Post # 1
So, if anyone saw in a previous post, PenguinGuy recently had a groomsman back out due to work issues. Not that big of a deal, we both totally understand. Well, last night he had another groomsman back out.
Even though PenguinGuy isn’t saying so, I can tell that this one bothers him much more than the first one. Why? Because this was one of his best friends from college, so close that there had even been talk of him being best man for PenguinGuy. Well, last night he tells Fiance that he doesn’t want to do it for a couple of reasons.
1, he doesn’t want to make a spectacle of himself being the only groomsman that no one knows. Umm…yeah, my family has met exactly 1 of hte groomsmen and that is because he is married to my sister! PenguinGuy’s immediate family has met the guy and honestly how many times do you go to a wedding and know the ENTIRE wedding party unless you are very close with both bride and groom?
2. He was talking with his wife (who is invited I might add!) and she doesn’t want him to do it because she doesn’t feel comfortable having him be all partnered up and all over a bridesmaid. PenguinGuy tried explaining that a. every single bridesmaid is either married or might as well be as they are in SERIOUS relationships and he would have been partnered with my friend who is not only married, with a kid, but her husband is a minister! Oh, and yes, I have met the wife and she is not the nicest person and one whom I could see saying something like that.
I am just so upset at this friend. I don’t care about what it does to the wedding party numbers, I just know that it really hurts PenguinGuy that he might not even come to the wedding now. I feel crushed at this too…i know how much he was hoping his friend could be there to stand up for him. Sigh.
Post # 3
Those reasons are totally ridiculous. Is it possible he made them up because he thought they sounded better than the real reason? Maybe they can’t afford it or something? I don’t know… both of those reasons sound idiotic and immature. HUGS to your FI!
Post # 4
The reason about “being all over a bridesmaid” might be one of the dumbest things I have ever heard. What a jealous, hateful woman. I’m actually going to go ahead and blame her for his decision without hearing all sides of the story. Jealous, selfish, and stupid.
Post # 5
Wow. These reasons are ridiculous. Half of our bridesmaids/groomsmen didn’t know each other, and I never even thought of it as being an issue.
As for being partnered with/”all over” a bridesmaid….ummmm, wtf? They walk down the aisle together, and then enter the reception together. They’re not getting a room together or anything.
This guy sounds like a jerk :o(
Post # 6
What a shame, but it sounds like he’s just making up excuses and those aren’t the real issues. His wife may be more of an influence than you know and is pretty insecure about her own relationship.
I’m sure your Fiance is upset. I would be too!
Post # 7
As sad as it sounds, I have seen women being very, very uncomfortable with their husbands being “partnered up” with another woman during a wedding ceremony. Yeah, some have jealousy problems like that…
For the Groomsmen, he has the choice between upsetting your Fiance, talk it out and getting over it, or upsetting his wife and hear about it for God knows how long! It’s sad that he can’t stand up to her, but I think it’s a case of picking out his battles…
I don’t know what solutions to offer, except to speak with him again and see if anything can be done to change his mind, since it’s so important for your Fiance for him to be there…
Post # 8
That is really sad. I feel for you and your Fiance. Would it be too out of place to talk with the wife and explain that her husband’s being a Groomsmen really is more about supporting you Fiance in an important moment in his life?
Was your Fiance a Groomsmen at their wedding?
Post # 9
Wow…. that woman is a real gem. That statement has to be one of the most ridiculous, insecure things I’ve heard in a long time.
I really dont know what to say except I’d be upset too. Good luck in this situation. Hopefully things will work out.
Post # 10
Sorry:( One of my brothers (my closest actually) wasn’t a groomsman because his wife was jealous of not being in the wedding party! (I don’t have any sisters, and I chose not to have any BMs, just a Maid/Matron of Honor who is my cousin). So instead of my closest brother being in my wedding party, he ended up doing a reading, which was nice, but he didn’t also get the honor of being in our wedding party. 🙁
Post # 11
Yeah, there is something not right in this situation. The gm’s wife is too overprotective. Really?? What is their problem?
Ugh, I would be so pissed. Could you find someone to replace the gm?
Or you could do the more bridesmaids than groomsmen. I bet the guys would love that.
I had two bm’s call out last minute, so I had 2 gm had to walk down the aisle with one bm. Everyone loved it.
Post # 12
These are silly reasons not to be a Groomsmen, and his wife has major issues if this makes her jealous. I think there could be something else at play, as some others have suggested. I’m sorry for your Fiance 🙁
By the way, I actually do think being “partnered up” is sorta weird, and I don’t like it… but I would never tell my Fiance not to be in a wedding b/c of it, and I wouldn’t decline an invitation to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man b/c of it either.
Post # 13
I do not understand women like this. What does she think is going to happen.. they are going to walk down the aisle together and then just start going at it? My hubs is in a wedding a few weeks and I could care less about the chick he gets partnered up with.. in fact, I’m sure I’ll be taking all sorts of pictures of them together. And I will not know ANYONE at this wedding except for the bride and groom. The groom is a good friend of his from when they were quite young and hubs and I didn’t meet until college.
Post # 14
wow. that’s ridiculous, and really stinks 🙁
Post # 15
@rachaelrobin No, PenguinGuy wasn’t a Groomsmen at their wedding. It was, to the best of my knowledge, an exceedingly small, fast wedding. I don’t think he even got an invite to it! It was one of those one day they are engaged, next day they are married kind of weddings. Admittedly, I could be wrong as I was living very long distance from PenguinGuy for a while AND he (PenguinGuy) is military and has been “out” for most of the past year and a half, the time frame in which they have gotten married.
@yrret We are already having more bridesmaids than groomsmen, not intentional but I don’t think it is a big deal. We are a little to late in the game to try to find more groomsmen to take the places of those that have left the party for various reasons.
@pretty much everyone else! I do agree that there is probably more to the groomsman’s story than those 2 reasons. I guess I just feel really bad for PenguinGuy having to deal with this. I also feel bad for the groomsman if his wife really does have that much control/power over him!
@Angela It is a bit odd to think about being “paired up” with someone, but I was always able to rationalize it in that it was simply an escort kind of thing. They are simply arm candy for each other for the recessional and then the entrace to the reception, end of obligation. They don’t even stand next to their ‘partner’ in pictures! lol