Post # 1
I wish there were people I could block from replying to this, already know what some are going to say…HOWEVER…
My FI is a big fitness guy which I love about him even though I am not. I mean, I workout, but it’s not my life like it is for him. He’s on countless groups, forums, websites for everything from crossfit to weightloss to paleo eating to bacon!! Whatever, it keeps him off the streets haha.
A lot of these athletes that he’s a “fan” of are women and for God’s sake, why can’t they wear any clothes??? I’m not going to lie, it does make me a little self conscious b/c I will never look like them nor do I have a desire to. As of late, he’s just ALWAYS ON HIS GODDAM PHONE. Every time I look over at him! This morning, he was scrolling facebook while brushing his teeth! He was never like this, if anything, would get on me for being on my phone.
Anyway last night we’re watching one of our favorite shows and something EPIC happened. I turned to him and his face was in his phone. I said, “ARE YOU F**KING KIDDING ME!??” He goes, “What, what happened??” I said, “Too bad, I’m not going back.” I went on facebook after that and (I don’t know WHY it does this) my newsfeed is covered with “FI likes this”/”FI commended on this photo” all pics of these fitness women! One of them was of this jacked up girl, topless, covering her chest with her arms. I mean…what!??
I’m not sure HOW I feel about this, definitely not warm and fuzzy, though! Just out of curiosity, how would this behavior make you feel?
Post # 2
BurlapnLace: DH and I are both into fitness and like multiple fitness pages/people… however, I would also find this behavior somewhat alarming and excessive. Have you tried talking to him about it and how it bothers you? Have you read any of his comments on those pictures? Maybe you can come to an agreement on phone use? DH and I agreed that phones are not allowed in bed and during certain other times. Hope you can figure something out!
Post # 3
MrsTillerResq: I know him well enough and about his fitness journey that it really is a matter of respect for what these women do rather than getting off on it, so it’s more his sudden social media addiction than being jealous. What bothers me the MOST is whatever I send him or tag him in, he doesn’t respond to or says, “Oh, I didn’t see that”. Really??!
It’s tough with the phone b/c he has to be in constant touch for his job so he can’t just put it away. I’ll bring it up to him eventually 🙂 IT’S JUST PLAIN OBNOXIOUS!!!
Post # 4
I wouldn’t be feeling warm and fuzzy, either. Tell him he’s spending too much time on his devices.
Post # 5
- Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA
There are two issues here:
1) He’s on his phone all the time
2) There are women on his facebook.
The latter you’re going to have to sort out yourself. Men are visual creatures; he’s always going to look. Asking him not to would be controlling and manipulative of you. You can, however, limit the phone use – ask him to keep it plugged in when you’re spending time together, for instance. Offer to do the same with your phone. My guy and I had to negotiate this because he constantly checks sports stuff on his phone and it’s really distracting when we’re watching a movie or cuddling. So approach this from a mature, non-emotional-kneejerk place and address the *real* problem (overuse of phone) without making it all about your insecurities (women who are beautiful exist and your BF sees them.) Remember, he chose YOU out of all the others. That should be enough.
Post # 6
BurlapnLace: Here’s an idea…. Go gather a whole bunch of these photos from the pages he likes. Post them all one after another to his facebook page. Just sit there and post them all. when he finaly asks you “wtf burlap? what’s with all the posts?” just say “oh I was just getting it all out of the way. I figured if I just put it all there on your page it will save you some time so you can actually spend time with your fiance instead of liking 20324802984392 pages and photos of fitness women on facebook. I was really only trying to be helpful”. lol that’s what I would do. But this all depends on your relationship. …Im kidding… kind of lol 🙂
In all seriousness… Just becuase your FI finds these women attractive or admires their bodies (probably more for the work he knows went into them than just being plain sexually attracted) doesn’t mean he somehow finds you less attractive. I would focus more on how much time he is spending on social media. Tell him it’s starting to take away from your relationship and that it’s becoming a problem. I sometimes get too involved with facebook and twitter and don’t even realize it. Sometimes just a little nudge makes me realize how ridiculous im being. Just be honest 🙂
Post # 7
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
Ask him how he would feel if you “liked” a photo of a naked guy with his hand over his member. Or maybe print them out and plaster your bedroom with them and see how he reacts. Then tell him you though you were just making it easier for him to enjoy all of the images that he likes, so maybe now he can interact with you instead of his phone.
Post # 8
What bothers me is that his “obsession” with following these people on FB is taking away time and attention from you. Unacceptable. He needs to reprioritize what and who is important to him and act accordingly.
Post # 9
- Wedding: September 2014 - SPRING VALLEY COUNTRY CLUB
My FI and I are both social media users. We both have FB,Instagram, twitter. We aren’t even following one another on any of these sites.
I feel like if you let it. Social Media can ruin your relationship. I trust him, and he trust me. If i ever wanted to see anything he’d show me and vise versa.
There are always going to be women whom admire looking at your man and women he like visually. That’s part of life. You can’t control that. What you can control is your reation to it. Just cuz he’s on his phone a lot, doesn’t mean he’s doing something he shouldn’t be.
I can understand you not wanting him to focus on the phone when you’re having alone time or on a date or something.
Post # 10
Lots of good ideas, here!! I particularly like the one of posting them all to his page at once and tell him to “get it out of the way” lol.
At no point did I imply he was doing something he shouldn’t be, it just takes away from OUR time whether he’s looking at a naked woman or a recipe for paleo chicken parm.
Facebook (and this site) are about as much as I can stomach in my daily life!!
Post # 11
I’d ask him what gives…why the newfound obsession/addiction? Talk to him about the why he all of a sudden can’t keep his hands off his phone…it’s not work related so it’s recreational. Tell him it makes you feel like he no longer enjoys your company and conversation.
I would definitely have a problem with it.
Post # 12
BurlapnLace: Well if you’re curious about how this behavior would make me feel, I don’t think I would care this much. Men are visual beings. He is enjoying something he sees. It’s his rated PG porn. *shrugs*
However, I would have an issue if my husband showed less interest in me intimately, emotionally, and physically. That would bother me.
Post # 13
TaurianDoll: Hm, I’m not sure it’s gotten THAT bad, but he’s definitely preoccupied. Nipping it in the bud!
Post # 14
BurlapnLace: Yes, I think I wouldn’t be happy about that. It’s one thing to publicly admire an athlete and another to cover your Facebook page with what amounts to fitness porn.
I get what you mean about the clothes. Every now and again I’ve run across body builders in public and it can be the dead of winter and they’re running around in a tank top to show off the guns. It looks a little ridiculous and attention seeking.
Post # 15
In my opinion, Facebook and other forms of social media are just bad news for relationships. I’m just thinking of the posts I’ve read on WB that start with “we got back in touch through Facebook.” Sorry, but liking photos of almost naked women is completely disrespectful to you, not to mention he can’t tear himself away from his phone long enough to be present in your relationship!