Post # 1
We are having a destination wedding in December. I know that we are not suppose to invite people to our shower(s) if we are not planning on inviting them to the wedding. We are very limited in the number of people that can be invited to our wedding due to location and size. Yet, both of our parents want to have showers for us. Can we call this shower something else, where it would be acceptable to invite others? Or is it okay to invite these people and then send them an announcement after the wedding?
Post # 3
- Wedding: June 2010 - Ceremony - First United Methodist Church; Reception - My parents' house!
How about an engagement party?
Post # 4
If everyone knows you are having a destination wedding, I think it’s still ok to call it a shower. It’s a party to celebrate your upcoming marriage and honestly, I think it’s nice that you want to celebrate with people who can’t be there with you on the big day so they can still “shower” you with their love and congratulations.
Just be upfront with people that this is a destination wedding and you wanted a chance to celebrate with those who won’t be able to be there!
Post # 5
I am uncomfortable with having a destination wedding and responding you can’t invite everyone because of you are limited by size. The truth of the matter is, you are trying to cut expenses, correct? I think it would be more up front if you were to wait until after you were married and held a “house warming” at your new place for both sides of the family. Your parents and in-laws can still pay for the expenses but I think if people aren’t invited to a shower, by any name, it’s still a shower. I’m not certain but I think engagement parties also mean those people will be invited to the wedding. That you’ll have to check as I’ve never been to one or knew anyone who had one.
If relatives are close to either of you, you’ll get a gift whether they are invited to a party or not. By any name, it’s an opportunity for people to give gifts without inviting them to a wedding.
Another idea would be to forget the shower. Hold a reception in both places for both sets of parents, let there be food/music; you wear your dress. I am just uncomfortable with the idea of asking for gifts by any name and not inviting them to the wedding.
Post # 6
We’re struggling with this a bit too.
4 different people have offered to throw us showers.
#1- I don’t really enjoy shower parties. It sounds awful and selfish to say that but really, I don’t like being the center of attention. The wedding will be hard enough for me.
#2- He and I are older and we’ve lived alone for YEARS before we met. We have a ton of stuff. Granted we need things like a larger set of matching everyday dishwear and nice pots/pans BUT I don’t need 3 parties to recieve what little we do need.
#3- Our wedding is in 47 days. I am not asking guests to fork out several gifts in this span of time. It seems rude to me. I’m not in this for gifts! I’m just happy people will attend the wedding!
So in place of a shower We’re probably going to just get together in small groups for a nice lunch. Good food, good company, no gifts, no obligation.
Post # 7
I like where Here Comes the Sun is coming from. there are alot of us that feel that way and alot of us in the situation where we enter marriage after years of living together or on our own.
I do know of a friend who told friends and family that she thought it would be fun to have an open house after they were married and lay out all the “stuff” they brought into the marriage that they didn’t want and ask people to “take” what they want. She never did it, but it was a novel idea anyway. It did get out to all her friends however that she didn’t need anything.
I think registering for the things we want is the best route, and especially if Here Comes the Sun’s wedding is in about a month, people will start wanting to know what to give; so the registry is the best way to get around getting random gifts.
I think by not having a shower, sets a tone that people are valued for their relationships and those that are valued are invited to the wedding. Ultimately unless we live in small town USA where our lives revolve around social gatherings, people are actually happy they don’t have to give up their one Saturday to attend a bridal shower, put on good clothes, and spend time trying to figure out what to get the bride. Also, think of it this way. If you don’t have one, and you haven’t received any gifts, you don’t have to spend every dime you make on gift after gift for everyone else. You can use your $ to buy what you want.
Post # 8
I like either an engagement party – no emphsis on gifts or a reception when you get back. I think I’d go the reception route as I’m not for showers in the first place.
Post # 9
I vote for the reception route. You could make it have more of a shower feel (maybe a brunch or lunch), but have whoever is throwing it for you call it a celebration of your marriage brunch (not that exactly, but something along those lines).