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It's who she is. I'd just try to accept it, but I do understand your shock and dismay!
I understand your hesitation. But, she is your friend and her tattoos are probably her way of expressing herself. You have to decide what is more important to you, your friend or her arm tattoo? If she has been there for you and is a good friend I would keep her in your wedding because you may end up hurting her feelings.
im not a fan of tatts (but each to their own right) so if it really upsets you i think you have the right to explore your feelings on this.
as your wedding is only in May then i think she could have at least waited until after the wedding as something as you described would have taken alot of hours & planning to do or at the very least, warned you about it before she started the artwork
can she wear something to cover it? what about makeup to cover it?
What I discussed with my MOH is to have the girls were shawls for the ceremony and then have them take them off for the reception and pictures. My BM did say to me I will just hide my arm in all the picutres or get it airbrushed. She knows that I was shocked to see it.
I just didn't see cover ups on my BM's the day of the wedding. I envisioned nice strapless dresses with no shawl. I hate feeling this way.
I understand that you are taken aback, but she's your friend! It may not be *your* taste or vision, but it's obviously something she wanted. Is it cool looking?
No, I don't think she should have had to discuss it with you. That's a little too controlling I think. I'm sure you would have appreciated a heads up, but still. She doesn't have to run her inks and piercings and hair cuts by you.
While I'm sure most people would be a little shocked at first, in the big scheme of things, is your friend's big dark tattoo really a deal breaker? it's just not that important in the overall wedding OR your friendship
I agree with you and don't like it at all. It sounds like she has a "sleeve" as they call it when the whole arm is tattooed. I think it was kinda rude or selfish of her to do something like that when she agreed to be in your wedding. Of course its her choice to do whatever to her own body but at the same time she couldve waited until after the wedding to do something so drastic. Ask her if she would consider using a cover kit just for the day to cover up all the tattoos.
Thanks for all the replies. I can say that her tattoos are not a deal breaker. This is why I say I hate feeling this way. She had mentioned before having her background done that she would air brush it to cover it (which when done well looks good) but it can be costly.
I think I should discuss it with her and share alternative ways for her to and my BM's to cover up for the ceremony.
I'll keep you posted on how that goes.
I think that if she's totally ok with covering it up FOR YOU, that is one awesome and understanding friend and it sounds like you guys can easily have that conversation and it all go down well.
Hmm... tattoos are extremely personal and I don't think she should have discussed it with you or specifically waited until after your wedding to do it just for your pictures. We brides have to remember that it's only the *day* that revolves around us, not everyone else's lives.
That said, I totally see why you're flummoxed. I'm sure it's not how you expected your bridal party to end up looking, and when you spend so much on pictures, I'm sure it's disappointing! Let her try the cover-up, and hopefully if it's not completely effective, Photoshop can supply the rest of the necessary effect. :)
I'm sorry if my opinion that follows upsets anyone, but I really have to say it.
I have eight tattoos, including one sleeve tattoo. I think it is EXTREMELY wrong to get upset with a bridesmaid for having or getting tattoos. A bridesmaid's life does not revolve around your wedding, and to suggest that she should have waited until after it is a bit selfish. I just don't understand brides who get mad at their maids for having their own individual personality because it might "ruin" their pictures.
If you want this girl to be in your wedding, and you consider her to be a good friend of yours, then you should let her stay in the wedding. If you'd rather kick her out of the bridal party than have your pictures "ruined", then she must not mean that much to you. I know that if someone asked me to be their bridesmaid but asked me to cover up my tattoo, I'd tell them I'd rather just not be in their wedding. Asking someone to cover up their tattoos is a sign that you don't accept that person for who they are.
Again, I'm very sorry if this comes across as opinionated or upsetting, but it just really upsets me when brides get mad at their bridesmaids for not waiting until after their wedding to get a tattoo...
DarlingNikki586 I'm right there with you.
I don't understand what it is with brides (I have my own moments too) that make people think that everyone else's lives need to revolve around their wedding. I have a friend who got super mad that one of her BMs got pregnant a few months before her wedding.
Are you kidding me? Life goes on. A wedding is just one day.
