Post # 1
I ran into a distant relative of mine. It was my mom’s cousin, but our family happens to be close to that branch of the family. Anyways, her cousin has a daughter who is my age. She’s been with her SO for….3-4 years. She is really nice, we get along well. Anyways, when she found out that I was engaged and planning a June 2012 wedding, she was a little bummed, because she wanted a June 2012 wedding. Now, granted, the girl and her SO aren’t engaged yet, so this is just some planning. We have our date set, we have been together longer, we got engaged first, so we won’t be adjusting. We had this planned before we even heard of her idea.
It made me wonder, is there any type of planning-date etiquette that people should abide by? Obviously, not the same weekend. I’m not expecting her to change her month or anything. Assuming that they would be going on a honeymoon right after their wedding, I’d like for there to be a 2-3 week cushion, only so we could each attend each other’s weddings. I know that when my FI and I were talking about getting engaged, we decided to wait until after his brother and FSIL’s wedding, just so we wouldn’t steal their thunder (plus, it would have been a 2+ year engagement for us, which for me was a little too long). I also know that’s different, with it being a sibling versus a second cousin.
I’m just curious to hear everyone’s thoughts on it :-).
Post # 3
I don’t know the formal etiquitte, but I wouldn’t change a thing. You are engaged and set you wedding date. Your distant cousin and you could have worked something out if you were both engaged and trying to pick days about the same time, but since you got engaged first, her wanting June too is sort of moot.
I hope that the relative who mentioned this to you wasnt trying to get you change your day or guilt you in any way. If so, THAT would be poor etiquitte.
Post # 4
I think technical etiquette says you get one day to have your wedding, and they could have theirs the next day if they wanted. When my best friends got engaged, all I asked of her was to give me a week to get back from the honeymoon :). Since your family is close, a couple week gap should be fine, especially if no one has to travel for it.
Post # 5
Well, considering that she’s not even engaged yet, I don’t think she should even be considering dates. You are engaged, your wedding is planned…there’s nothing for you to worry about but going forward with your plans. You can’t live your life trying to please everyone.
Post # 6
You get a day and there is no etiquette around someone choosing another date around that time. Her plans may change if and when she becomes engaged.
Post # 7
Thanks everyone! I was just honestly curious. These questions always pop in my head! When this relative gets engaged, I am definitely not suggesting that she schedules around ours. I was only hoping for two weeks so that the one who got married first could attend the wedding of the other :-). Some would have to travel for it, but it would be people who are her first cousins, aunts, and uncles, whereas they would be my mom’s cousins. Rightfully so, they should go to her wedding first, not mine, since they are closer, and I would completely understand (that would be only one family, though). It would be a lot of traveling for one weekend!