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I just read a response to another post in where someone said that their fiance was best man at his brother's wedding and she was "only" a guest. My question is, if your SO in particular FI or Husband is in a wedding of an immediate family member, do you fee like you should be a part of it as well?
My sister and FI's brother are our MOH and BM. Their husband and wife are not in the wedding party. We have nothing against them, but we are not exactly close to them either. Are we wrong for this?
My FI was Best Man in his brother's wedding back when I was only his girlfriend. Even if I had been his FI, I don't see why I would have needed to have been in the wedding.
I voted other! For our wedding party we included our siblings - my brother, and FI's 2 sisters and brother.
I knew from the start I wanted to include my sister in law. And FI knew he wanted to include his brother in law.
That left one 'sibling' who was left out - his brother's long term, live in girlfriend. We decided to include her because even though we aren't super close we did not want her to feel left out and really felt like 'the more the merrier'.
In your situation, I don't think you have to include the in-laws - our case was just we were including all other SO's so we didn't want to create hurt feelings by leaving 1 person out.
At my FI's sister's wedding this past January, she decided not to include her brothers as groomsmen (just ushers). My FI was ok with it, but the other brother was a little miffed. She made me and the other girlfriend Program Attendants. It was nice of her to include us, but it really seemed like they were just making up jobs for us to do. My FI and I would have been fine to just be guests at their wedding, but oh well!
No, I don't think this is generally the case. But for me personally, I'm close to my FSILs and if one of them gets married someday I'd be a little hurt if I wasn't included. It's kind of case-by-case. You don't sound wrong to me at all - I think the personal relationship you have is the most important factor!
I would never expect to be honored in such a high way as being in someones wedding ... just because fiance is!
It's like fiance having his brother as Best Man ... but I'm not having his (best mans) wife standing ... that would be weird for me.
I wouldn't be upset about it, especially if I wasn't close to the person. But that is just me and I don't get my feelings hurt that easily. I can see how some people would feel like they weren't being included, especially if you thought you were close to that person. I would offer to do anything I could to help before and that day to make everything run smoothly.
@Steph921 - You know I wanted my brothers to be ushers as well as groomsmen and stand up with us, but one of my brother said he didn't want to be an usher! Oh well. I just thought it was a little odd. He's still a groomsmen regardless.
No I think that everyone should have who they want in their wedding party and I don't think that you should have someone in your wedding party just because you want their SO in the wedding party!
Oops, I answered too soon. Ha, I thought your question was: if you husband/fiance were in a wedding, would you expect to be INVITED to a family member's wedding.
I'd like to change my vote to "No, wouldn't mind." 
Although Mr. Peng's sister and brother are neither engaged yet, I know that they'll be in each others wedding parties, and I am pretty sure I won't be. It doesn't bother me in the slightest.
I actually wanted to be a guest at my SIL's wedding, however, when she asked me to be a bridesmaid I said yes cause she was very sweet about it and reallly wanted me up there. Otherswise I would have been more than happy being just a guest.
I don't think it's expected just because ... and it really doesn't make sense. DH was in his cousin's wedding, and it wouldn't have made sense for me to be in the wedding too. Believe me, it was no fun to be "just a guest" but it was fine. When our siblings marry, it wouldn't bother me to if he's in his sister's wedding and I'm not. In that case, it might be nice if my SIL included me but she and I don't have the history the she has with her brother.
I think you've made a fine choice. I hope you're just curious -- I hope these people are making negative comments about your choice!
I was a BM in a wedding simply because my then boyfriend was a GM. They just needed to even the number and knew I'd be there with him. The bad part was that we broke up 3 months before their wedding. So I felt awakward still being in the wedding and attending the wedding. But the bride and groom were so sweet and made me feel welcomed the weekend of. As it turns out I'm still their friend and he isn't.
So I voted no. I wouldn't be upset if I wasn't asked to be in someone's wedding even though my man is.
In our wedding I have my SIL as a BM but my brother (her husband) is an Usher. My FI had his own friends he wanted by his side. I think that's understandable.
I wouldn't expect to be! It's an honor for close friends and family members- but as a new member (or soon to be member), I wouldn't expect it. If you're dating someone in the wedding party, you already get to attend the rehearsal dinner and all that..so why the need to have a "special" role?
Nope. My FBIL is getting married after us and my fiance is the best man. I'm not in the wedding. Same with our wedding. FBIL is best man, but his fiance is not in our wedding.
I don't think it's necessary at all. But I might see if I can find another way for them to feel included. My fiance was a groomsman in his sister's wedding, and they asked me to take pictures of her and the bridesmaids getting ready since the photographer wouldn't be in there.
@mary-alice-me: No, no no! They are not making negative comments about it. FSIL is great. FI's neices (her and BM daughters) are even our flower girls and she has been nothing but helpful about their dresses and complimented what we've done so far. My BIL is a character in his own. He even gave me his opinion on my invitation mock ups. Haha I do think he in particular would feel weird being up there as well. They live in San Antonio and don't really do many family things with anyone else except for our occaisonal visits with each other since they were dating or been married.
I was curious because of that comment I read where a bee said she was "only" a guest (honestly, I don't know if she meant as she thought she should be included or not and I do not know the history there). I guess it made me feel a little guilty because I do like both of them very much but as one person said above, we just don't have the same history as with our siblings. I've been thinking about asking them to do a reading or something.
Depends on how close you are to the couple, if we hung out every weekend and partied during sports events etc, and you only asked him to be a part I'd be put off a bit, however if you're just his friends and not mine, I wouldn't care and would go to take notes :P
No, not at all.
