Post # 1
I’m really tired of people thinking that just because I’m now officially engaged that I’m supposed to gush about it all the time. I had a phone call with a friend earlier today, and she called me wanting to “hear the whole story, from start to finish.” When I told her there wasn’t one, she persisted, so I told her what happened. We were talking, he proposed. It was simple. It was us. And I am/was happy with it. And she continued to tell me that there should have been more romance, and ask if I was showing him off saying “Hi, this is my fiance” to people. No, I’m not. Then she proceeds to say if I’m not happy with my engagement, she was always there for me to talk to.
I’m thrilled to be engaged. However. We have been “engaged” in the greater sense of the word since April 2012. We’ve known we were going to get married for over a year. I don’t understand why it’s expected of me to flash my ring under everyone’s noses and shove FI into them with an “OMG MEET MY HUSBAND-TO-BE.” I’ve known this friend since second grade. She knows me better than that.
Then I have other friends who don’t understand why I’m not totally into the planning process (mentioned in a previous post). Why I don’t want to go to bridal shows, start trying on dresses immediately, or looking at flower arrangements.
So now I just feel like a terrible bride-to-be. I just don’t… feel like my wedding is the end all be all of my life. I’m more excited to BE married than to GET married. Everytime someone decides I must be unhappy, I want to front snap kick their kneecaps…
Post # 3
@flaxenfox: I am the same way. I am not that annoing bride to be who all she talks is her wedding and shows off her ring on facebook.
The more important is the marriage… And it is every day work.
People want to hear happy stories,so try to be excited… in the end it is just now, only time when you get to do that! Its nice to be on the spot for once.
Post # 4
@flaxenfox: As someone who is quite into the planning process, I still completely understand where you’re coming from.
When I got engaged, people gushed over me non-stop for WEEKS. There was squealing and hugging and constant carrying on about it.. I think a few weeks in, I started offending people because I was so OVER IT. The most frustrating part was that FI and I had been looking to buy a house for 6 months prior to getting engaged, and all these people knew that – yet here they are, being all “oh how exciting! I wasn’t expecting that! How does it feel to not be single anymore?!” – we were buying a house! That’s a MUCH bigger commitment than getting engaged!
Anyway, I feel your pain. Just remember, a lot of these people are only acting this way because they’re excited and happy for you – and they also may be projecting their own feelings or expectations onto your engagement. Weather the storm, it’ll die down in a few weeks!
Post # 5
I can relate. I’m happy to be getting married but I’m not that excited about the wedding. It’s awkward when people expect me to be all giddy about it when I’m not.
Post # 6
I’m very private about our planning. I just don’t really want to talk about it because I don’t really want any outside opinions. Unless someone asks directly, I won’t bring it up. AT ALL. The WEIRDEST people want to know the strangest details though, and that’s awkward and frustrating. I’m a full year out, I haven’t even thought about the little things yet.
Post # 7
@flaxenfox: OMG I had some very similar experiences. Within the first two weeks of being engaged I felt like I had repeated the story 100 times. So when a girl from church asked to hear it, it was like the 101st time I had to go through it and it was so routine. Plus I’m already a very mellow person by nature, and she knows this about me. But somehow she misinterpreted this and assumed I was unhappy about the engagement. I mean she actually interrupted and said “are you even happy?” UMMM WTF!? I felt like asking her if I was supposed to be doing backflips and shooting off fireworks.
And I absolutely hated the planning process, so I would procrastinate on things and be indecisive. A few people asked my mom if I really wanted to get married or not. I was beyond offended. Like you, I was also anticipating and excited for the marriage, not really the wedding. Thankfully I was able to press forward despite people thinking something was wrong with me. Btw I actually ended up loving my wedding but I would never willingly go through that again!
Post # 8
I did the mass “I said yes!” text with the ring pic and all when I first got engaged, but when friends would call or text to gush I’d be all “yada yada, this is how it went down, so – how are YOU?” I did not want to be that bride who ONLY talk wedding, and I think so far I’ve been good at it. I have stopped talking details and we’ve posted collectively about the wedding less than a handful of times and the wedding is coming up… lol
I also got some unwelcome opinions (a friend telling me my groom should wear pants, NOT shorts, when I told her it’d be a beach wedding) and I was like “aw, hell noes”… Also, when I told my mom I hated planning and was over it, she got all emotional and said, “I just want you to enjoy this, you should be enjoying this” I’m all “mom, I’m excited to marry him, this part I can do without” 😛
Post # 9
I suppose people are just very excited for you. I understand how you feel. I would feel nauseous when my mother and her friends would talk to me about the wedding. I did NOT want the huge event they were trying to force on me and the thought of planning a wedding made me sick.
Post # 10
One of the huge advantages of having three and a half weeks from when DH proposed to when we got married was that people didn’t have forever to go on about it. So while I had some great, fun, planning type conversations in delightful cafes with my closest friends, this was a short, intense process that I didn’t have the time to get fed up with!