I have a few tattoos too and if someone asked me to cover them I would tell them that I'd rather not be a part of their bridal party. Love me for who I am -ink and all.
It sounds like you're embarrassed by your friend and that seems pretty terrible to me.
I would feel the same way you do, dont feel bad for thinking it. But like most people said, she is your friend and at least she has offered to have it airbrushed which is very considerate of her. If she is willing to pay for it to be done, let her. Either way, dont ruin a friendship over the tattoo.
Aw man, I have the same problem only not so extreme. My bridesmaid got a gross scorpion tattoo on her arm. I asked on here if I can ask her to cover it and there were mixed reviews. Some people said it was bridezilla-ish others said if it really bothers me I should say something.
Ultimately, I say, if you care about your friendship, I'd ask her if she didn't mind covering for the formal pictures. Becareful though, you don't want to hurt her feelings if you want to keep her as a friend.
I understand your opinion but it is her body and the only one who really cares about your wedding is YOU!
I think it is AMAZING that she is willing to cover up or airbrush her arm for your wedding - she is ONE AMAZING FRIEND!!!! Don't lose her!!!!!!!!!!!
My sister is one of my bridesmaids and she has a full sleeve of TERRIBLY done tattoos. My MOH has quite a few that are visible too, but hers are tasteful and done by a great artist. My sister had her husband, who's learning, tattoo her sleeve and all down her leg. They're so bad : \
That said, I wouldn't ask her to cover them because they're a part of her. But I do understand where you're coming from. I talked to her on the phone the other night and she was getting ready to go under the needle again. I was all, "You're getting another one?"
If it really bothers you, and you know it won't hurt her feelings, go ahead and ask her to try to cover them. I know Kat Von D has a tattoo concealer from her new line of makeup available at Sephora. I'm not sure how well it'd cover a black background, but it's worth a shot?
Jennarationext,
Thanks for your comment. She did offer to cover it up with airbrusing and concealer. As I stated before, it's not a make or break because she has had the other ones for a while. It was the black backgrown that threw me off.
I guess since it's not my style I'm not comfortable with it. She is completly willing to cover them up. I even offered to help her pay for the cover up since I'm the one having the issue. 
Darlingnikki: I totally agree with you.
One of my BM keeps adding and adding more tats to her arm, and while I don't really like them, I LOVE her and wouldn't ever think of asking her to change what is, essentially, herself for my wedding. Just let it go. Don't sweat the stuff you can't change!!
DarlingKiki and Noelle-a-Belle,
First of all thanks for responding. Secondly, I feel the need to clarify something: I asked her to my BM as soon as I began telling friends. In no way am I not accepting her. She has had them for years and I didn't hesitate. My reason for posting was because after this, she had her arm colored in in Black and Grey.
For those that think that I'm afraid of "ruined" pictures, that is not the case. I was expressing how shocked I was. She is a good friend and I care for her. I am not asking that she not be my BM. Besides, when we went dress shopping she offered to cover them. I never mentioned it.
Sorry, just had to get that out. I am taken back but not nixing her from our celebration.
I guess the part where you said "Am I being awful by saying I kinda wanna change my mind? I would never want to hurt her feelings as she is a good friend and we have been there for each other, but I can't see past the black arm! Should she have discussed it with me?" made it sound like you were considering dropping her from your wedding party because of the new tattoo.
My point was, she is someone you obviously love and care for, or else you would not have chosen her for a BM. And therefore, you should accept that she may get more tattoos before your wedding. Her life does not cease being hers and become consumed by your wedding, therefore, she should not hesitate to get a tattoo that she had probably been planning on getting for a while, just because your wedding is in 9 months. And, as someone who has tattoos, I can tell you, nine months is a long time to wait, especially if it was just to complete a tatoo, which is what it sounds like she did to me.
I don't think you are awful for feeling that way. I just meant that you should remember why you love her in the first place, and accept that people may change their appearances before your wedding. You can't expect to control people and micromanage your wedding; it will drive you crazy.
