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You're not being silly. You're being human. For the last year every time a friend of mine got engaged there was a little voice in my head that went "eh, it's never going to be you!" and I'd look askance at the Mr. and wonder.
In the end it started happening so much (12 friends got engaged or married last year. 12! Was there a memo that I missed?!) that I would start to feel very upset whenever I heard of a new engagement. It wasn't jealousy and I was never angry at my friends. There was just a little part of me that died over and over.
But then I'm sure that some of my friends (especially judging from their reactions) felt the same when I got engaged.
Just remember that your Mr. wants to make it special and a surprise because he loves you. It won't make the little bit of sadness go away but it will help get over it a lot faster :)
Oh yes - I definitely do get sad.
Mr. Smilie and I were engaged for ever and ever - but we never made it official. When I heard that my sister ist going to get married necxt year I even startet crying. It's not because I don't want her to get married - I'm really happy for her.. it's just because.... I wanted it, too.
But now I talked Mr. Smilie into making everything official and start saving money - because we're going to throw a party noone will ever forget :-)
And that is why i post on Weddingbee!!!
He has told me a number of times that he wants it to be the most romantic, perfect and amazing surprise i ever have.
We have been together for over 4 years now and he is worried that he has left it too late for it to truly be a suprise... I know it will be and i know he is waiting for the right time and I absolutely cannot wait!
It still does sting a little whenever i get that text message, email, phone call with "I'm engaged" and its not me and the man!
I was the exact same way when I was waiting, onl probably a little bit worse! When my (then) bf's best friend got engaged, I refused to go meet them with all of our friends to celebrate bc I was too upset and didn't want to fight with bf and cause a scene and ruin their night...I'm sorry, it sucks but hopefully you won't be waiting too much longer!
Aw, that really sucks!! I used to feel like that sometimes... but I try to keep in mind that I WILL get engaged, and when that happens I'll want everyone to be happy for me. So I just do my best to be supportive and so excited for my friend!
It's hard to be excited for someone else when you want it to be you. I try to remind myself to breathe and not to start an argument with the mister. Most of the time that works. I also understand about having waited too long--I think we had that conversation a few weeks back. I think there was an ideal time for a proposal, it was probably some time before I started thinking about getting married. But oh well, it didn't happen then and that doesn't necessarily mean I won't be happy when it happens.
Aw, I'm sorry. It's really hard when the folks around you keep getting engaged. I managed to go out and celebrate with them, but when I got home, I can assure you there were some huffy nights. FI doesn't like to remember those...
Yes, I used to get very upset - even when I was totally single. Hearing about engagements when I was dating my FH was even worse though - I felt so bad b/c I knew I should be happy for the couple, but I was just consumed with my own feelings/jealousy/whatever. You are human, just like everyone else don't feel bad.
Oh, and it came back to bite me - when we announced our engagement to our friends the night we got engaged (we had already planned a party, so everyone was over) There were a couple girls who were obviously very jealous and were acting uncomfortable/standoffish around me.
It's normal - and i know it's hard, so (((hugs)))
I've heard the same complaint from people who are trying to get pregnant - EVERYONE around us seems to be getting pregnant.
Your time will come when it's right. Just hang in there.
:)
i got sad, even when my friend was dating her bf for a long time and we were only dating for a few months! it's very normal when you know and you're ready.
It's not silly at all! When you see your friends and family getting engaged and married and you're still waiting, it can be literally painful. Sort of like you're standing in a foot of snow shivering and peering into the window of a house where they're having a Christmas party. Not cool at all. :(
For me, I've worked to secure the thought in my head that I will get engaged and married...just not right now. And I don't think about it from there. Why make it worse by being depressed or bringing it up? Weddings happen. They're supposed to be happy. It's not right to begrudge someone their happiness because of your own impatience.
But knowing that doesn't necessarily make waiting any easier, haha!
that's not silly, it's a natural feeling. i feel the same way when my friends started coupling off and getting engaged/married. you can't help but feel what you feel. i know the boy is very sensitive about that since it's been all of my friends getting married [though he doesn't like it much either since he wishes it were us too!].
i'm always sincerely happy for my friends but i want that for myself as well. and sometimes knowing that it'll happen when it's time isn't enough to curb the sadness.
No your not crazy!! This is the story of my life right now lol. Two of my best friends got engaged on the 4th of july and then another good friend in august! So yeah its crazy and I have been talking to my BF a lot about it, because its all around us and he was like "Just let everyone else be engaged right now and then when we get engaged they will all be jealous" all i could think was "great, thanks" lol
No not silly at all! I totally felt all the things you were feeling especially after a friend whom had only been dating their SO for 10 mos..it drove me crazy....fortunately I didn't have too much longer to wait and was a bride to be 6 months later and couldn't be happier.
It's not silly at all! Nope.
But in my circles b/c we're older everybody is already married. I'm the lone ranger. The singleton as Bridget Jones put it. And I am in the most amazing relationship and he's always saying (to my chagrin) that we're going to get married next summer but I do have a timeline in order to condense two households and move and with finances regarding that. So I am quite miffed today and have PMS in fact.
Totally ok to feel how you do! Whenever I hear about *yet* another engagement, it pretty much kills the rest of my day/evening. It makes me angry, sad, depressed, frustrated... the whole emotional gammut! Obviously that doesn't mean I'm not happy for my close friends who are/have gotten engaged or married. But elephants in small rooms eventually become hard to ignore... But please don't feel like you're overreacting. You are entitled to feel how you feel. If there's a constructive way that you can use these incidents and your feelings to pass it on to you SO, it may help move things along.
