- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
I am very attached to my maiden name since I am very close to my dad. I have always liked my name as-is, and since I have a very unique first name, I have never heard it with any other last name than my maiden name.
I wouldn't change my name (and DH wouldn't mind) but I want the same last name as our kids, who will have DH's last name.
My "solution" was to change my name to Jane (first) Mary (original middle) Doe (maiden name) Smith (married name). It would be legally written Jane Mary Doe Smith, but short hand would be Jane Smith.
Our kids would get the "Smith" last name, not "Doe Smith".
I'd feel bad losing my original middle name as it's my mother's first name.
Do you think it's too wordy even if I'm planning on just writing "Jane Smith" on most things and then using the full name for legal documents? Or am I just worried for no reason?
A friend of mine had this same issue, so her name was, for example, Mary Paige Smith, so when she got married, she changed her name to Mary P. Smith Taylor. Maybe you could just use the first initial.
I'll be the last person withlast maiden last nameitin my lineage. Only child, only grandchild and on and on. I plan to legally change my last name to his but when signing things and professionally I'm going to hyphonate and then phase it out after a few years.
They only reason I won't keep it is from discussing with parents who have kids I school that teachers just assume the parents are divorced because of the two last name thing.
We also are planning on if we ever have a little boy my maiden name will be his middle name.
When you say "I want the same last name as our kids" does that mean you want the same legal name as them or that you want people to call both of you by the same last name? These are actually different.
Im work in the biomedical research field where women cant really change their name at work/ on CV's as that is what is on papers they have published; my current/ maiden name is on various papers and if I change my name it will be hard to show and prove what I have published = my accomplishments. This is true is other fields of work. My H.S. boyfriend's mom was a professor and didnt change her legal name and at work she went by her maiden name. Family, friends and those of us at church used her married name. Some would consider this confusing but it isnt. Honestly. Its far more common than people think, especially when you have fairly seperate social circles.
Just food for thought.
I'm a 5 namer now :). I didn't want to lose my middle name (which is 2 names already!) and I couldn't "get rid of" my maiden last name as my dad has only girls and wouldn't allow it. It's your name, do what makes you happy!
@Kenic315: Hmm, thanks for that idea. I was thinking that when writing on legal documents, to shorten it I could write Jane M.D. Smith to still include everything. I'll look into that!
@Ice Skate: My parents were divorced so my mom would always get annoyed when they used Mrs. Mylastname when she changed her name after the divorce. I want to preserve my maiden name while still being happy with my married name. I like it - it's just so hard to get used to!
@Beautiful Bluegrass: I'd like to have the same legal last name as our kids. If we have a son, DH wants to name the baby after himself, which I totally respect. If he didn't want that, I wouldn't be changing my name.
I did think about the social vs legal aspect of the name change, but I definitely want DH's last name legally. Socially, people call me Mrs. Hislastname now and while it sounds weird, I don't mind it at all.... since that's ultimately what I want anyway! :) Thanks for your input!
@yellowshoe: Ooh, interesting! On legal documents (tax purposes, etc) how do you write out your name, if you don't mind me asking? That's the pickle I'm in - I don't know how I would write it. I honestly don't care what it looks like on my SS card haha
I felt the same way...I decided to change my middle name So I'm First Maiden Last and go by First Last.
@MrsProf: That is what I am doing too! But that could just be because my middle name is nothing special, and my dad is very important to me (plus we only have my nephew to carry on the family name so I will carry it proudly!)
@kala_way: We talked about that, but DH is a Jr and wants his son to be DH III. If he were to change his name, we couldn't continue on the family name he was looking to name our son. I'd be thrilled if he wanted my last name! lol
I feel the same. So I have decided to keep my maiden name. Our future kids will have DH's last name.
I also loved the idea of having DH change his last name to mine. He loves my last name. But he also loves his full name too
@shimmerofheaven: Just like you said. Jane Smith (DH's last name). When signing my name for legal documents I used to always write out all my names, now I just put the letters so it's Jane A. B. C. Smith. But for day by day things, credit cards, etc. I am just Jane Smith. I know, my SS card needs 2 lines to fit all my names. It's funny, but sad. I was just like you, I wanted to have the same last name as my future kids, but I couldn't "get rid" of my maiden last name. So this works for me.
if you love your maiden, then add a middle! my husband has two middle name so while it can be annoying when filling out forms for flying (because the two middle initials don't work) i think it would be fine legally and socially!
