Post # 1
Hi Bees, please help us figure out what/how much to give for this wedding!
Relationship: step-cousin (niece of my step-dad), two years older than I am, and I see her once or twice a year at most at family gatherings. We are friendly but not friends, we don’t chat or have a relationship outside of this step-family connection. I haven’t actually met her fiance…
Location: MN, 3.5 hour drive each way, so 7 hours round trip. Hotel required for one night.
Wedding: October 5pm wedding outdoors near a barn (average high temp at that time of the year is 55 degrees O_o), with a reception in the barn (are these things heated???)
Other: Our neurotic dog will have the displeasure of being boarded overnight.
Couple’s background: both are established in their careers and purchased a house together several months ago.
Our income: let’s just say together we’re in the $60-90k (pre-tax) income bracket, FI is an engineer but I’m a poor grad student. We have a mortgage and I have a smallish amount of student loans.
Thanks a bunch!
Post # 3
Just going to add that so far the cost of attending will be $400, not including the gift. FI seems pretty uncomfortable with the idea of giving anything over $150, and the most expensive registry items are in the $140 to $150 range, so I’d like to hear the reasons from the bees who are voting for significantly more than that.
Post # 4
@Taeyers: I dont think you should base your gift off of what they already have. They arent close family so you dont have to go overboard either. I would just give the $150 that you are comfortable with. That is plenty generous. I was in my half-sisters wedding and I spent $165 on the dress, plus alterations plus a plane ticket plus hotel rooms, plus rental car, plus food! FI and I still gave them $150. They have been together for 12 years and have been living together for around 10 but that didn’t matter. We gave when we could afford. We knew the wedding was coming up and had time to save.
Post # 5
No matter how much the wedding is costing to attend (unless it’s some exotic destination where you’re shelling out $1000), I always say cover your plate. In Minnesota, I think $80-100 should suffice.
Post # 6
Ok so their jobs an income has nothing to do with it. That’s really not fair.
If you are comfortable giving and can afford about $100-150, then give that.
Post # 7
I voted in the $100-$150 range based on how close you mention you are and the fact that you said your husband doesn’t feel comfortable giving over $150.
However, if I were personally attending the wedding I would probably give $75. That’s just around our average gift for family members weren’t not very close with. That’s a standard gift price in my area.
Post # 8
@HappySky7: Oh lord…. Please don’t accuse me of being unfair. I wasn’t saying their jobs or income were influencing my decision, I only included it because their financial status is the only relevant thing I know that may help figure out if this is going to be a budget wedding or a splurgy affair. It was just a clue to what they might have felt they could afford. I know many people say “cover your plate”, but I have absolutely no way of knowing whether they’re paying $25 or $250 per person. The invitations don’t even say what type of reeption it’s going to be (dinner/bar/sit-down/etc.)
@jesssamesssa: Please see my above response RE: “basing the gift off of what they already have”. I’m just trying to provide the only information I have about them and their wedding to help others answer my question. That’s literally all I know about them, so I included it.
@BlushingBrideNYC: Thanks, that’s what we ended up thinking too!
@MadTownGirl: Thanks for your suggestion! $150 was kind of the absolute max for my FI, and since I haven’t seen her in probably 2 years and haven’t met her FI, we settled on $100 of registry gifts.