Answers to your questions about Catholic weddings

posted 3 years ago in Catholic
Post # 3
Member
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

This is a great idea thanks! I hope I don’t make a nuisance of myself with questions.

Do we need sponsors for the wedding like the other sacrament?

Post # 4
Member
4511 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@SweetBug:  not really. I think in some cultures (Hispanic?) there is a tradition of this, but otherwise, you will need two witnesses. (Usually the maid of honor and best man.) I *think* they fulfill both a legal role (signing the marriage license) as well as required by the Church to be “witnesses” that the marriage occured.

Post # 5
Member
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Thanks so much! I’m West African and we usually have wedding sponsors back home, so my mom was asking. 

Post # 6
Member
117 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I have some questions that are mostly etiquette but specific to a Catholic wedding ceremony (not a mass). 

When do I pay the deacon, at the rehearsal or at the ceremony? Is $100 enough? Do I need to invite him to the rehearsal dinner, the reception, both? Does he bring his wife? Will there be altar servers at my ceremony if we are not having any communion? How many? Do I tip them? How much? 

When do I bring flowers to Mary? 

Post # 7
Member
635 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@odelly:  We aren’t paying the Deacon.  But we will be giving the priest an amount of $100 for performing our ceremony.  We won’t be inviting the priest to our rehearsal or reception as we hardly know our priest.

 

You won’t need alter servers if you aren’t having mass.  I wouldn’t tip anyone other than the priest.  And as for the flowers, I have no idea as we aren’t doing that either.

Post # 8
Member
117 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Autumnsnow:  Well we are being married by a deacon because we aren’t having a mass. Our church only has the priests do wedding masses; ceremonies get a deacon. But $100 seems fairly standard, and it’s someone we only met when we started planning the wedding, so we don’t know him very well. Are you giving him the “tip” at the rehearsal or after the wedding?

Post # 9
Member
635 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@odelly:  Oh I see.  The Deacon at my Chruch only organizes the premarriage classes.  I see what you mean now.  We will present the check after the ceremony when our witnesses sign our marriage certificate.

Post # 10
Member
4511 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@odelly:  Unless you hear otherwise, you can pay him either at the rehearsal or I would recommend right before the ceremony (you can assign someone else the task of handing out things like that, and if there is anyone else you will be paying, like the musicians or altar servers.) If you give it at the rehearsal, ISTM that it’s more like “payment,” but if you give it before the wedding, it seems more like “thank you.” Just my opinion. $100 seems enough, but it could be more. If you’re at a smaller or country parish it should be fine, but if it’s bigger or in a city or a big suburb it seems little low. If he is invited to the reception (which I guess he should be,) then his wife should also be invited, and he should rsvp in the usual fashion at which point he will let you know if he is bringing his wife. I think you should probably also invite them to the rehearsal dinner. I don’t think there is any point to having altar servers if it’s not a mass… there won’t really be much to do except hold the missal for the deacon; just ask him what he prefers. If you have them, then you should tip them probably $15-25, assuming they are young or teenage boys (or girls, depending on your church.) As for flowers to Mary, they usually happen at the very end of the ceremony, right before the recessional. Just discuss with the deacon that you want to do it, and he will let you know when and you can practice it at the rehearsal.

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