I'm not changing my maiden name at all. If we have kids we´ll put both of our last names after our kids first name, very often done here in south america.
I just think that changing your last name to his is just too old fashioned for me and not on anymore in these modern times. Perhaps socially I may do it, as in have thank you cards for the gifts with his name after mine, but definetely not legally, no way! Too much fuss!
I'm going to be First Middle Maiden-HisLast. For work I can go by Maiden-HisLast or just Maiden, and socially, our friends can call me M-H or just HisLast. Then it's legally all there, I'll still share the last name of my future kids, and I get to keep the achievements under my maiden name clearly recognizable. I like the versatility.
I never liked my middle name, so I'm looking forward to dropping it, and being First Maiden Married. That way I'm still keeping my family name, yet taking his. I'll go by First Married, but on legal documents (like house deed, etc) will be First Maiden Married- I'll end up using my new middle name a lot more than my old one!
I have four names (two middle) and its fine! I say keep the middle name if you want.
I'm taking my maiden name as my middle name. It's a little different for me because I don't have a middle name at all, but my name would end up as Mary Doe Smith in your scenario.
@kala_way: bingo.
Or keep your life simple and don't change your name at all.
But OP, given what you've said you want, I think your solution is good. I definitely don't think 4 names is too many at all. I thnk this is fairly common, and how often will you actually have to write out your full legal name? Look at Prince William; he's got like 5 middle names. Doesn't stop him. :-)
I think your plan is wonderful! And, I think it's smart to have the same last name as your kids. I have a friend who got married 20 years ago - she said it was very uncommon for women to keep their maiden name. She has 4 kids and says it's so difficult to explain to everyone that she's their mom (since her name is different). She said not only in school but also at doctor's appointments, pharmacies, medical paperwork, etc.
I have to believe in today's day and age - where I feel more women are keeping their maiden name this gets easier.
I have a first name, three middle names and a surname, and when I get married I plan to hyphenate my last name. You can never have enough!!
In all seriousness though, please do what you want to do and be happy :)
I did exactly what you are proposing and am happy with it. When I went to the SS office they were a littl confused but it went through correctly. Just make sure to decide what goes on legal documents with initials (like do you want your license to say First MM Last, First M Last, etc).
I sign legal documents First Last. I never put my middle initial before, so I don't know. So really, no one really even knows I still have my maiden name, but I do. I had the same reasoning-- my middle name is my mom's first name. If we have a daughter, it will probably be her middle name too.
I ended up doing:
First Middle Maiden Last
I basically have two middle names. I'm the last of 3 daughters in my family, so there is no one to carry on our last night. I had such a hard time with switching my name and definitely had a few breakdowns about it. Granted, it's been a few months, I still haven't fully adjusted to it. I don't like DH's last name that much.
I've updated my email for my fulltime job, but for my side jobs I haven't changed over yet. I haven't even changed my work voicemail - only changed my email signature to First Maiden Last, mostly to not confuse customers.
It's definitely a transition and every now and then I get extremely upset about it. I had an identity crisis for the first month or so. I felt like I didn't know who I was. It was pretty rough.
You could give all your kids your maiden name as their middle names. That doesn't really answer the question, but just a thought.
I felt the same way you do and have First Middle Maiden Name Married Last Name (Jane Mary Doe Smith as you put it). I haven't had any issues with it. I go by my first and married last name to my friends, at work and on my drivers license. Social security, professional licensure and passport are First Middle Maiden Name Married Last Name. Besides really liking my maiden last name, a big reason I did this was because all my work experience and education was under my maiden name. Our children will have our married last name only.
I felt the same way.. Very sad whenever I thought about changing my name, primarily because of my dad. I always joked with the hubs that I'd change it when he got me pregnant. Well, we're expecting in April and just this month (nearly two years after the wedding) I changed it for no other reason than I want the same last name as my children. In our county, when you deliver a baby the baby's hospital wristband, bassinet, etc. has the mother's last name on it for identification purposes. I felt bad thinking that the baby would be refered to as "Baby MaidenName" instead of by his REAL last name (my husband's last name). I guess having a baby on the way makes it a little easier to think about changing my name, but I'm still not over it. It doesn't help that my name change process has been a complete nightmare and has taken weeks and I'm not completely done (it's been a nightmare partially because of my line of work). I'm hoping that as time passes I'll feel better about the change. I'm sure once the baby comes it will help make it feel "right".
luckily for me, i was never very attached to my middle name so i just changed to "first maiden last" if you love all of your names though, then i would legally keep them all, you probably won't ever have to use or sign them all at once.
