Post # 1
My Fiance has alway hopped from one entry-level job to the next, never making a decision or sticking through the annoying parts of an entry-level position that everyone has to deal with to get to the next level. I told him that before we got engaged I needed some sense of security; to know that he was willing to stick with his current job, to move up, and help build a good future for us and our family (don’t get me wrong, I’ll be working too…). He promised me this, and seemed to be committed to it. When he proposed, I said yes because he was being true to his word.
Lately, however, he’s fallen back into the his past ways – only seeing the negative in his job and applying for new jobs after only a year at this company. The longest he’s ever been with one company is 1.5 years (he’s coming up on a year at this company) and we’re nearly 30…
This instability in his careeer, and the fact that he’s not keeping to the promise he made, is making me extremely anxious. He’s the most caring and patient man I know, and the only thing that makes me nervous is this one issue. Do your Bees out there have any advice??
Post # 3
Can I ask what industry he is in?
Post # 4
Hi @Vikstar: Right now he works for an Integrated Marketing Communications firm. It’s a small company (8 people) so he does a lot of things (project management, marketing coordination, client management, copyediting, general office management). It’s a great opportunity and it makes me nervous that he would just move on to something else and never get any depth of experience – just stay with that surface level of work with no real “expertise” that you would get after doing something for several years…
Post # 5
@tinyteapot: Have to talked to him about his recent change back into old ways? I would sit him down and remind him of his promise and be very open about that fact that you are concerned and don’t see him providing the security you really need in the future. Having so many jobs lasting only 1 year will make him very hard to employ if he continues on this pattern. Why would I take the time to train someone who is going to leave soon anyway?
You need to voice your concerns asap.
Post # 6
@Everdeen: I’ve definitely tried to talk to him about it recently. I tell him that I feel the same way – that the short stints at places are a concern for employers, as well as not allowing you to have that depth of experience. I think my problem is the way I voice my concerns. I tend to come from an anxious place, and a place where I feel like I have more faith in his abilities than he does which is frustrating. It comes out more like a lecture I think… which is not OK when talking to my Fiance. How would you approach that kind of discussion??
Post # 7
@Everdeen: +1. A pattern of leaving one job after name other looks bad on any resume. Employers like to see that a potential new hire is capable of sticking it out longer than a year or even two or three years. This could be a major problem down the line and I think you should definitely address it again with him.
Post # 8
@sillysillybee: I’m glad to hear you second @Everdeen:. I know I’m not crazy for seeing it the same way. I’m a firm believer in longer term employment. I feel like it takes a year at least to even just find your place in an organization. It’s good to know I’m not wrong in my way of thinking…
Post # 9
@tinyteapot: This isn’t great, but perhaps it’s a start:
“FI, I do not mean to leacture you but I am getting concerned that you are falling into old habits again with your job. You are making me nervous and anouise. You were going so well before we got engaged and I was so happy (and so were you!), what changed? Back then we both agreed that it would be best for you to stick out a job for a number of years. Do you still agree that that is best?”
Perhaps bring up children (if you want them) and how he really needs to have moved up the ladder before they come along (in 5 years or whatever). If he starts at a new company he’s behind again.
Or perhaps have a “career planning evening” where you both sit down and plan what you want to do when, who you have to talk to, what events you’d like to attend etc. This might get things rolling and out into the open because he doesn’t feel like it’s all about him?
I’m not really sure, just spit-balling.
Post # 10
The longest I stayed with a company was 6 years and I had 3 positions in the company. Granted, I did move from each one totally appropriately but once I get something it’s hard for me to stay in it. Once I get it, I get bored. I have to be challenged.
I don’t mind hard work or earing my way…not at all. I tend to see work in a larger scheme than most people…in that, I don’t feel we are meant to work in boxes, doing work for others, like drones. And yes, I get we have bills and lives to live. But a switch goes off in me. I have tried hanging in there, tried filling my private life with fun and excitement, but when you are somewhere 8 hours a day and you are bored, it’s hell. For me anyway…
Could he be like me?
What’s the solution? Having him do some deep work within himself (therapy maybe) to figure out what he really, really wants to do that makes money. I realized I needed to go back to school and finish my degree to do what I want. I need creativity. You say he’s in marketing…that’s creative. I can tell you first hand that most creative types meet a fierce enemy in day in, day out schedules.
I am currently unemployed and I have so much guilt about it. Fiance and I decided together I needed to quit my last job (not the 6 year place…just at this place about 9 months) because I was treated very poorly and they never paid me what they said I would earn. But in the meantime, I have to find something. I’m thinking temp work until I go to school or something like that.
Could your Fiance do freelance work? Could he do stuff on the side that he finds interesting while he’s at the other job? If I go after something myself, I tend to hang on to it.