Another crazy Monster-in-Law

posted 3 years ago in Married Life
Post # 2
5968 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

Im sorry but as bad as they sound, I would be the most livid with my husband if I were you. Him allowing them to treat you as they do is unacceptable. He should be the one to deal with his family and stand up for you. I would start there and address things with him first and make it absolutely clear how dead serious you are about how they make you feel.

Post # 3
2792 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

It does sound like a pretty big issues, but I feel like there has to be a solution rather than throwing your marriage away.  Your marriage is about you and your DH, not your MIL.  It sounds like it will take a lot of work to make your DH see that.  Maybe it won’t be possible.   I would still try at this point.  It sounds like your only issue with your DH is that he won’t back you up with his family. 

I think your husband needs to go to counciling with you.  If he can’t see why either not taking a side or taking his family’s side is a problem, counciling may be able to help. 

Post # 4
562 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I feel bad for you and so sorry you’re going through this. It sounds extremely stressful and I don’t think I’d be able to handle a situation like this! Your MIL sounds awful, but the worst part is that your husband isn’t on your side. That’s what partners are supposed to do – stand up for you when nobody else will.

I hope this isn’t offensive but he sounds like a ‘mummy’s boy’. He’s a married adult, yet he and his mum act like he’s still her little boy. She needs to grow up and realise he’s not her little boy anymore.

And he needs to learn what it means to really be a husband. Maybe remind your husband that it’s his responsibility to stand up for you, his allegiance to you should always come first before all others. And if that doesn’t get through to him, defs go to counselling as the PP said before leaving the marriage, so you know you tried everything you could.

Post # 5
6067 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

stardustintheeyes:  I completely agree with you.

I am very sorry that you’re going through this. But out of everyone, your husband owes it to you the most to be supportive to defend you.

Maybe counseling would help.

Post # 6
1048 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013


sexxysheddy:  Your number one problem is that your DH is not on your side.  You should not be the one telling the in-laws off.  It should have been him.  Unfortunately until your DH can cut the cord, his mom and their “family” will always be #1 and you will be #2.  You have 2 options – counseling witn your DH (your MIL isn’t really the issue – it’s how your DH has been handling things – and in this case, NOT handling things) or leave.

Post # 7
275 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I agree with pps… you seem to be directing all of your anger at your MIL, but (justified) anger towards your husband isn’t evident in your OP.

Your MIL sounds horrible, but what bothers me the most is that your husband isn’t supporting YOU, and establishing/maintaining healthy boundaries with his mom. You’re all alone in this situation, your husband is doing everything he can to stay out of it (hint: he should be the one going to bat for you with his mom).

In my relationship, I deal with my side of the family, and my FI deals with his side of the family. If he has an issue/problem with my parents, *I’m* the one who brings it up/confronts my parents, and vice versa. We present a united front, which includes physically, mentally, and vocally supporting eachother in front of others, even if we don’t agree. Later, we talk it out. For example, if we’re at my MIL’s house and she says something I don’t agree with, I will say so, and FI will back me up no matter what (even if he doesn’t agree). Later when we’re alone, we discuss it and come up with a compromise/game plan if something like that situation happens in the future.

The point of that is to present a united front to EVERYONE. If your MIL has a problem with you, she *also* has a problem with your husband. Its a problem that your husband doesn’t seem to value your concerns enough to want to do anything to help you.

Post # 8
1049 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I agree with PP, that your husband has a duty to support you in this.

I just wanted to add, the whole hospital thing sounds a little strange.  I know for a fact that if my FI had to go for surgery, even a minor day thing, his mum would travel 6 hours to come see him if she had to.  I think it’s strange how the doctors would only give you updates, and not the rest of his family.  Any hospital situation I have been in, the doctors came out and spoke to the whole family at the one time.  Did you specifically ask the Dr not to say anything to them?  Maybe she wasn’t trying to stiff you and was genuinely concerned for her son?  


Post # 10
423 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016 - Our Castle

In the end are you married to him or his family?. If it were in the case of my family id never get married. Dont stress over the family. Stick to your family and just accept his for the nutters they are. This is how my fiance handles my family.. There are only two people in your marrage..


Just my opinion, no offence etc..

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