Anxiety: Learning to Live Out of State

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
906 posts
Busy bee

let me first say that I have moved around a lot and I learned that your true friends will keep in touch with you no matter what the distince is. Now as far as making new friends I have no suggestions as far as for people who graduated college. 

Post # 3
Member
1103 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

First, I’ll say message me anytime you need to talk!

We moved the day after Christams from NJ to OR, 3,000 miles. No friends, and the only family was about 4 hours away. Its been tough, I’ve learned a lot about fitting in and making friends. 

Meetup is a great Website, I located a book group and joined, and met people that way. I also joined a hiking group and a outdoors group. FI has met people through his work, but I work at home so I needed to be more outgoing. 

I also got the looks when I’d mention both of our different last names, but I just confidently looked back at them. People have called him my husband, and I laugh and say not yet! 

Post # 4
Member
33 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Alyx19:  I also relocated to Kentucky with my FI but it has been over two years. I am from Alabama so it is only ~350 miles away and also the culture is very similar. I do have access to bars/clubs /lots of activities but I suffer from anxiety as well making it difficult for me to easily meet new people. I suppose it helps being able to more easily visit my friends back home and to be able to have them visit me, however, when I first moved here I was severely homesick.Things do get better and although it is hard to make good friends it is not impossible. I’ve actually used the site http://www.girlfriendsocial.com to meet some cool and nice people so maybe you can try it out? Or if that doesn’t work out try seeking out local groups online for people that share an interest in your hobbies or favorite activities. As far as being judged for not being married, I would not worry about that at all. Although I never felt judged by anyone having to tell them I live/moved with my FI, it really doesn’t matter what others think about your situation and in this day and age, it’s not that unusual. Perhaps you are in a small town where people are super judgemental or something? I understand there are differences amongst regions but what are the cultural norms where you live now which greatly differ from your hometown? Also if you will be moving in 6 months, maybe the new city will be a better fit for you to establish a new life in. But be sure you always stay in touch with your old friends and maintain those friendships as well! 🙂

Post # 5
Member
33 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Alyx19:  please feel free to message me also if you need someone to talk to!

Post # 6
Member
288 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I relocated about 300 miles away from my family for a long term boyfriend.  Then we relocated again about 1500 miles away.  In my experience, it took me about 6mo to 1 year to finally feel settled in.  The second move was much more difficult, as it was just the boyfriend and I. Boyfriend and I sadly didn’t last much more than a year after the second move.   

I wouldn’t worry too much about setting roots where you are, since you are going to be leaving shortly anyway.  Try to grin and bear it, as it is only 6 months.  

In the beginning, I tried to make two trips home per year, and my parents and brother made annual trips.  I would see someone from home about once every three months, and that helps.  I’ve had friends visit (I live near the beach and I am from the midwest) for vacation.

One of the hardest things I have found about adult life is making friends.  I made most of my friends at work, and then branched out socially from there.  I have been in my current location for 5 years and I have managed to build a life with a new FI and new friends.  It doesn’t happen overnight and I was lonely at times, esp after the BF and I broke up.  I was determined to make it work for me because I had a good job and I love the area.  

As far as the not married thing, that might have something to do with the culture in your area.  It’s not like this is 1950.  People live together all of the time.  I wouldn’t put any stock in what strangers think about your relationship status.  People are always juding others for something.  It’s not worth getting worked up over.  

 

Post # 7
Member
705 posts
Busy bee

I’m here to if you need to talk. I moved from the west coast to the east. Its been a very hard time because I really can’t stand the east coast lol but I try my best to just take one day at a time. I try to go home as much as I can to get rid of being home sick. I domt really think it goes away ever but I try to make the best of it. I also look at the bigger picture we have a pretty great life here and we get to do a lot and overall as long as I’m with my fiancé I am happy. I moved out here because we dated long distance and one of us had to move but my fiancé had a great career and Mine was alright. I know it was the best choice. Somedays I flat out hate it and i miss my family and friends so much but like others said true friends never stop being your friend. I’ve also met people through work and my fiances friends and us just being out. It’s not easy that’s for sure but it’s what’s best for your life. We might transfer back and I would be so happy but if it doesn’t work I still have him. I’m here if you need to chat. 🙂 

Post # 10
Member
4797 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Alyx19:  I’ve moved out of state 3 times and you’re right, it’s hard! I’m sure with time you will feel better about it. I have to say the worst move I ever made was to a state I had never visited and I hated every minute of living there. Luckily it’s easy to stay in touch with people nowadays and so you can still lean on family and friends. As time goes, you’ll make new friends! Just try not to get in the rut of going to work and coming home else you’ll never meet anyone. Go to your gym, (maybe) join a church, look for a Meet Up group in your area with things you like to do, join a book club, etc etc.

Post # 11
Member
1103 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

You’re welcome! I should add- people find it very disarming and hard to be disapproving when you start gushing about your impending wedding. So next time you get a look or a comment, say something like- I know, we aren’t married yet but I can’t wait! It’s going to be in such and such month and I just can’t wait to be his wife, etc. or if they call him your husband, say- not yet, but I am counting down the days! 

Post # 13
Member
155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Alyx19:  Message me if you ever need to talk. I moved from the midwest to the west coast alone, knowing 1 person… (who turned their back on me 3 days before I moved and after booking my one way, non-refundable flight…) It was a complete culture shock… I have been living out west for almost 2 years, and I still am shocked at how different it is… One thing I have learned from this whirlwind of a journey is to never forget where I came from. You will get through it. It sounds like you have a great FI to help, love and support you.

Keep your chin up and be yourself. 🙂

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