My DH is the best man in his cousin's wedding. His cousin is the girl and the groom is his best friend.
I'll be the guest in the pretty black and pink dress with my DSLR taking extra pictures.
You are not wrong, dont' even wrory about it! My husband included his wife's husband, but only b/c they are all close AND both stood on HIS side.
I'm going to be a BM in a wedding in April, and I would actually find it wierd if DH were made a GM just because I'm a BM!
So glad it was just curiosity Miss Hot Sauce! Nobody needs to worry about this kind of stuff. It's nice to be considerate, but at this point we're all adults (something I feel like I'm still getting used to sometimes!).
I voted other. I don't think I would be upset unless I thought I was good friends with the bride. Also, I think it would pretty much suck if FI sat at a head table with the groomsmen and I had to sit by myself at a regular table. Barring those too issues, I'd be fine with it.
I wouldn't be at all.
My fiances' BM is his brother and his brothers gf is not a bridesmaid.
Last year at FBIL's wedding my FI was best man which is fine but I was a little hurt that FSIL didn't ask me since FI and I had been dating for like 2 years at that point. The day kind of sucked for me going to the church alone, then going back to our house alone then the reception...FBIL promised that I would be sitting at one of the reserved tables with the rest of the family and that didn't happen so I sat at the farthest table in the back corner with her family's work friends. I was steaming!
There were other things that happened that day but I won't even start in on them!
But it's okay now and FSIL is MOH...funny how things work out right?!
my hubby was his brothers best man and i was in the crowd as a guest - i didnt expect anything else as it was the brides choice entirely and she has other female friends/family that she is closer to.
when my brother got married i didnt think for a second that i would be asked as a BM and i wasnt
I dont think you are wrong for it. My DH has been a groomsman and/or best man in weddings that I have not been a part of . It depends on the people getting married and your relationship to them. I dont think your sisters husband has to be a groomsman though I do believe in having future in-laws in the wedding (your sister, or if you had a brother to be a groomsman for your FI) but I dont think you have to extend it to other people if you dont want to.
In our wedding I had my FSIL as a bridesmaid and my DH had my brother and his sisters fiance as a groomsman because they were friends. He also had his brothers as Best Men but I did not have their wives as part of the bridal party. It never got brought up so Im sure they didnt mind anyways.
I think it depends. But I probably wouldn't care unless I thought I was close to that person and thought they would ask me regardless of my fiance's involvement.
This wouldn't bother me at all, although my sister and my husband are actually really good friends (were friends before he and I got together), so I wouldn't be shocked if we were both involved in her wedding party somehow. As for my BIL, I hardly know him so I wouldn't be upset if I were a guest but not part of his wedding party. I wouldn't think it was common practice to have to have the spouse of a wedding party member also involved. We had it in our wedding (my best friend is actually married to my husband's best friend), and people kept commenting on how rare it was to have a married couple in the wedding party.
I am not going to ask FSIL to be in my wedding party, and there's nothing wrong with that. I want a small party of my close friends, and she's not one of them. I will welcome her as a guest. Same thing goes for my BIL. My sis will be a BM but it doesn't mean he will be a GM for the mister. They get along really well, but they aren't friends outside of family functions.
I remember that original post, I think, that she was the only person out of the inlaws and siblings not included. I could see how that would be a little annoying but honestly I wouldn't think anything of it... it is up to the bride and groom.
Well, my brother is getting married and my husband is in the wedding, while I am not. I'm a little hurt that I'm not involved, but I'm not mad, nor would I EVER say anything or hold it against them. It is their wedding, they should do as they please.
The reason they did not include me is because:
1. When they got engaged and chose their wedding party, I had never met his fiance.
2.they wanted to be traditional and have groomsmen and bridesmaids, so she wasn't going to have me as a bridemaid since I had never met her, and he didn't want a female on his side.
If I were merely an "in-law", I wouldn't really feel hurt. But I guess since it is MY ONLY BROTHER'S wedding, it's different. But again, it's their decision.
@Jessie516 - We actually have one married couple in our party too but that is it. Its been kind of difficult because there are six of us that kind of hang out...but one guy my FI and I only tolerate because he is the brother of one of our friends (the GM of the couple) and he is married to my oldest friend. We did catch some flack about that whole thing, because we DO NOT want him in the wedding party. It was basically just from my friend. I think she feels that we should include him because she, his brother and his wife are in the party and he'll feel left out. Truth be told we don't even want him at the wedding or the RD! Well, he and FI have since had a falling out so hopefully we don't have to worry about that anymore.
It's not worng that you did that. Its YOUR wedding and it's your close family or friend that is in YOUR wedding party! I didn't feel the need to ask the person's spouse to be in it. That would just mean they would have to spend more money as a couple anyway.
Absolutely not. Maybe it's just because I'm not especially to FSIL but when she got married, I was just fine with being a guest despite FI being a groomsman. Had I been asked, I think I would have felt awkward knowing it would have been a pity thing. It really shows that situations like this depend entirely on how close you are to your in laws.
We have 4 girls and 4 guys in our wedding party, so if we included their significant others in the wedding party also, that would mean we'd have 16 people in our wedding party!! That would be insane!! And goodness knows none of them would ever return the favor when they got married!
when my fi's (bf at the time) sister got married, he was a groomsman and they included me by asking me to do a reading at the ceremony which i thought was really sweet and wasn't expecting at all.
No, you aren't wrong at all. Conversely, I find it kind of odd when I see wedding parties that include sibling and spouse when I know they aren't close to the spouse.
I think it really depends, but typically I would say this is not something you are justified in being hurt about. Being in someone's wedding party is an extreme honor and shouldn't be expected by anyone.
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