Post # 1
I know there a couple other threads on this topic going on, but I didn’t want to threadjack, and my question is a little different:
The ONLY venue I have found that I even remotely like can accommodate about 140 guests. This is perfect if we do not invite children. We would be a-ok with this with the exception of four of my cousins who are all between the ages of 14-17, all of whom I am close to – I see them at least once a month, and they love FI.
The problem is FI thinks if we say no children, other guests who did not bring theirs will be offended by the presence of these teenagers. I keep saying that teenagers are different than children, but FI won’t budge. He says kids are kids if they are under 18.
I don’t know what to do. Even if I can convince FI (and it’s not looking good), how would we go about conveying the “no young children” message. I have noticed that it is thought to be poor etiquette to just say NO KIDS, or ADULTS ONLY, and I think it’s weird to put an age limit, like no children under 12…or is it??
Please HELP ME!!!
Post # 3
I am doing this exact same thing!
Teenagers are fun and guess what? They are usually the first to get on the dance floor if you play stuff like top 40. They usually encourage other people to get out there. They give your wedding a youthful vibe without turning it into pre-school.
Anyways, what I am doing is simply putting on the invitations “No kids under 12, please.”
You could also just invite the husband and wife of the famillies with younger children and then invite the teens in other famillies by name on the invitations, but only do that if the famillies with teens do not have any brothers and sisters under 12.
So yeah, I’ve found people to be very understanding of the no kids under 12 rule. I mean, come on, you pay different prices at the zoo, movie theatres or restaurants for kids age 12 and up, don’t you? Facebook allows those 13 and up to make a profile. Under 18 is a minor. Under 12 is a child, and plenty of businesses make the separation very clearly.
Post # 4
I think a cut off of 14 or so is perfectly appropriate.
Post # 5
Thanks ladies. I hope I can get FI on board…
Post # 6
Our age limit is no one under 13. Teens can keep themselves occupied and will not run laps around the cake table, cry, or throw a temper tantrum hehhe
Post # 7
Wow, that is tough mostly because your FI is so adamant about the whole thing. In my opinion “kids” are not teenagers. And seeing as the 14-17 year olds are family.. I don’t think any non-family members have the right to be angry that they can’t bring their kids. I would just go with “Adult-Only Reception” and let it be known (if anyone has a problem) that family has precedence over any other “kids”, who are not invited.
Post # 8
I think the issue is his side of the family has some 9-12 year-olds. They are cousins and step-nieces/nephews, but the thing is…FI doesn’t even like his family. He has no problems telling them they can’t come, but does have a problem if I’m telling my cousins they can. So it’s pretty much like I’m saying MY side of the family can have kids and his can’t, just because we happened to make the age cut-off right where his family starts.
Post # 9
We will likely invite first cousins 12+. If people have a problem with that, then oh well. I think your idea is great and I hope your fiance gets on board!
Post # 10
@katiedee: Ouch! Yea… I see how tough the situation is now! There is no easy way to fix that I suppose. Unless you flat out say, these are people that are close to me. Maybe he feels guilty about not inviting them and not wanting to invite them… so he wants to cover it up with the whole “no kids” thing. I would just try to get to the bottom of that. Because if that’s the case, you need to convince him that it’s ok not to invite people you don’t want there–and don’t feel guilty about it. But let you invite your close people 🙂