Post # 1
This weekend, I threw a HUGE holiday party for me and my SO’s family. For weeks I had been planning and planning to make sure this event was a success. My mother and SO’s mother had dropped little hints here and there over the last couple of months that he was going to propose.
Over the course of the evening, a little part of me kept waiting for it to happen. But, I was busying myself to keep from going nuts. At midnight, my boyfriend’s mother and grandmother requested their coats — they were going home. The rest of the night I was so sad. My family members were joking and laughing and enjoying the party, but I felt sad and kept telling people I was just tired –planning an event for close 30 the people (some who flew in from as far as San Francisco) had in fact taken a lot out of me.
Yesterday, I was pretty withdrawn and did not feel like being around him (we live togther). I was soooo fed up and annoyed. All this planning and anticipation felt incredibly anticlimactic.
Today, at work, I called my mother and confessed that I was sad that he didn’t propose at the holiday party. I explained that there was this little glimmer of hope of that he was going to do it (especially considering all of the hints that were unintentionally dropped). My mother told me she was shocked and disappointed too because she was SURE he was going to do it and was waiting the whole night. She told me his mother and grandmother thought he was going to do it and they were shocked too.
What happened?? My mother called his mom after my call with her today (they are very close) to share that I was upset. His mom called me soon after to tell me she loved me and to “hold on”, and that she was “sure he’ll do it”. I calmly told her that I love her too, but that it has been five years and I have been really patient and that I was just tired of the anticipation and let down.
I’m so over it now. If there was a perfect moment…that was it.
Post # 3
Maybe he wants to give you your perfect moment and that wasn’t it. Maybe he wants it in a more intimate setting. He may have been ready to do it and had anxiety because of all the people. I know my FI has large group issues. Give it time. Your special moment is coming.
Post # 5
I think it’s really good his mom is on board. Things that sound like nagging and ultimatums coming from the GF can sound perfectly sensible coming from the mom. Sometimes moms can light a little fire under them when they need it. 😀
Post # 6
So sorry! I know the wait sucks a lot but I promise that the second it happens it will be so worth and you won’t even remember the wait being as awful as you feel right now.
Post # 7
Definitely give it time. I’m sorry you’re feeling disappointed, but it is clear that you and your BF are very serious and close with each other’s families. It will happen. It may happen tonight, or next week, or next month, but it’s coming. He may have some other vision for your engagement.
And keep in mind that the hints are not always clear; I would have put money on the fact that my DH was going to propose last Christmas (so many hints), and instead of a little square box, I got a stripper pole. Yeah. Now, my proposal came two months later and it was bigger and better than anything I could have imagined. Did I have a moment at Christmas time that was less than pretty? Yes, but I wish I hadn’t because I knew he loved me and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me and I should have had faith in that.
Post # 8
Just try to have comfort in knowing that the parents know it’s coming so Im sure he’s told them something! It will be soon! Try hard not to be upset, I know its hard. Hugs
Post # 9
I know it sounds impossible…but try not to focus on it too much. It reminds me of the silly idiom of “a boiled pot doesn’t boil.” Of course it technically does, but the sentiment is true. Let him surprise you, don’t look for all the signs and let yourself get swept up in it when it happens. Don’t push too hard, it can massively backfire. Deep breaths, go for a run. It’s what I do when the voices in my head get too loud. Hugs!
Post # 10
Maybe he didnt’ want to propose in front of your families. I wouldn’t have wanted FI to ask me in front of either of our families. Orrrr maybe he’s waiting to Christmas or New Years. Hang in there! 🙂
Post # 11
This just hurts a lot. I’m trying not to think about it, but it just feels like such a let down. I feel like he’s thinking more about HIS proposal and perfect moment and less about how I feel waiting, and waiting, and waiting, and waiting. Everyone, and I do mean everyone, agrees that I have been waiting a long ass time.
He asked me what was wrong because he could sense I was a bit distant, and I just told him I was so tired from the huge event. I just KNOW he probably knows why I’m a bit down, so why even ask?
FYI: I haven’t mentioned the engagement in forever, because I used to get upset and nag. Now, I just don’t bring it up so I certainly wasn’t going to mention my disappointment yesterday.
Post # 12
I completely understand. Just went on a super romantic trip with the boyfriend that seemed like an ideal opportunity and…nada. Oh, waiting.
I like to think that they do really have some kind of sweet, personal proposal in the works.
Post # 13
@Beeyoutifully Me: Yes, you’ve been waiting a long-ass time.
“He asked me what was wrong because he could sense I was a bit distant, and I just told him I was so tired from the huge event. I just KNOW he probably knows why I’m a bit down, so why even ask?”
Men won’t ask questions to things they know the answers to. Now he probably thinks that “Oh, Beeyoutiful is just tired,” even if he suspects something else. Would it really have been so much to say, “I was anticipating us getting engaged last night and am disappointed it didn’t happen.”?
If his family is on board and your family is on board I think all you need to do is wait some more for your fellow.
Post # 14
@Beeyoutifully Me: “This just hurts a lot. I’m trying not to think about it, but it just feels like such a let down. I feel like he’s thinking more about HIS proposal and perfect moment and less about how I feel waiting, and waiting, and waiting, and waiting…”
Well you have to look at it from his side too— it’s his proposal too, not just yours, and chances are, your ring is one of the two or three most expensive things he’s bought in his entire life, maybe even THE most expensive thing. You have to let him have his say in how it’s going to be done, or you have to cough up some money too, and agree together on how it’s going to go down. But don’t overlook that HE is getting engaged too, and it is perfectly acceptable for him to want to do it HIS way, on HIS timing.
Post # 15
@fishbone: Thanks for the input, fishbone. I did help pay for the ring as we share accounts. Several months have passed since it was purchased — hence, my annoyance and frustration.
Post # 16
*hug* he better have something good up his sleeve