Post # 1
And yet again he’s kind of surprised as he was about his closest friend.
Closest friend, whose wedding we will be attending in June: quite the bachelor who wants to live his life to the fullest. Now that I think about it, all of their friends are kind of shocked that he’s the first one out of the bunch to put a ring on it!
Friend who just got engaged: girl actually cheated on him many times in high school, but they’ve been on and off since 2005 and I guess they can’t see themselves with anyone else by now.
So now I’m wondering what goes through my ever-loving SO’s head. He hears about these engagements and always says he’s grateful that our relationship is crystal clean (sooooooo PROPOSE ALREADY. lol :)). His friends have been together with their SO’s in just as long but not perfect relationships… I’m not trying to be a relatinoship snob but it’s true. We have been together for 6 years solid, no breaks or distance in between. In a way I’m starting feel like we’re married without the papers… And that’s probably why he’s dragging his feet.
Post # 3
@NinjaWings: Aww, I’m sorry you feel like he’s dragging his feet. I feel like a lot of men do this… They get comfortable with the way things are, so why spend all that money on a ring and all that time on planning a wedding? I feel you though… My boyfriend is definitely the last of his group of friends to get married, and I just want him to do it already so we “fit in” hahaha. Your time will come, and at least you know you will have a solid marriage 🙂
Post # 4
@NinjaWings: SO and I will be 6 solid years in June. We’ve been living together for 4. I totally feel like we’re married w/o the papers. TOTALLY. Sometimes I like that, sometimes I don’t. Whenever I get the feeling someone thinks my relationship isn’t as serious as someone who’s married, but been together for 3 years total, I wanna kick them!
I’ve had sooooooooooo many conversations with coworkers/clients and it starts with them saying “my husband/wife blah blah” and I’ll say something like “my boyfriend blah blah” They ask me how long we’ve been together and I say “almost 6 years” their response is “oh wow that’s longer than me and my husband!” makes me so angry!
Post # 5
@NinjaWings: We have only been together over 2 years and it absolutely feels like marriage without papers. Literally NOTHING about how we live our lives will change once we get married, everything is already intertwined. I cannot IMAGINE 6 years!
Post # 6
The good news is that men start to think about being married a lot more when their friends take the plunge!
Post # 7
there’s a difference between being happy you have a “perfect” relationship and wanting to get married. Why don’t you ask him where he sees your relationship going and if he even wants to get married.
Post # 8
@kendra389: Yup, men haven’t the slightest idea of the time it takes to build your average wedding. at least I am endlessly grateful that we have a good thing going! I would never give up what we have built just to become engaged sooner.
@memo: what makes me reeeeally angry is when people get disrespectful about it. like when they question the structure of your relationship. one time someone even asked if we were in an open relationship and I was extremely offended! if we were still looking then why the hell would we still be together?!
@badabing88: the only thing that would change once we get married would be trying to have a baby. other than that, i’m 100% sure life would be identical to what we have now. I try to use that as an argument sometimes, but unfortunately it works for him too.
@solidarity: I hope so! and I’m pretty sure his parents have started giving him the nudge.
@MrsWBS: i’ve been shutting it up for the past 2 months and so far he’s the one who brings up random wedding stuff (like when we’re watching stuff on TLC, he’ll say to make sure i bring my mom with me when i try on wedding dresses because she has good taste lol). we’ve talked and we know we’re going to get married one day. he does have a habit of going REALLY slow with life changing decisions so it’s not a surprise but it still sucks!
Post # 9
@NinjaWings: wow! No one has asked me that. that’s really weird. It’s the whole “boyfriend” thing. I am a nursing student, and I’ve had people asked if I would travel as a nurse. I said “as long as SO can get a job, I’d be willing to go” then they blow it off like it’s no big deal to move away without him. I feel like if he was my husband, they would never suggest I could move away without him.
Post # 10
Maybe time to have the discussion that whens the right time for the two of you to take the next step. Just so you both are on the same page and you don’t have to leave everything entirely up to him. If you want to be engaged and start working on being a family together, be proactive about it.
Post # 11
@memo: Lucky! SO’s an engineer so he’s got a wider range of places to go than me (Neurobio). Right now we’ve decided to get up and start relocating somewhere, hopefully down south! We moved to middle-of-the-woods PA right after we graduated last year and I think we’re over it. We never decided to settle here anyway, so I’m thinking maybe once he feels like he has a “home” then he’ll feel more secure and ready to take the next step 🙂
@Koala Bear: I take being proactive with a grain of salt. I say this because his last long term gf was the definition of clingy and pushy, and I do not want to replace her in that image. We’ve had the talk many, many times and he’s made it clear that it’s just him and me for the rest of our lives. It’s just that he’s one of those guys who doesn’t value an engagement nearly as much as a marriage, he’s expecting a wedding maybe 2 weeks after proposing. lol, yeah right.
Post # 12
Sorry you’re feeling left out. If it makes you feel any better, when a guy’s friends are engaged/married, they are more likely to get engaged/married. So be happy for them, and think of it as they’re paving the way for you.