(Closed) Anxiety

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@5750K:  *hug*

 

It sounds like you have a lot of things to think about before this wedding. Some of them seem like a big deal now but don’t matter on the day. No beer? How about some awesome mocktails? 

 

It will all work out, I promise.

 

 

Post # 4
Member
128 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@5750K:  Getting married is huge.  I’ve had many people come to me and say that it’s not going to change our relationship, it’s just a piece of paper, it doesn’t change anything.  I feel it does.  Because of the amount of thought and preperation most people put into a wedding and the legally binding component, and all the stress and any number of other factors, i feel like my fiance and i are really making a big step and changing the tone of our relationship from boyfriend and girlfriend, to spouses.  Since i see this change as huge, i can understand the hang up on losing your last name.  I like the concept of changing my name, in part beause i’ve never had real family, and his is really making me feel loved and welcomed, but mostly becase it ties me to my best friend, it lets him know my level of commitment and makes me feel like we are taking the first step in buolding our family base.  The glory of these traditions though is we live in a world that is becoming more lax on them and not taking the last name is becoming more and more accepted, so if you really dont want to have it, you dont have to. You know you’re standing beside him for all time, does the name really become nessesary for you to feel that way? not at all i bet! Do what makes you feel most natural and comfortable.  As far as booze at your wedding, I fall on his side here.  If his family and he are activly made unconfortable by being around it, where as you and your guests might just miss the option, one side is clearly made to be holding the wet end of the stick.  Maybe you could offer a different indulgence, like amazing desserts? Liquor isn’t nessesary for a good time, and i be you all will have a blast without it there.  Again, though, you’ve got to do what makes you feel best.  Talk with your love calmly and explain how you feel, chances are he’ll get where you are coming from and you guys can compromise on something.  I know it can all feel overwhelming and insane, but it’ll all fall together and you’re going to have a wonderful day! As far as the 50 50 shot we all have at wedding sucess, don’t even think about it.  Work on your relationship.  Falling in love is cake, staying in love is harder sometimes.  As long as the 2 of you put in the work, you’re going to have an amazing life together, don’t even worry about that!

Post # 6
Member
11753 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I actually don’t think you are being silly at all about the alcohol thing – this is your wedding, too and you have a right to be comfortable and to accommodate your family and friends who do drink.  No, alcohol at a wedding is not necessary  but if that is what you want I think your fiance should compromise with you.  I think having beer and/or wine or maybe just champagne is a fair compromise.  Just because his family doesn’t drink doesn’t mean others can’t.  

I think your feelings of nervousness are completely valid – getting married is a HUGE transition.  Do you and fi live together?  Just wondering because that will probably be the biggest transition of all and something you guys should discuss (style of living, spliting up household work, etc) beforehand.  Moving in with my fiance (then bf) was the most stressful part of our relationship to date.

Post # 7
Member
11753 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

And also – I am definitely going to change my name ( and I do side with your fiance in wanting to “feel” like a family in that way).  Hoewver, there was a time I didn’t want to because I have a pretty rare last name and because I onyl have sisters, this is the end of my family’s name.  🙁  But, if you feel more comfortable keeping your name that is fine – you can change your mind later!  Maybe you guys could compromise and hyphenate?  Just make sure you are doing what is best for you and what will make you happy, too.  

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