In the scope of all that is important, this is not an end of the world thing. I never expect people's world to stop for me, but at this point and time planning this wedding has consumed my world. I want to have everything done with little or no surprises. However, as much of a control freak that I am, some things just are what they are.
It's nice to get other's perspective and comments, it keeps me grounded.
Thanks all for sharing.
IF you're worried about that particlar tattoo, why don't you have her where it faces away from the camera in the pictures? You could always stagar the BM's, too so it's not as obvious. Just an idea.
I'm a tattoo girl and I'd be offended if I was univited by a friend because of my tattoos. That being said, every wedding I have been in, I have offered to cover them up and every time the bride, my friend, said absolutely not, its who you are.
The fact that she even offered to have it airbrushed and covered up shows that she is a good friend - exactly the type of friend you want as a BM. If she is truely okay with covering it up, I would suggest helping to pay for it. If it's a just a church-issue you could always find a cute cardigan or something for her to wear during the ceremony only.
What a great girlfriend offering to cover it up for your big day! Starburst had an excellent suggestion about you offering to help pay for the airbrushing!
I have a tattoo (only on my foot, so no biggie) but I too would be offended if I wanted to express myself and felt like I was being punished for it. To me, if she's that good of a friend, then you should be able to look past the tattoos.
Ouch. I feel like there should be a poll on this. My feelings are similar to a few others (DarlingNikki586, Miss SoonToBe, PrettyKitty, etc.). While I see that this is a touchy subject, I would never in a million years even think for one second about asking someone who I felt close enough to ask to be IN my wedding, not to be over a tattoo. I don't care how big it is. I don't care if they tattoo their whole body blue. If I love a person, I accept them for who they are. They clearly accept and love you too if they agree to support you on this major journey in your life. And I say journey because they will be jumping through hoops and spending tons of money for you over the next year – to celebrate your choice to get married. This is why people should only ask the most important people in their life to be in their wedding party, and not ask extra "fillers" just to balance out a harmonious number. And if one opts out, brides choose a ‘backup bridesmaid’? What is that? But I digress. I’m very sorry to repeat this, but the universe does not revolve around your wedding. And no, people shouldn't have to get your approval if they want to do something to their own body. If it matters soooo much to you, then ok I agree that choosing a wrap for them to wear would be an option. But really, is their tattoo going to ruin your day? Really? Come on. If it is, then there are much bigger problems. I hope you can remember why you asked her to begin with and not let the tattoo cause you to forget those reasons.
I have a bridemaid with tats all over also. When we where trying on dresses she just asked me and I told her i didn't have a problem with tats i just know my family would freak out and she said ok I will cover them and there where no hard feelings. I was going to have this girl in my wedidng tats or not she is just that good of a friend and coudn't imagine my wedding party without her in it. Try tat cover up from sephora that kat von d made.
Wow a lot of good opinions. I hear Kat Von D has as tattoo concelar since she offered. It's at Sephora it comes in different shades for $25. I saw Kat Von D on LA Ink when she covered all her tattos up and she has a pretty amazing figure uderneath all of them. I definitely think you should keep your friend in the wedding. I have old school Mexican family members and I know they probably wouldn't like it but you will just have to remind everyone you can't judge a book by it's cover. Mucho suerte!!
Hmm..this is a touchy subject. I don't think it's anyone's place to ask someone to cover up something that is a part of them, even if it is for a wedding.
I absolutely hate tattoos, but I would never ask my friend to cover hers up...I would be very offended if someone asked me to change something about myself for her wedding.
I definitely understand your shock, but I think she should be able to do whatever she prefers, whether that be keep it there or airbrush it for the day
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So, I have a BM that has tattoos. I've known this for a while. They are tasteful 1950's vintage like tattoos of random "girl" items (a phone, lipstick etc.). I asked her to be my BM without hesistation, but now she went and had her hole entire arm (wrist to shoulder) done in black background!
I don't like it at all. I haven't said a thing but my Fiance and I have discussed it. Am I being awful by saying I kinda wanna change my mind? I would never want to hurt her feelings as she is a good friend and we have been there for each other, but I can't see past the black arm! Should she have discussed it with me?
I asked MOH and she said, she would feel the same way. Any suggestions?