Another copycat bride rant…

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: How best to deal with a single white female bride?
    Ask her not to book the same photographer : (22 votes)
    9 %
    Let the photographer know the situation, ultimately be ready to cancel and find another photographer : (14 votes)
    6 %
    Stick with the same photographer and try to ignore the situation : (164 votes)
    69 %
    Pretend to book another photographer, in the hopes that copycat friend will do the same... : (39 votes)
    16 %
  • Post # 3
    11668 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @peonyinparis:  sorry but yeah I think you’re overreacting. She can book whatever venue, photographer, etc. she wants.  I will honestly never understand things like this. Whenever I find a good deal or a vendor or whatever wedding related or not, I want to tell all my friends about it so they can get the same awesome experience I had.

    Post # 4
    4136 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Maybe just stop sharing your plans with this person. I don’t think it matters if she uses the same venue or photographer, but if it irks you, just don’t tell her anything more. 

    Post # 5
    433 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    @MrsWBS:  I blame the movie Bride Wars lol

    OP, I wouldn’t worry about it. 

    Post # 6
    7654 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I do think you’re overreacting but I also think you have a right not to share if you don’t want to, so don’t share. Give her some other photographers and say you have searched and here were some you considered.

    I would stop sharing so much info with her.

    Post # 7
    1327 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    I can understand where your feelings are coming from, considering your background with her.  You were a bit competative as kids, she’s always been one to copy, etc.  It’s normal that this would seem odd or hurt you.  Weddings are very special, we put a lot of time into them and she’s getting the benefit of all the thought and research you’ve done.

    However, I don’t think there is anything you can do about this.  Don’t change your wedding, you put so much thought into it and booked a photographer you really like.  Don’t let her take that away from you.  Really it’s the couple that makes the wedding, not the location or vendors.  She can have the same location and photographer, heck she could even wear the same dress, and they would still be very different weddings.

    Moving forward I would not tell her any other wedding details.  If she really pushes you could even get sneaky and lead her in the wrong direction, such as “We’re thinking of pink orchids” when really you already ordered white roses.  Then later play it off as you changed your mind.  Again that’s only if she really pushes and demands details, otherwise just avoid telling her anything else.


    Post # 8
    1298 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    @peonyinparis:  Agree with PP, stop sharing your planning details with her. Tell her you want your guests to be surprised with the details or something along those lines if she presses you for details. Make your Pinterest wedding board private (if you have one). Even if you have the same venue & photographer, you will have different dresses, colors, decor, etc. so it won’t be that similar. 


    Post # 9
    518 posts
    Busy bee

    I think you’re really overreacting. Who cares if you have the same photographer? You will have 2 completely different weddings 2 months apart. She may not be your friend forever but you’ll have your photos forever I would keep the photographer you want that particular person. The same photographer will not make it the same wedding. You can look at photography blogs and see a photographer shooting at the same venue but the shots are almost all totally different, if you’re into photography you know this in your heart. I would absolutely stop telling her details about your wedding if it bothers you, though. She can only copy if you let her. I would really just ignore this.

    Post # 11
    972 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    Yes, you are overreacting to the photographer portion. Her venue photos will look similar (obvi), but these aren’t the photos you will care about. The photos that you will love and have displayed are the ones of you, your hubby, your families and friends – you’ll be looking at the people and the expressions, so similarities in the detail shots you won’t care about. You’ll only see those when you look at your album, and honestly once the thrill of the wedding has passed how often will you be going through your album?

    I would advise you to STOP sharing any more details though! This girl clearly loves your style and will just snap up what you do, so if she asks say we are considering a few things but haven’t decided. Or throw her off the scent by showing her other awesome ideas and hoping she goes for them. And definitely don’t tell her anything about your DRESS!

    Post # 12
    3813 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo

    Well, I don’t know about you and your friend’s general situations, but if it were between me and a friend both having a destination wedding in Bali, same venue, same photographer, I’d be pretty freaked out (I mean because I live in the US Midwest so that’d be a huge leap).  I don’t think you should bring your photographer into this, because that’s kind of an impossible decision to make – either way, they will lose a client.  I guess my vote is try asking her not to use your photographer and stick with the one you have.  If she refuses and it truly makes you feel better to hire someone else, I’m sure there are other talented photogs in Bali or Australia.

    Post # 13
    7281 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

    You would be crazy to cancel a photographer you love just because another person also books that photographer. Honestly, I loved our photographer’s work so much that I gifted her services for my friend’s wedding (friend didn;t have a budget for a pro, but really wanted one). And 3 friends have booked our photog since then because they love her as much as we did. Seriously, you should be happy to help your friend find great vendors, not upset by it.

    Post # 14
    3836 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    @peonyinparis:   Don’t share any more plans, and be glad her wedding is AFTER yours.  It may not seem like much consolation, but there have been numerous threads on the Bee about copycat brides who picked a date before the woman they are copying.   If you are happy with your photographer, keep them.  All weddings are different, and the photographs will be too.  No photographer shoots the same way twice.  *hugs* to you, and I am sorry for your anguish.  Hang in there!!  

    Post # 15
    2851 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    You are overreacting. Ya it sucks but I don’t think it’s going to affect your wedding or your life if she uses the same photographer. Just stop sharing info with her.

    Post # 16
    1625 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    @peonyinparis:  I don’t think youre overreacting, and that is TOTALLY lame of her. BUT I don’t think you should let the photographer be the dealbreaker.. I mean, even if it’s in similar style, YOU’RE going to be the one in white in your pictures 😉 And it isn’t like your wedding album will be sitting next to hers on your coffee table at home for constant comparison. Don’t tell her any more details of your wedding, and if you can help it, don’t say anything about her copying you. Keep being the amazing and gracious friend that you are!

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