- 4 years ago
- Wedding: November 2013
I just want to start by saying I still want her as a bridesmaid and dont want to un-bridesmaid her (de-bridesmaid?) but im starting to think this is where its going. I never thought I would be writing this post.
FI proposed on Jan 1st 2012 and I made (inhindsight) the mistake of asking my bridesmaids straight away. BM (lets call her Shelby) and I had been friends for 5 years and got along great. We had been there for each other through a lot of things and saw each other on a regular basis. Shelby had a 1 year old daughter Alissa who I adored, and had recently broken up from an on again off again relationship with Alissas dad. Shelby’s family had mostly moved to SA from QLD (where I am) and Shelby had plans to move there after getting custody.
I should add that since Shelby had Alissa we had grown apart slightly, which FI always said “what do you expect you dont have a kid”
When I asked Shelby to be a BM I told her that I would understand if she declined as its a financial burden, and if she has already moved I would need her to fly back for her dress alterations and the actual wedding which is costly. She dismissed these things and said there is no way she wouldnt be by my side.
Fast forward to now and I barely speak to Shelby, When she last came to QLD she didnt even tell me until 3 days after she had arrived, and only after i commented on a photo of her on facebook of a friend that has kids. The only QLD friend Shelby seems to keep in contact with, their daughters are the same age.
When I text/email or whatnot regardless to what its about (wedding, Alissa, her birthday anything) I either dont get a response for a week or two or not at all. I have tried to let her know that I have to book dress alterations and will need to know when she is coming all through May and didnt get a reponse until May 24th after I sent her a long text asking if she still wants to be a bridesmaid and that Id understand if its becoming too much and that i was upset that we dont keep in touch etc. We had a talk and agreed we both need to try harder to keep contact. Shelby told me that she and her now partner Ken would be coming to QLD last week of June to the 9th of July. Between those dates, the dress maker and my work the only day I could book was June 29th, which I triple checked with Shelby before cemeting it. That was the 24th of May which she told me it was okay and she would book air tickets that day.
After that we talked probably every second day. On the 5th June I asked her if when she was down if she wanted me to organse a dinner with some of our old friends (which we usually do twice ish a year) and if she let me know what date she would be here I would organise with the other out of town friends. Which she replied that she has hasnt booked anything and she is waiting on Ken to find oput when he can get off work. I said that was okay but i will really need to know as soon as possible as I will also need to take time off work so we can buy shoes before the actual fitting.
I have also let Shelby know that if she wont be able to come any earlier to go shoe shopping im happy to transfer her money to buy them in SA
Its now the 17th and she has still not booked tickets or reponded to me since the 7th June. Even to texts saying happy birthday and asking how her party was.
There are other concerns that I have that I have brought up but nothing has really happened. When Shelby came to QLD last (when I wasnt told until 3 days after) it was so Alissas dad Joe, could see her, Shelby came on Thursday, Joe was meant to have thursday onwards off of work, and have Alissa from Thursday to the sunday the week after. (she was here 11 days) I went out for dinner with Shelby the last Saturday night she was here (leaving monday) and when I went to pick her up Joe was only just picking up Alissa, as “I had plans” Im haveing a adult only reception and as now her whole family is in SA and mutual friends are invited to my wedding im worried if he pulls the same stunt! (that wasnt the first time he has done something like that)
gah sorry for being SO LONG. Just after some advice if there is any.