- 4 years ago
- Wedding: March 2013
We live on the same street as my mother and father in law. We moved in two days after I got my BFP but it all started the day before, just one day after taking the pregnancy test. I went out to lunch with Mother-In-Law. Darling Husband and I were waiting to tell others and had to wait even longer after my lunch date with Mother-In-Law. She decided to tell me that day that she and her family had been discussing me and my family. They were concerned about Darling Husband and I ever having children because they didn’t want my mom to watch any of our future children! This is before they knew! I assured her I had everything under control and I would not leave any kids wIth someone incapeable of giving them the absolute best care.
So two months later we announce the pregnancy and we get lectured over nonsense from my in laws. I shrugged it off. For another two months they didn’t aknowledge the pregnancy at all until the gender scan. That’s when the craze kicked in. We were told that dH and I were not going to be “allowed” to keep the baby away from them. They started lecturing non stop about the responsibilities of parenting blah blah blah. Again I shrugged it off.
I have a six year old, she isn’t yet DHs (still awaiting the papers from her bio dad) but he has raised her since she was one. We know the responsibilities of raising a child and do a darned good job. My six year old is the sweetest kid and the favorite of all her teachers. We do our best. She is shy though. My ILs said they want her to feel equal to them but do nothing to help this. They now ignore her any time the baby is present.
Not only that but suddenly Mother-In-Law started critisizing the way I raised my six year old. She even went to far as to make up lies and make me look like a fool. She said my six year olds teachers have been calling her the smelly kid and threatenig to call social services. I was shocked. I get my kid dressed and ready for school every morning. She is always bathed and groomed. So I went to the school to find out why this was saId and why it was said to someone else but not her parent. Her teachers were just as shocked and said nothing could be further from the truth. We confronted Mother-In-Law after talking to the school and she ignored us about it when we asked who said it. I swear I felt like I was in highschool. That made Darling Husband snap. He was so mad that his parents were making things up just to lecture us.
So he blew up on them and eventually things smoothed out. Their lectures stopped completely thankfully.
But now I see how they think of me and my parenting and I just can’t let my frustration go. They never apologized and still clearly think they were right even when they lied.
Now any time we are outside they stop by to see the baby (a couple times a week) but if we don’t drop her off with them every weekend we get constant texts about how badly they need to see her. Before she was born we would go over a month without seeing them. Now its constant and I’ve just got this sour taste in my mouth about them since all of this. If I, my family, and my eldest child are not good enough for you why should you be good enough for my baby? I just want to say no every time they ask to see the baby. My mom hasn’t seen her in two months and every time they ask I can see the releif when I tell them we haven’t seen my mom lately.
I know they just want what is best for their grandchild but we have raised one phenominal girl so far, they should see this baby will be well taken care of. But for some reason they just think myself and my family aren’t equal and I’m sick of it. Yea my mom drinks but I’ve dealt with that issue years ago and she knows not to around my children. I have this under control. My children are clean, well fed and clothed, loved beyond imagination, taught manners and respect, are happy and well behaaved and my six year old has the strongest faith in God I have ever seen in a child. But I’m doing something wrog? Gah!!!
So each time I drop her off with them I regret it. I don’t want to. I don’t want her with people who think so little of me. But Darling Husband says we need to let them baby sit so I can get a break every once in a while. I tell him I don’t want a break but he still says we need to. I don’t mind them seeing the baby but I think it’s honestly too much time with people who don’t like me.
What’s your take on all of this? I did need to vent but any opinions or ideas on the right way to handle this is appreciated. I have tried to talk to my inlaws about this but they refuse to take responsibility. They will say “if you think we dont like you that’s on you, I won’t be made to feel bad for how you feel” yet they have never once said anything to give me the slightest inclination that they approve. They say pretty much “you’re not good enough for my grandchild but if you don’t feel good enough that’s your fault”.
If we weren’t stuck in a two year lease id have moved out the week the baby was born.