Post # 1
- Wedding: September 2013 - B&B
Hello bees! Ok another guest list/invitation question. My Fiance, while he is still in school, works as a cook in the kitchen of a popular chain restaurant. He’s friends with some of the other kitchen guys, acquaintences with some, and hardly knows some of the others.
He wants to invite some of the kitchen staff. He believes that there won’t be a nice way to invite some without inviting all, even though he’s not close at all with some. Another thing to consider, they ALL will NOT be able to come, even just considering those he’s closer with… after all someone has to work so the restaurant has food!
His thought… was to send ONE invite directed to “the kitchen” (he’s also inviting his bosses/supervisors) and then letting the kitchen staff and the bosses work it out amongst themselves who wants to go vs how many they can let have the day off. In a way, I suppose it makes sense. Bottom line they ALL won’t be able to have the day off, so I can see him wanting everyone to have equal notice and heads up and to also include his bosses in the decision so they are not blindsided by having too many people try to request off all at once. (Assuming we’re that popular 😛 maybe no one will be able to or want to come!)
But I am just sure that this is breaking all kinds of etiquette rules. I think the proper way will be to make sure that his bosses get their invites first, and he has a sincere talk about his intentions so they can be prepared for the questions and requests off. THEN send an invite to everyone in the kitchen by name and address. This will, however, mean ALOT of invites, and I admit I understand his hesitation in sending an invite to people he really doesn’t know, but feels bad about “leaving them out” so to speak. I think he feels like if its an invite directed to everyone at once, people will be courteous and decline their invite so that others can go who are closer.
Please vote which way you would handle this… or if you have an additional suggestion, please tell me! I included a poll so that we could see the results together, that way if it leans heavily one way or another we have the objective opinions of outside views and we aren’t just butting heads lol.
Post # 3
In a lot of cases, I say screw etiquette if it’s just not practical. I think this is one of those times…I agree with a group invite.
Post # 4
My Fiance is a restaurant manager.. so we’re kind of in the same situation.. invite all his employees, are just the ones he’s closer with.. we’ve opted to just invite a few he’s become closer with.
What if the people he’s not close with end up getting the day off and are able to go, instead of the one’s he is close with? It’s a tricky situation.. I would send individual invites to the guys he’s close with.
And, guys aren’t catty like girls.. chances are they won’t be upset if they’re not invited.
Post # 5
I’d never do a group invite; even if I were close to every single co-worker or member of that group, it looks really lazy to not bother addressing an invite specificially to each person. You can do a group invite for a kegger, but not for a wedding.
I would invite the people that he truly wants to be there, and let them worry about making their scheduling requests on their own.
Post # 6
Let the bosses/supervisors know first and then invite the few that he’s close to and wants to invite. the other people he’s not close with will probably not be expecting an invite anyway. and this way the people he’s close with will have a better chance of getting off and being able to attend. people’s feelings shouldn’t be hurt, everyone has to compromise with venue capacity/budget guidelines
Post # 7
I would send individial invites to the people he would like to see at his wedding.
Post # 8
I have worked in restaurants and have been left out of being invited to weddings, but at the end of the day it really didn’t make a difference.
Invite those that he is close with, the rest of the staff will understand.
Post # 9
- Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo
@WeddingRepublic: I agree with this… OP, you mentioned he’s just acquaintances and barely knows some of the other people, so why invite those people, either by individual or group invite? However, like you said, I think it’s a good idea to give his bosses a heads up so they know that a certain number of people will also be invited, and can they work around them or at least a portion of them being absent.
Post # 10
I’m using one rule for both my and FI’s work people — if we hang out with them outside of work, then they will likely be invited. To invite everyone we work with, even just our departments, would be a huge chunk of our guest list.
Post # 11
I would send individual invites and let them hash out the scheduling details themselves. Your Fiance could say to them all that he sent everyone an invite and he realizes some can’t come because they have to work to let them know they better put their time-off requests in ASAP.
Post # 12
I, personally, would want people at the wedding that he wasn’t close to, but if that isn’t an issue for you then I think you can do the group invite. But beware that you will not get a firm number for your headcount. I had a friend that this did with her church. She invited everyone from church and asked that they let her know if they would be coming and she ended up having to plan for additional people because she could never be sure who was coming and who wasn’t. So there was lots of leftover food. But it worked. The whoel family ate pasta for two weeks straight.
Post # 13
I would think that if he limited it to just the people he’s close to *and* let the bosses know that, there might be a way to help ensure that those people are able to get the time off for the wedding and the ones not invited are scheduled to cover. Unless there are more complex politics at work, it should actually be a good plan to limit the number of invitations among the kitchen employees, right?
Post # 14
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rosehill Community Center
I might invite the bosses and inform them that you’d be inviting a few of the kitchen staff, and let them know who exactly, then only invite the ones he was close with. No need to invite people you don’t really know well… I wouldn’t be expected to be invited to a wedding of a coworker if I didn’t really know them well, so they shouldn’t.
Post # 15
- Wedding: September 2013 - B&B
Thanks for the responses so far! I myself definitely do like the idea of only inviting those he’s closer with. I sort of feel like we could be opening up a can of worms inviting people he hardly knows lol. He just worried about hurting others’ feelings by doing that.
I will not be inviting work people… My Fiance has been there since his very first job when he was 15 so he’s def developed some relationships, so at least we only have to worry about this from his end.
Thank you so much for all your responses, (and personal experience with this) and I would certainly appreciate any others’!
Post # 16
I voted send individual invites but I think you should send them to the employees home addresses. Then nobody will feel that bad that they didn’t get one- kind of like giving out valentines to only some kids in class but not all. If you send them to their house it’s not a big deal. I def. wouldn’t do a group invite- what if the boss decides only the people you aren’t close to can come?