Post # 1
Last week my 20 year old cousin got engaged. I’m sooo happy for her, but ack… it just makes me feel bummed out. Here’s what made it worse….
When I told my SO I thought she was a little too young he disagreed with me!! Now, I understand everyone’s relationship is different and I know that she is a mature young woman, but they are both juniors in college and I just said that it would have made more sense if they waited until they graduated.
His response? “I don’t see anything wrong with getting engaged while you are still in school. I would have done something like that if it felt right.”
Seriously. W. T. F. I almost started crying like right there. And then he said he didn’t understand why I was upset about that comment! If he really thinks that.. then what the hell are we waiting for?? I almost wanted to say to him, well why didn’t you?! By the time I graduated from school we had been together for 3 years! Now we are creeping up on 5 years and I’m still waiting. We are both done with school, both working full time and we have an apartment together. He tells me he wants to marry me but then whenever I try to talk about getting married he just says it’s not the right time… but he doesnt elaborate or tell me why it’s not the right time. To me… it’s the perfect time! Am I missing something?!
I am so ready to move forward with my life. I am so ready to marry this dude that I would seriously drag our butts down to the courthouse tomorrow and forget about planning a fancy pants wedding (even though I’m dyingggg to do that 😉 😉 ). I fear bringing it up again because it always ends in an argument.
Then I think… this isn’t how it’s suppose to be. We are suppose to be in this together. I shouldn’t be sitting here wondering why he won’t commit. Shouldn’t he be just as excited to start our lives together as I am? Ah, please tell me if I’m crazy…… either way I think I was due for another waiting rant… It’s been a while since I’ve had one! 😉
Post # 3
I think that was a cruel comment. I think he is pretty clearly telling you that he does not want to get married although there is no good reason – he just doesn’t feel like it. And he is going to take his own sweet time and propose when he wants to. It might be next year, it might be in 3 years, it might be never. Honestly, his comment makes it sounds like he’s not sure you’re the woman he wants to marry.
Bringing up the issue isn’t going to make him propose sooner – as you’ve experienced, he just brushes off your concerns and moves on with life. Are you going to be happy waiting around for him to decide he’s “ready” (if he ever does)? If not, maybe it’s time to move out to show him you’re not going to wait forever.
And, yes, he should be excited to marry you and start your lives together. If he isn’t, maybe it’s time to go find someone who is.
Post # 4
Aww Im sorry Krissy, that really is frustrating to hear. IMO,there really is no “perfect” time to get engaged, there will always be something that pops up unexpectedly. Sounds like Girlwitharing is giving some sound advice, he sounds super confusing and it might just be that he isnt sure about you or the relationship. Im going on 5 years too so I know that sounds insane but who knows it might be how he feels. Maybe stay at a friends house for a week or so and see what happens? It might really affect him and snap him out of whatever he is going through…doesnt hurt to try right?
Good luck <3
Post # 5
I have to agree with girlwitharing. It IS a cruel comment. I hope everything works out for you!
Post # 6
Awww you poor thing! That comment would have upset me too! I feel your pain – my boy refuses to discuss timelines or any of that anymore – beyond “when it feels right”. Its frustrating but the main thing is to remember to focus on yourself and what makes you happy – spend some more time with your friends, find hobbies outside of him and make yourself happy. Good luck!
Post # 7
Wow that was so insensitive of him! ):<
I am sorry to be negative but I agree with the other comments…it doesn’t seem a proposal is a priority for him at all. After 5 years he should have all the info needed to be sure whether he wants to spend the rest of his life with you…and there are no other excuses, no school, no money trouble…
I would say have a final conversation about what your goals and priorities are as a couple, be firm and calm, and if he still brushes you off decide whether you are OK with letting him basically put you on hold or if you want to leave and look for someone that embraces you fully and enthusiastically.
My vote is for the latter! (: Seriously though, taking a break with no communication might bring this issue into focus. If he misses you and wants to get back together he will realize you are serious. If he does not, well, it’s better to finally figure it out rather then staying together because you are used to it.
Post # 8
Aw, I’m sorry, that was totally uncalled for. I would seriously consider taking a break as well because you’re right, that’s not how it’s supposed to be. That was cruel.
As for the twenty year old engagement… I think it’s obvious how I feel about that since I’m 20 and engaged. I think some people forget young couples can have been together for a very long time and be just as dedicated to each other as our older counterparts. It does hurt to hear those comments, but I respect that everyone has a different opinion.
Post # 9
ugh. it seems odd that he wouldn’t realize that you would take something more from it that just the surface level. I know you said you have tried talking about it but this subject may be a good segway into bringing it up again? It’s important for him to know how you feel and also for you to feel like you’re on the same page. Best of luck!
Post # 10
As always, thank you for the encouragement and words of advice. After speaking with some friends of mine as well as reading these responses, I think my best course of action is to just move out for a bit and give myself some space. It’s something I had been thinking about doing for quite some time now and even though the decision is heart breaking to me, I don’t really see any other option. I love him very much, but marriage is important to me. I have known that he could be the one I could marry and settle down with for almost 2 years now and for him to not feel the same way about me makes me feel bad about myself and our relationship.
@lilyfaith I understand that everyone’s relationships are different and I totally didn’t mean to offend you with my comment… I’ve actually had people tell ME that I’m too young to be worrying about marriage and why am I rushing into it? I just know my cousin and from knowing her personally I just thought it would have been better for HER to wait a bit — I would never say that someone is too young or too old to get married just because they are 18 or 20 or 67. Sorry if that came out wrong!
Thanks again for all your kind words…. this forum has always been such a great place for me to vent vent vent….. but I will probably be on here much less than I used to be in order to keep myself sane. When I first started here I was sure that a proposal was coming very soon and I was even starting to collect some ideas for our wedding. Wellll that was back in November and sadly not much has changed since then. I do hope to be back again soon though and I’ll keep everyone updated. 🙂
Post # 11
Stay strong Krissy! I think you are doing the right thing..hope everything works itself out soon!
Post # 12
Good luck Krissy! I think you are making a good choice, all the best!
Post # 13
I understand. 🙂 Good luck with your situation, I think you’ve made the right choice at this point. Trust yourself and good luck!
Post # 14
Good luck with everything! have you tried Mr. Bee’s three step engagement plan?
Post # 15
Be strong Krissy and I think moving out is 180 percent the correct decision! Go out and look at some good empowerment books…remember you are the most important thing. Good luck!