(Closed) Another dilemma

posted 10 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
90 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2008

No way.  Your bridal party is your decision.  I’m sure your fiance knows, but remind him of your reasoning again.  He can explain it to your FMIL if the problem persists.  Considering the girl blew you off, I really don’t think that you even need to bother finding another role for her (greeter, hand out programs, etc.)  Don’t stress about it, it will blow over 🙂

Post # 4
Member
388 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

I’m confused.  A cousin of your FI, WHO YOU HAD NOT MET YET, was upset not to be in the bridal party?  A sister, I could understand, but a cousin? 

You chose a male friend to be MOH, if this cousin is THAT close to your FI, then it’s up to him to ask her to be a "groomsman".  I don’t think you should have any obligation to add her to your side.  It’s a very personal thing to pick your BMs and it seems silly that she’s expect you to add someone you don’t even know.

It sounds like this cousin is sad about "losing" her cousin to you, and she’s clearly making a point that you’re not that important by how she behaved when she met you.

Post # 5
Member
63 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

No, no, no.  Don’t let her in your wedding party.  She is not close enough to you.  If your fiance wants her in, she can stand on HIS side.

Post # 7
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2018

How many people are in your entourage already?  Could you help your argument to your Fiance by arguing an overcrowded wedding party, or an uneven one?

I’m including by Fiance’s sister in mine, but we’ve actually MET and hung out for the last five years.

If this is your fiance’s friend, relative or not, she belongs on his side.

Post # 8
Member
13 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2008

I think SoCal had a great idea: your FI should put her on his side.  If you already have a male MOH, then she would even things out so your MOH won’t look strange as a man among women (not everyone is open minded about this yet…).  You’re a great person to even be considering the cousin, my FI has 2 sisters and I didn’t ask either one. 

As far as the grumpy BM, I wouldn’t indulge her either.  There’s no rule of MOH reciprocity.  BM’s are paired up based on height so she can accept her role or bow out.  Explain to her that there won’t be hard feelings if she doesn’t want to be anything but a MOH, but that if she does choose to be a BM then you need her to be in it 100% (without the tantrums).  You’re going to have enough to dael with, the bridal party should never be a source of stress. Best of luck!

Post # 9
Member
200 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

You can NOT have your FI cousin as one of your BM’s. Unless you are the kind of person who can get through this whole occassion without it bothering you…..if you’re not, then don’t even entertain the thought of asking her. Let your FI know that your wedding party is supposed to consist of the people in your life that you love and have been there for you, standing up for you on the most important day of your life. It doesn’t appear that his cousin qualifies…..and she’s rude to boot. She can stand on your FI side, as someone else suggested, but don’t let this stress you out. It should almost be a no-brainer. If that’s absoulutely not what you want to do, then stand firm and don’t let everyone else push you around, because trust me – weddings seem to bring out the worst in people. I have never seen so many fits, tantrums, and just general rude/bossy/jealous behavior in my life.

Post # 10
Member
508 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

It’s funny how bent out of shape folks get about weddings!  We’re having a strictly non-family wedding party (FI’s sister is a bit of a drama queen and I’m much closer to his brother’s wife than I am to her).  Don’t allow others to dictate who MUST be in your bridal party!  These are the people you’re going to rely on to help with the arrangements and stand up for you.  No need to invite further drama with a less-than-friendly cousin.  As many have mentioned above, you’ve taken the plunge with your male MOH, so if it is important to him to include her, he can add her on his side. 

I’m with sweettea on not indulging the cranky bridesmaid.   People and relationships change over time – there is a reason you picked your MOH and the BM needs to either excuse herself politely or suck it up and be happy for you already.  Sheesh!

Good luck! 

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