Post # 1
I have a love hate relationship with my wedding (generally more hate than love). If it were up to me I’d elope and get it over with. FI really wants the wedding. Because we are having a wedding I’m committed to making it about us and not a “traditional” wedding (I generally hate weddings). That combined with my hatred of wasted money and my feelings that weddings in general are a waste of money has turned me into a very cynical person. I think I may be becoming an “inverse bridezilla”. Basically if you want me to incorporate a normal wedding tradition, I’ll shoot it down. I want what I want for my wedding and basically it everything that a traditional wedding is not. This is very hard for other people to understand. Has anyone else gone out of their way to ensure that their wedding isn’t “a wedding”?
Post # 3
Since I have attended a # of weddings as well as assisted w/ my gf who is a planner, I’ve decided to have a more intimate celebration w/ family and close friends. We’re getting married overlooking the water in a lovely small park. I’m wearing a formal dress whereas my FI will wear some nice slacks and a cuban shirt. We both wanted to get married on the beach but wasn’t able to soo its the next best thang.
Make it uniquely yours but use the tried and true wedding template if possible. It will definitely cutdown your stress.
Post # 4
Yes, we were/are in the same situation – and I’ve felt like an anti-wedding Bridezilla sometimes, too. All the time. Esp when saying to my fiance’s mother, who wants nothing more than for us to be happy but who has a very traditional idea of what weddings are like, that we are not doing the candles, and we’re not doing the father-daughter dances, I’m not having a bouquet, etc. I feel like a real grinch every time any of these things comes up.
I comfort myself with the understanding that part of planning and having a wedding is establishing your identity as a grown-up and a couple within the structures of two families, and learning to set boundaries and make compromises with the other adults and family members.
Sometimes I also stomp my feet and say, “It’s my big day and if I don’t want a stupid eternity candle I’m not having one.” But mostly just as a joke.
I dunno – I think it helps not to take it all too seriously, also. This is more a reminder to myself than advice for anyone else.
Post # 5
I don’t want the wedding – never wanted it – just wanted to elope. With FI being the oldest and first to get married, it’s a huge deal in his family. I decided to be the good sport and have the wedding.
Since I don’t want it, my theory on it has been “it’s my way or I’m not doing it” – very bridezilla like (as my mother keeps reminding me), but if I have to have this wedding, then I want what I want and you can deal with it.
Yea.. I’m a pain.
Post # 6
lol you just spelled out my situation.
If it were up to me we’d go to the courthouse and that’s it. maybe have a nice dinner with our parents afterwards. But he wants this wedding.
I’m excited cause I love celebrations, but super frustrated that I’m planning this by myself.. he wants a wedding but wants none of the hassles.
I can’t stand traditions just for the sake of tradition (especially when certain wedding traditions are sexist) so I’m doing this my way. I’ve mentioned some of my “unique” ideas to a few friends and they’ve given me weird faces. one girl even straight out told me “NO you can’t do that, it has to be like this” to about everything I want. I’ve stopped telling these friends any details.
I don’t think I’ve been a bridezilla about it cause I don’t react to the haters 😉 I usually just nod and end the conversation. I’ll leave them to be surprised on the day of the wedding.
Thankfully my mom and best friend have been completely supportive and love that my wedding will be different and personal. They’ve been a huge help.
Post # 7
I actually read a good book that had some unique ways of dealing with wedding traditions for the “anti-bride”. The book is “Anti-Bride Etiquette Guide: The Rules – And How to Bend” Them by Carolyn Gerin and Kathleen Hughes. I think they have a few other books, too.
Post # 8
@snoie: “Since I don’t want it, my theory on it has been “it’s my way or I’m not doing it” – very bridezilla like”
Post # 9
I have just over a month a go, gone through (not had) a full blown traditional wedding. And i hate myself for it. The whole thing just got way out of control with everyone ‘suggesting’ and ‘offering’ and ‘surprising’ me with things that i totally didnt want but some how got roped in to. I am a tomboy/rock chic at heart and a traditional wedding was/is my idea of hell. I went through with it for everyone else just keeping my mouth shut and now i am stuck with the aftershock of what i have done. I refuse to talk to anyone about the wedding and avoid all contact with it or any reminders of it. But i still cant step away from whats in my head. So to all the ‘to be’s’ out there be careful what you let happen around you. The worst thing is after trying to talk to people (family who nudged/suggested) they say why did you not tell me why did you not stop it.
Bit late now, instead of being perhaps a bit rude to them or the thing they wanted, i am now stuck with all these mixed emotions of guilt hatrid self loathing etc etc.
Stick to your guns! You have to have your day to keep forever
Post # 10
I am so glad to hear someone else say this!!!!
I am very anti-wedding bridezilla…to the point the ladies at work just assumed I didn’t want a shower.
FI and I have been together for 10 years, I think a wedding is important to him, but he never wanted to push me into one. We discussed a million and one ways to get married “just us” and found out that out families wouldn’t recognize this as a union. I also felt I might regret not having a “special” day.
So away we go wedding planning and I’m pulling my hair out. I’ve never had so much distain for something in my life. I don’t get reved up about it like some people do, I don’t really want to talk about it, and I’m not terribly excited.
In the end, I think it will be a good day though. At least other people will be happy…and I’m trying to please myself along the way and stick to my guns!