Another new car

posted 2 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
4639 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Why are you with someone who clearly has incredibly different priorities than you do?

You want marriage. He doesn’t.

Post # 3
Member
746 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

men, so damn silly sometimes! smhhhhhhh buttholes

Post # 4
Member
1032 posts
Bumble bee

Ugh

Post # 5
Member
439 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Did he need the new car? Was the Civic about to give out? There may be some explanation, but if not, you should explain to him that marriage is your first priority and that he’s had enough time and money to make it happen.

Post # 6
Member
80 posts
Worker bee

Marriage is a much bigger commitment than a car, haha. What’s strange is that he went and got a new car without even telling you. That’s concerning. 

Post # 7
Member
2017 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

LOL that reply probably wasn’t what you were expecting. Anyways, I think this is a stupid comparison. I buy cars like bras, every 3 years I get a new one so it isn’t odd to me that it took him 1.5 days decide 🙂  Marriage is the rest of your life and shouldn’t be messed with. Perhaps your timelines were off but you have control of that too, you could have left. Good luck to you, your ring is coming 🙂

Post # 9
Member
5966 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

 

Jadegreen:  Im going to be realistic here and say that comparing a decision on a car is not like a marriage. A marriage is a lifetime committment where as a car is not. A car is 5-10 years with the possibility of upgrade at any point. It isn’t nearly as serious as choosing a life partner. Not to mention, some men don’t get nearly excited about marriage or a wedding as they do about cars or say sports as another example. Sad but true…It’s just not the same.

can I ask how old you guys are? 6 years can mean different things, like if you started dating in high school, 6 years isn’t as long as if the 6 years spanned from 23-29. I understand it’s frustrating but try to keep yourself from getting bitter, as hard as it is.

 

With all that said, I would be more bothered by the fact that he’s making those kinds of financial decisions without your input than I would be about him spending on a car and not a ring. It shows he’s still thinking in terms of himself and not of both of you. A car purchase isn’t a marriage, but it’s sure a big enough purchase that he should have at least kept you in the loop and involved you in that kind of decision.

Post # 10
Member
202 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2017

I hear you completely, my boyfriend gets a new car every 2-3 years, says he won’t let one depreciate in Value more than that. The last time he got a car he got one with enough space for a baby seat etc because he didn’t think he would get a new one for a few years because of “other priorities” but now, 2 years on, I find him looking at new cars again! Says he’s just researching but I know what happens when he researches! Anyway, last time he got a car I told him I wanted a ring before the next one so I hope he has remembered what we agreed!!! 

In short, some people will say his priorities are all wrong but my SO is exactly the same and cars are just one of his massive loves and i just try and accept that now. Try not to be too cross with him, I know it’s crazy   hard though! X

Post # 11
Member
1787 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Jadegreen:  I think I see marriage as a ”telling the world about your commitment” ceremony rather than ”making a commitment”. As in, marriage doesn’t really change anything much about a commited relationship other than making it legal and having a celebration in front of your family and friends. 

So, what I would be concerned about here is the fact that he would just go and buy a car without involving you. That goes to show that he doesn’t feel like he’s in a commited relationship where your big decisions involve other people. Ring or no ring… the issue here is that he bought a car without telling you. That gives you your answers about how commited he is to you and how mature he is :-/

My DH bought a car before we got married.. but we consider it ”our car” even though it’s in his name, and we made the financial decision about buying it together. 

Post # 12
Member
2455 posts
Buzzing bee

Jadegreen:  So the ring is on layaway and he traded in his car…what’s the big deal??

Post # 13
Member
2791 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - Walnut Hill Bed & Breakfast

I’d be concerned that he went out and made a such a big decision (buying a car) without even telling you! While I don’t really think you have any say in the matter (until engaged/married) – I at least think it should be something he tells you he’s thinking about! 

Post # 14
Member
12998 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’d be pissed for 1. buying a new car without talking to me at all.  2. Spending that much on a car when he had a perfectly fine one when he clearly cannot afford it.  If it was affordable, the ring wouldn’t be on layaway.  I’d worry less about the ring and getting engaged and more about his spending habits if I were you.  I wouldn’t even be able to be with someone so financially irresponsible.

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