I would do what you want. If it were me, I wouldn't even change my name at all :) I know you said that about your kids however.
I'm planning on doing First Middle Maiden Last. My middle name is the same as my moms and don't want to lose it, but since I rarely use it (even on legal documents exept if it is asked for) I'm not worried about being to wordy. I'm a little worried about my 'new' last name being a little long though, my last name is 7 letters and my FI 10! What a hypen that would make it 18 charactors long!
do you have a maiden name that could be used as a first name for a boy or girl child you might have? i have seen this done before. that way you can still honor your maiden name if you choose to take his name.
I have 4 names now, the ones on my birth certificate. First Name, Middle Name, Dads last name, Moms last name. I have always had them all showing on my drivers license, passport etc but usually only use them in the 'initial' box of forms I fill out.
Most things that you sign or need to write out your name for you don't need to use your middle name, if you don't hyphenate your maiden name with your married name you can use it as a second middle name instead and only put it on government papers etc.
That's not too lengthy at all! I have two middle names as it is, and I love it and don't find it too long.
I made mine First Middle Maiden Married. It's actually been very helpful throughout the name change process because at this moment in time my wallet has severe multiple personality disorder. :). I don't think it's too long at all, I usually just sign things First Married and have remained First Maiden at work.
i didn't read the other respones, but i'll tell you want I did, and what I wish I did: I didn't want to drop my middle name since it's my mom's maiden name-- I wanted to have all 4 names, bc like you, I wanted to add my dh's name for future children purposes. I don't regret that. I have 2 last names now: so Jane Johnson Doe Smith. I WISH I'd hyphenated, like Jane Johnson Doe-Smith-- having 2 last names is SUPER complicated, like some credit cards don't have enough room in their format for both, etc. Socially people often just refer to me as "Mrs Smith," which is fine with me, but I don't think a hyphen would change that either. I thought about having 2 middle names instead of 2 last, but the NY DMV wouldn't allow me to change my middle name without a court order when I brought in my marriage certificate (which only had my maiden name on it). so I went with 2 last, and seriously, seriously wish I'd just hyphenated. I'd change it again but it's too much of a hassle to think about!
so I voted other: I'd hyphenate.
I still have no clue what I'm going to do. I'm very attached to my name (I'm the only person in the world according to Google with my first and last combined!) but I love my FI's last name and I'd really like to have the same name as our children. I still have a couple months to decide I guess...
My name is now: Becky Middlename Maidenname Married name.
My banking statements say: Mrs. Maidenname Marriedname (no hyphen)
I go by Becky Marriedname.
It works awesome for me! I'm glad I didn't hyphenate, although I find myself saying "I have a double last name without the hyphen."
I was extremely attached to my middle initial, and I originally hoped to do what you are proposing to do -- Jane Mary Doe Smith (with Doe as a second middle name, not one of two last names) and go by Jane M. Doe Smith. However, in the state were I was living when DH and I married, the motor vehicle administration would no longer allow women to have more than three non-hyphenated names on their drivers' licenses.
So, I had to decide between Jane M. Smith or Jane Doe Smith. Although I struggled with my decision, I ultimately realized that I really could not imagine letting go of my given last name. And, since I knew that Jane Doe Smith is the formal, traditional manner in which women historically have changed their names in the U.S., I decided to go that route. I officially am now Jane Doe Smith, and I absolutely LOVE my new name! I am SO glad I made this choice!
I will never understand the hyphenated name thing, it's so goofy. I kept my maiden name b/c changing it to your husband's is an outdated tradition which is completely unnecessary.
People who hyphenate their names seem like women who are partly trying to maintain their independence and just can't make up their mind.
PLEASE DROP YOUR 18 DIFFERENT NAMES AND GET SOME HOOTSBA- CHANGE YOUR NAME OR DON'T. IT'S THAT SIMPLE!
But ask yourself- would your husband change his name????
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| ellisrobertson | 23 |
| MsPanda | 14 |
| aduarte3201 | 14 |
| pengoala | 11 |
| fishbone | 11 |
| ShellVee | 10 |
| ladyartichoke | 10 |
| ndreighton | 10 |
| mypinkshoes | 9 |
| peachacid | 9 |
Sorry, there are no users yet.
