- 3 years ago
- Wedding: May 2014
Bees, I need some advice. I have this friend, we’ve known each other since we were 10 years old. We grew up in the same relatively-small town, our families are friends. Our friendship used to be quite a competitive one, in the sense that we were both high-achieving Asian kids from migrant families. Then she moved interstate, and then overseas, and I also did the same…we stayed in touch throughout the years though and kind of reconnected as adults.
When I was working and living in overseas, she would come and visit every couple of months or so – to see her family, but also to catch up on our friendship and do the usual girly things like shopping, mani-pedis etc. She would always ask me to take her to my ‘secret’ shopping spots, and she would buy a lot of things she saw me wear. Everything from the same sunglasses, dresses, purses etc. I didn’t really care much to be honest – I have no problem with my friends buying the same things as me, or vice versa. She is also very, shall we say, proprietary when it comes to my clothes – borrowing them, taking them overseas and never returning them – and also my friends – my friends all become her friends because she immediately befriends them.
About a month ago, she announced that she and her on-again, off-again boyfriend were engaged. I was thrilled for her, and we had a long conversations about weddings and such. My fiance had proposed about eight months prior, and we were already in the thick of planning our destination wedding in Bali. She seemed really interested in how the planning was going, so I shared a few details.
Fast-forward this week. Turns out that they’ve also decided to have a Bali wedding, two months after our wedding. Not only that, but she’s booked my venue – on an island that has about a zillion different villa, hotel and other venue options. And today, she said that she loves my photographer and has sent through an email asking about availability so she can book her too.
We only have a handful of mutual friends, so it’s not a case of worrying about the weddings being ‘duplicated’ in that sense…but it’s just really irking me. The destination, I can handle. Even the same venue, I can deal with.
But what really, really upsets me is the possibility that she’ll have the same photographer as me. Photography is really important to me – probably the most important aspect of our wedding – and we’ve spent months researching and mulling the options. I’ve put a lot of thought and heartache into choosing the right photographer, the one who seemed most personal to us, with the right artistic approach and background and philosophy. And she was totally only considering Indonesian photographers, until she found out that we were flying ours in from Australia.
I know that wedding photographers shoot many weddings, but the thought of our photographer shooting her wedding, at the same venue, just two months later…just makes my stomach sink.
What should I do? Am I overreacting? I am actually thinking of emailing the photographer and explaining the situation. Because if my friend goes ahead and books her, I think I would feel better cancelling and finding another photographer. Is that crazy?