Post # 1
So, I have a BM that has tattoos. I’ve known this for a while. They are tasteful 1950’s vintage like tattoos of random “girl” items (a phone, lipstick etc.). I asked her to be my BM without hesistation, but now she went and had her hole entire arm (wrist to shoulder) done in black background!
I don’t like it at all. I haven’t said a thing but my Fiance and I have discussed it. Am I being awful by saying I kinda wanna change my mind? I would never want to hurt her feelings as she is a good friend and we have been there for each other, but I can’t see past the black arm! Should she have discussed it with me?
I asked MOH and she said, she would feel the same way. Any suggestions?
Post # 3
It’s who she is. I’d just try to accept it, but I do understand your shock and dismay!
Post # 4
I understand your hesitation. But, she is your friend and her tattoos are probably her way of expressing herself. You have to decide what is more important to you, your friend or her arm tattoo? If she has been there for you and is a good friend I would keep her in your wedding because you may end up hurting her feelings.
Post # 5
im not a fan of tatts (but each to their own right) so if it really upsets you i think you have the right to explore your feelings on this.
as your wedding is only in May then i think she could have at least waited until after the wedding as something as you described would have taken alot of hours & planning to do or at the very least, warned you about it before she started the artwork
can she wear something to cover it? what about makeup to cover it?
Post # 6
What I discussed with my MOH is to have the girls were shawls for the ceremony and then have them take them off for the reception and pictures. My BM did say to me I will just hide my arm in all the picutres or get it airbrushed. She knows that I was shocked to see it.
I just didn’t see cover ups on my BM’s the day of the wedding. I envisioned nice strapless dresses with no shawl. I hate feeling this way.
Post # 7
I understand that you are taken aback, but she’s your friend! It may not be *your* taste or vision, but it’s obviously something she wanted. Is it cool looking?
No, I don’t think she should have had to discuss it with you. That’s a little too controlling I think. I’m sure you would have appreciated a heads up, but still. She doesn’t have to run her inks and piercings and hair cuts by you.
While I’m sure most people would be a little shocked at first, in the big scheme of things, is your friend’s big dark tattoo really a deal breaker? it’s just not that important in the overall wedding OR your friendship
Post # 8
I agree with you and don’t like it at all. It sounds like she has a “sleeve” as they call it when the whole arm is tattooed. I think it was kinda rude or selfish of her to do something like that when she agreed to be in your wedding. Of course its her choice to do whatever to her own body but at the same time she couldve waited until after the wedding to do something so drastic. Ask her if she would consider using a cover kit just for the day to cover up all the tattoos.
Post # 9
Thanks for all the replies. I can say that her tattoos are not a deal breaker. This is why I say I hate feeling this way. She had mentioned before having her background done that she would air brush it to cover it (which when done well looks good) but it can be costly.
I think I should discuss it with her and share alternative ways for her to and my BM’s to cover up for the ceremony.
I’ll keep you posted on how that goes.
Post # 10
I think that if she’s totally ok with covering it up FOR YOU, that is one awesome and understanding friend and it sounds like you guys can easily have that conversation and it all go down well.
Post # 11
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
Hmm… tattoos are extremely personal and I don’t think she should have discussed it with you or specifically waited until after your wedding to do it just for your pictures. We brides have to remember that it’s only the *day* that revolves around us, not everyone else’s lives.
That said, I totally see why you’re flummoxed. I’m sure it’s not how you expected your bridal party to end up looking, and when you spend so much on pictures, I’m sure it’s disappointing! Let her try the cover-up, and hopefully if it’s not completely effective, Photoshop can supply the rest of the necessary effect. 🙂
Post # 12
I’m sorry if my opinion that follows upsets anyone, but I really have to say it.
I have eight tattoos, including one sleeve tattoo. I think it is EXTREMELY wrong to get upset with a bridesmaid for having or getting tattoos. A bridesmaid’s life does not revolve around your wedding, and to suggest that she should have waited until after it is a bit selfish. I just don’t understand brides who get mad at their maids for having their own individual personality because it might “ruin” their pictures.
If you want this girl to be in your wedding, and you consider her to be a good friend of yours, then you should let her stay in the wedding. If you’d rather kick her out of the bridal party than have your pictures “ruined”, then she must not mean that much to you. I know that if someone asked me to be their bridesmaid but asked me to cover up my tattoo, I’d tell them I’d rather just not be in their wedding. Asking someone to cover up their tattoos is a sign that you don’t accept that person for who they are.
Again, I’m very sorry if this comes across as opinionated or upsetting, but it just really upsets me when brides get mad at their bridesmaids for not waiting until after their wedding to get a tattoo…
Post # 13
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
@DarlingNikki586, I agree with you completely. No hate here!
Post # 14
DarlingNikki586 I’m right there with you.
I don’t understand what it is with brides (I have my own moments too) that make people think that everyone else’s lives need to revolve around their wedding. I have a friend who got super mad that one of her BMs got pregnant a few months before her wedding.
Are you kidding me? Life goes on. A wedding is just one day.
I have a few tattoos too and if someone asked me to cover them I would tell them that I’d rather not be a part of their bridal party. Love me for who I am -ink and all.
It sounds like you’re embarrassed by your friend and that seems pretty terrible to me.
Post # 15
I would feel the same way you do, dont feel bad for thinking it. But like most people said, she is your friend and at least she has offered to have it airbrushed which is very considerate of her. If she is willing to pay for it to be done, let her. Either way, dont ruin a friendship over the tattoo.
Post # 16
Aw man, I have the same problem only not so extreme. My bridesmaid got a gross scorpion tattoo on her arm. I asked on here if I can ask her to cover it and there were mixed reviews. Some people said it was bridezilla-ish others said if it really bothers me I should say something.
Ultimately, I say, if you care about your friendship, I’d ask her if she didn’t mind covering for the formal pictures. Becareful though, you don’t want to hurt her feelings if you want to keep her as a friend.