Miss Sydney - I thought of you last night when my SO informed me that some friends of our were getting engaged last night. BLECH! I can't stand it anymore!
You sound just like me lol. I have FIVE friends that have gotten engaged within the last year. All of them have been dating their boyfriends less time than I have been dating mine. I'm so happy for them and glad they're happy but at the same time, it's frustrating that I'm not engaged yet. My boyfriend is the same way, wants it to all be perfect and all that stuff, which is very sweet, but I just want to be engaged! Now that I know he has the ring, I feel a little better though. When one of my best friends called me letting me know she was engaged, I was so excited for her and let her know how happy I was for her, but the second I hung up that phone I layed on my bed and cried haha. Pathetic, right?
Our day will come though girl!! We've just all gotta stick together and vent to each other while we wait LOL!
Goodness im glad i found weddingbee!
We will be engaged by my 27th birthday - November 2010!! He came up with the timeline...
Although we are going to Paris and Italy in October 2010 for my best friend to get married... hmmm
Ohhh Paris and Italy?! Soooo romantic!! Engaged by your 27th sounds like a winner to me!! I'm hoping for engaged by the time I'm 30 (next July) so here's good luck vibes to the two of us!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~
A really good friend of mine just got engaged...I was a little frustrated at first. But now I seem to be living vicariously through her wedding...I keep looking at her venue choices online and buying her wedding planning books and making inspiration boards. It's a little odd really. But, at least I'm happy right?
@crebre80 - Definately good luck vibes!!!!
@bluebonnet - i agree, help out all you can, the more you will know when you are ready to plan your own!
Another TWO friends are now engaged since i posted this... Guess just around that age??
I'm so glad to read all these posts to help me realise that how I am feeling today is fairly normal! My boyfriend's best friend just got engaged this past weekend and I have never been so affected like this before. I've never once felt jealousy or frustration with any friends getting engaged, I'm normally so happy for them. But this one is different for some reason...
These friends of ours have not had the most stable relationship and fight often, and they have been together half the amount of time we have.
The worst part is that my boyfriend has a ring, I chose it and I know he bought it a few weeks back because he is so bad at hiding things from me. We celebrated our 6 year anniversary 3 weeks ago and I really thought that would be the day, but nothing. Turns out he was going to propose that night and even had the ring on him but didn't feel the moment was right because the restaurant we went to was a bit of a let down and it was a freezing cold night so the mood was not great. But my point is that he is slack and didn't plan anything to create a nice moment so how did he expect the moment to just fit in with him?
He even asked me if I think it's ok that he feels a bit upset at his friend getting engaged because he knew my boyfriend was going to propose to me sometime soon and that he sort of "stole his thunder", which is something his friend does often. I do see where he is coming from, because they are very very close friends, I told him it's tough luck, you snooze you lose type of thing. If my boyfriend told him 3 weeks ago that he was going to propose to me, and didn't, then it's my boyfriends own problem.
He keeps trying to tell me that I mustn't worry he has it all worked out and I tell him I don't want to know anything, he must just get on with it. I obviously share things with my closest friends, like when we picked out a ring etc, but now I just look like an idiot when I just never get engaged. It's just not a nice feeling when you feel it's your time and then yet another couple gets engaged. I think the worst is feeling like a fool when everyone's waiting for you to get engaged and you don't. So many people ask us when we're getting married and I've run out of excuses. I'm at a stage where I just want to walk into my boyfriend's house and say just put the damn ring on my finger for crying out loud! It's become so predictable and is no longer spontaneous. My boyfriend said it's suposed to be spontaneous and that's what he's waiting for, a spontaneous romantic moment! So I guess I must just come to terms with the fact that whoever is getting engaged around us has nothing to do with us, and if I try forget about it, it will be a great surprise when the time comes.
I know you've gotten a ton of responses. I thought I would just tell you this. I'm the same way. Especially when it's a couple that have been together much less time than the BF and I (5 years for us).
My BF makes a good point by saying,"just because they are getting engaged and married doesn't mean they will be happy." It sounds strange, but he's right. Just because they are getting engaged doesn't mean, oh they have a better relationship than us cuz they can commit. He doesn't mean it in a way of saying oh i hope they aren't happy. He just means be happy knowing that we have a plan and we are happy. Know what I mean?
My step mother has also pointed out that what others do is completely irrelevant to my BF and I.
I guess I just tend to set dates in my head...Like oh I know I'll be engaged at least before so and so..Then when it doesn't happen it's like I've created this competition in my mind.
I'm still jealous but it helps knowing that just cuz someone else is engaged doesn't make them better or happier than us. I still see random people with rings and think..uh she must be perfect since her man proposed...Or whatever goes through my mind that day lol. I hope this helps. I know exactly how you feel though.
YES! So many people I knew from high school are either engaged or married...or better yet...having babies ON PURPOSE! lol. It's a whole new territory...
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I know im being silly, but it just seems like all my friends are getting engaged at the moment! Many of them have also been dating for less than me and the man! I am really happy for all of them!
He wants to make it perfect and a surprise, and i know that... but does anyone get a little sad that it wasnt them every time they hear that another friend is engaged?