t have to do anything and I don’t want to have to force them to do anything.
I’m just mad that they RSVP to everything and then call 30 mins before the events and bail on me. I think as a true friend I surly wouldn’t do that. I think I just expected more from them in a way, more support and encouragement than I am getting through out this whole process. It’s like they just don’t care. I’ve been a bridesmaid in a couple of weddings and in each one I’ve made the effort to be there and help in whatever tasks needed to be done, not because I was forced but I wanted to, and I think I’m just shocked at how little they care.
I’m sure they will show up to the wedding but I guess I’ll find out day of if they bail like everything else so far.
Post # 6
@miss tortuga: Yes, RSVPing yes and then backing out 30 mins prior is definitely rude. If that’s the case, I’d check in with them about it. Try to be polite rather than on the offensive, but let them know that it hurt you. I still don’t think you need to worry about them showing up day of though 🙂
Post # 7
I go against the grain on this one and say that if you accept to being a bridesmaid, then you are saying that you are a close friend of the bride and will support her. This includes being a part of the events. I think it’s ridiculous when people say the bridesmaid just has to show up on the day of the wedding. If a relative threw me a shower and not one of my bridesmaids showed up, I would feel bad. If a friend threw a bachlorette party for me and not one of my bridesmaids showed up, I would feel bad. I would wonder why I chose these people to be bridesmaids if they can’t even come out and celebrate with me?
The logic that a bridesmaid just has to show up the day of the wedding is flawed. That is the duty of a guest and a bridesmaid should be more than just a guest.
I know how you feel and I’m sorry there isn’t much you can do. When this happened to me I had a back up plan, if the difficult bridesmaid bailed a week before the wedding, I was prepared. Luckily it didn’t come to this and I had plenty of notice.
Post # 8
@MrsGatito: I 100% agree!
Maybe you should talk to them and just say how you feel…. “you know, it was really upsetting when you bailed on me last week”.
Post # 9
@MrsGatito: +1 When you accept, you are accepting to participate and pay for the whole shebang!
Post # 10
@miss tortuga: Sorry to hear this is going on – I had 6 bridesmaids (my sister, sister in law, 2 good friends and my fsil). My sister and one good friend planned all the stuff and all the others were pretty lame. My one good friend ditched the bridesmaids lunch and bachelorette party with these lame excuses via text a few hours before the events. My FSIL dropped out of the wedding with her husband 2 weeks before. I would say don’t focus on what they are doing for you – some people just aren’t into all the wedding stuff.
I am a chicken and hate conflict – with the FSIL i just said screw it – she is unreasonable and not worth my time (it has been almost 5 months since our weddnig and we have yet to speak to her). My sister in law – she is who she is – not a big party person she came and did her part. My friend – i just figure her loss if she doesnt want to be there that is on her.
Don’t let little things ruin your day – I say this from experience! Those who are happy for you and there for you are what you should focus on. GOOD LUCK! And there is a reason you picked them – they will show up on the day and do what they need to if they are good friends