(Closed) Anxiety about being back together??

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
2587 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - UK

Big change is scary! It’s normal to feel anxious – it’s very unsettling!

Just let your Fiance know what you’re feeling and indulge in some home comforts to help. Once you’ve got all your stuff set up and feeling homey, that will help. Maybe get your favourite dinner, and then watch your favourite movie or TV show.


I’m much the same, and those things always tend to help.

Post # 4
2651 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Breathe, honey! ALL of your feelings matter, even the ones that aren’t that great. Chronicwhimsy is right – big change is scary. You’re going through several all at the same time, so it’s totally natural to feel anxious. Just try and remember that it’s ok to feel that way. Once you get more settled, the anxiety will start to ebb away and your joy will have a chance to be front and center. 

It helps me to sit down and put words to each of my anxieties and think of ways to soothe myself. Like I might say, “I am anxious about being away from my family. That’s totally expected and natural because I am close to them and am used to being close to them. Even though we are physically apart, I know they are never more than a phone call away. I am going to put pictures of them around the house so that I can always see them no matter where I am!”

Lots of hugs and soothing vibes your way!

Post # 6
133 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Just relax—I nearly freaked out and broke up with my Fiance (we’d been dating for 3 years, a large chunk of it long distance) just weeks before he proposed because we were moving in together. I felt a lot of anxiety about that and was turning into it meaning something more about our relationship, when I was just really nervous about moving in with him, graduating from undergrad, and starting a new job. All very natural feelings, and all totally unrelated to my relationship with my Fiance.

I always maintain that it’s not a good idea to make major life choices when you’re in a period of change and upheaval. People naturally are resistant to change and it can really cloud your judgement by making it hard to tell what is the source of your anxiety!  

Acknowledge your feelings, understand that they are natural…and if you still feel this way after finding a job, getting settled in, etc., then you might want to revisit them and make sure you and your Fiance are still really happy now that the long-distance is over. But for now, I don’t think there’s any reason to worry!

Post # 7
309 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Commenting so I can contribute later!

Post # 8
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@tirralirra:  Totally normal. And you sound just like me by the way… anxious about being anxious. Exhausting, isn’t it?!

I think most people would feel anxious in your situation. Change is hard. I think you just need some time to adjust to your new life. I’m a homebody too and horrible with change so don’t expect it to happen overnight.

Just get into a routine and things will start falling back into place.

Post # 9
1342 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

All change creates chaos.  Hang in there!!!!

Post # 11
3248 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@tirralirra:  I think that what you’re feeling is completely normal, especially if you are close with your family and you’ll now be living far away from them. 

When I moved in with my SO after dating for over a year, I was happy, but also scared and very distressed and sad at moving out of my parents’ home (though I had lived elsewhere before, during college). I have always been close to my parents, and though events at that time made me pretty relieved to be out of their house and living with my dear SO, it was still very hard. It was kind of like I expect walking down the aisle would have been like in times past, when the bride went right from her childhood home & the protection of her family, to marriage and a new home and totally new life with her man (and sex, and the possibility of getting pregnant, too)! (Though those last two things were not worries for me.)

My distress at moving away from my parents and the home where I’d grown up was so great that for the first little while (a week or so?) living with my SO, I didn’t enjoy myself a whole lot. Even though my family is 1 1/2 hours away from where we live and I can go visit them anytime I want to.

I think you’ll get used to it– you’ll find the swing of things being with your SO all the time (I’m sure the two of you have routines of some kind, and little habits of being together, etc.) and it will soon feel, if not normal, at least pleasant and fun. And then that will become normalcy and anything else will feel odd! It takes a while to get over the weirdness of moving in with someone, too– even if it is the love of your life. There is an inevitable awkwardness in learning about someone’s everyday habits, even if you have stayed with them for a few weeks at a time in the past. And, it can be scary moving in with your SO for the first time just because it is kind of like a big experiment to see how well the two of you work together as a two-person family unit living in the same house and seeing each other all the time, in all moods and states of being. But it sure is fun, once you’re used to it. 

Best of luck adjusting! I’m sure you guys will be fine. 🙂

Post # 12
5093 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

Your feelings are totally normal.  DH and I dated for two years in high school, broke up, didn’t speak for several years, and finally reconnected while I was living in Japan (but on a short vacation to the US).  We ended up being long distance for the next nine months.

Moving back was probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done.  I had lived there for two years and had become very, very, very close with all the people on my little island, and it was so hard to know how far away I was going.  I was dealing with reverse culture shock, too, when I got back.  I was trying to reconnect with friends I hadn’t seen in two years while also desperately missing my friends back in Japan.  There was many a night when Darling Husband (only my boyfriend at the time) held me as I sobbed myself to sleep.  There was SO MUCH to adjust to.

You know what, though?  I would do it all over again if I had to.  Finally being able to see him in person every day, to kiss him, to hold him, to do things together, everything… it was amazing.  And he was amazing, and he showed me just how much by his actions while I went through my post-move depression.  He was there for me, and that’s how I knew we were meant to be.

Make sure you openly communicate with your Fiance about the difficulties you’re having with the adjustments so he knows what’s up.  Make sure you take a bit of time each day just to be thankful you’re with him.  And take a bit of time each day to keep in touch with the people you leave behind.

You’re in for an amazing, amazing journey.  I won’t lie; it’s going to be hard, but the results will be so worth it.  Best of luck!


ETA:  DH wants you to know that the absolute best part will be living with your Fiance when he’s sick.  DH says this as he lies on the couch moaning and holding a puke bucket next to him.  For some reason, I think he might be overestimating how much I enjoy being around him tonight.  Tongue Out

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