(Closed) Anxiety

posted 7 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
2392 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Honestly, I’d be way more concerned about adding time to the commute (I think long commutes are one of those things that slowly eat away at happiness for most people) than about being a 30-60 minute drive for your parents.  In the scheme of things, that is not fair at all.  You can still spend a weekend day over there and be home by night, or have dinner with them frequently.  It gives you enough distance that you have a life of your own and it’s a distinct act to go over there and see them, but not so much that it’s not still really convenient.

I live a six hour plane flight from my parents and it totally stinks.  I mean, I love it here and they love it where they live, but I wish they were less than an hour away!  I know it’s all a matter of perspective, and what you’re used to is being so close by.  I don’t think it’s crazy to be concerned based on what you’re used to, but I do think that it’s not really very far away.  You’re building a life of your own, but you’re not really leaving them behind since they’re still so close by.

Post # 5
Member
4693 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Thirty minutes isn’t so bad!  Trust me, my mom recently moved from 5 minutes down the road to another town a half hour away, and I still go see her all the time! 🙂

Post # 6
Member
858 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Its ok. You’re just used to having them around. The thing is, once you move, you’ll notice that you get used to it very fast. It isn’t like being at college at all. I live 7 hours from my parents and I originally went to college just 20 minutes from them. Then we also live 2 hours from my in-laws, but I actually see them all the time. I think you’re right, that you just don’t want to disappoint them, but my guess is they are thinking of grandkids… But since you have to commute to that area anyway, I don’t really see why they won’t have plenty of time with you and your family. Good luck! I promise, once/if you make the move, it really won’t be that bad.

Post # 8
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

30-40 minutes actually still isn’t that far from your parents, to be honest I’d be more concerned about the commute to work. But if that’s something you are willing to live with in order to have more space and be in a more family friendly house then you’ve already decided and your parents are just making things hard by making you think about it all over again.

It could be worse, my DH lives a 3 hour plane ride from his entire family and is lucky if he sees them 3 times a year. It’s a big sacrifice he decided to make when he went to college in order to attend a prestigious school and get a great degree. It paid off the way he wanted it too, but it’s still a tough thing to be away from his family.

Either way, you’re going to have to sacrifice on something – it’s either going to be the size and safety of your house or proximity to your parents. I think you are going in the right direction here with the offer on your new home.

Post # 9
Member
5978 posts
Bee Keeper

30-40 minutes is definitely doable! When I first saw your post, I thought maybe you were moving a few hours away which would be tough. You’ll still be able to see your family a ton, even if they do live 30-40 minutes away. We live 45 minutes from both of our parents in opposite directions, and it’s perfect for us. Trust me…you’ll still be able to see them just as often. It just won’t be a quick 5 minute trip anymore.

Post # 11
Member
4693 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@ams12: Yes, my mom and her husband come to visit frequently as well.  🙂

Post # 12
Member
7175 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I think you need to decide if you really want to move that far away.  From what you said, it sounds like putting an offer on the house  makes you realize that you prefer to be close to your parents.  30-40 minutes is not a lot, but it IS far enough were the casual get together, hang out, bring over dinner/treats, doesn’t happen.

My sister moved 30 minutes away and because of traffic, we rarely see her on the weekends and, quite frankly, getting out to her is a lot more work than if she was just up the road.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting a closer relationship with your parents (as long as your husband is ok with it) and it sounds like what you’ve learned about this process is you want to find a new place that’s close to them.

Post # 13
Member
1129 posts
Bumble bee

Everyone above me gave great advice as to your feelings of moving away from your parents.  The issue that stood out to me was your commute, since that is something personally I have dealt with.  The big question is this – if one of you were to lose your current job, would your commute be even longer if you had to work elsewhere?  

This happened to me and changed everything about my life.  When we bought our home, it made my commute to my then-job about 35 minutes and my husband’s commute about 50.  When I lost my job, my new job was in a further away city (the big city) and made my commute 3 hours ROUND TRIP!  My husband’s company transfered him to a new job site and now he does that same 3 hour RT commute.  It’s brutal – I’m having a hard time finding anything close to home because I live in the suburbs but also don’t want to commute more than 35-40 minutes one way.

We defintely got caught up in the idea of owning this house and being in love with the picture in our minds instead of really considering the commute issue.  

I hope that everything works out for the best – buying a house can be stressful (sounds like you’ve done it once before) but ultra rewarding.  🙂  Just proceed with caution! 

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