Post # 1
My bf isn’t very good at keeping secrets. From various things that he has said, I have realized the he is probably going to propose in late November. I am not suppose to know this, so I don’t want to let on that I am aware of this probability. I also do not want to be disappointed if it does not occur at that time. How can I convince myself to not “expect” the proposal? I don’t want to take away the surprise element from him, but he isn’t being as subtle as he thinks that he is. I feel guilty for even thinking about it happening in November.
I am excited to know that I will be marrying the love of my life! I am starting to not be so excited about wedding planning. The thought of trying on wedding dresses alone, makes me feel a bit sad. I worry about differing opinions from his step-mom and mother during the planning. I am afraid that I will upset people with my choices (for instance, bridesmaids). I worry about the cost of the wedding, and the impact of spending such an amount, on our finances (we are trying to save for a downpayment on a house; withen a couple of years).
How can I keep the anxiety from consuming my thoughts?
Post # 3
@nerdybee: congrats on the impending proposal! Maybe this would be the time to take a look at Mr. Bees plan? It involves doing more for yourself…maybe hit the gym or take a class, anything that can take your focus off the other stuff. I admit that I’m also guilty of agonizing over details like how were gonna get money for a wedding when we need to get our house ready for selling and then we’ll need a new house and we warn kids sooner than later and the list goes on and on. Those things will be there to stress you out after you get engaged, not now! Good luck! 🙂
Post # 4
@purpledaisies: You are so sweetly supportive! I know that my threads “pre-engagement” are probably annoying, but you are one of the few people that can understand the anxiety coursing through my brain.
Mr. Bee’s advice is useful. My boyfriend and I are talking about our holiday plans now (one of such probably involving our engagement), and everytime this flood of thoughts and anxiety related to our families, getting married, our engagement period and wedding planning, comes to the fore of my thoughts, and with it anxiety and a little sadness.
I will make a greater effort to just journal or pin images and ideas on Pintrest when these thoughts come up. I want to get back to enjoying my life and my hobbies.
Is it wierd that I kind-of want to show the bee the design for my ring, but on the other hand kind of just want to wait until after the official proposal so that the final design (with several changes to the original design) is the image that I post?
Post # 5
@nerdybee: I am in a similar boat. I pretty much know my SO will be purchasing the ring soon and I know what some of his “I thought this was traditional” proposal ideas are, so I would ruin it for myself the second I sensed the set-up going on. I finally flat out told him recently in a conversation about proposals, “Look, I love the romantic idea of having my hair and makeup perfect, wearing a pretty dress, and getting a heartfelt public proposal in front of a waterfall…but that’s just not realistic for us. The second I think something might be planned, I’ll ruin the whole thing in my head and it won’t be a surprise. When you decide you’re ready….do it on a random Tuesday when I’m in my pajamas or something. Don’t give me time to predict it. I’m too observant and my mind works too fast. As long as you’ve asked my dad for permission, and you say something cute, it will be perfect.”
It took some pressure off and now I’m confident that my overactive female brain won’t ruin it!
I would definitely do as they said above and stay busy with a hobby or anything you enjoy doing. Then it’ll come and you’ll have that whirlwind planning time (which stresses me out to think about too, I agree with your every word there!) But definitely don’t worry about that bridge until you come to it.
If all else fails, vent to us! That’s what we’re all doing here!
Post # 6
@MissRuthie: I did tell him that the proposal doesn’t need to be an event, I just need him to say that he loves me and wants to be with mye forever, and I would be happy.
He has already secured his proposal plan (during an unexpected paid vacation opportunity in November). It is really sweet, and this is the most work that he has ever put into any sort of planning, but like you I think quickly and am able to figure things out without it needing to be completely spelled out for me (helped greatly by his completely not subtle attempts to cover up his secret proposal plan). I just don’t want to seem under-enthusiastic, and dissappoint him. I want him to see that I do appreciate all of the trouble that he is going through to plan this. I love him, and I really do look forward to getting married to him.
Thank you for sharing your story and for empathizing with me! You bees are awesome.
Post # 7
@nerdybee: hey, we’re all in the same boat honey! everyone needs to let out their pre engagement anxiety! I should use the bee for that more often, to be honest. As far as preplanning I think it’s ok to pin stuff but I haven’t really done much of that. My favorite thing us to ogle rings and watch all the wedding shows. whenever I tried to plan, I just realize that I have champagne tastes and a beer budget and I get frustrated, so I gave that up. Thankfully I’m in school so that should keep me busy.
i havent showed anyone pics of the ring I’m getting, not here or IRL Besides my mom. It’s the only “surprise” element I have left since an actual engagement won’t shock anyone (after 8 yrs it’s expected, right lol). So I say, keep it to yourself if you want! Hopefully your wait is short and sweet!
Post # 8
@purpledaisies: You can PM me if you wanna chat about wedding/pre-engagement anxiety! My bf and I have lightheartedly discussed wedding stuff for over a year now, anything I pin on a secret board has been inspired by these ideas…probably will end up using none of them. I watch wedding shows too, but can’t take any of them seriously (especially Bridezillas).
I am in school too! What year are you? What is your major?
I have shown his mom, since she was hurt that he isn’t telling her anything about the proposal since she spilled the beans on the last idea. The image was only a version of the ring, since it is impossible to show her the final customized design.
Agreed! After so many years an engagement becomes almost socially expected. My relatives started questioning me about it when we were at nearly the five year mark at my sister’s wedding last year. On the flip side, I mentioned the possibility of being married to him just after graduation (Feb 2015), and my sister sounded surprised. Most other acquaintances and old friends have already assumed that we are married. It’s actually similar to when we started dating; we had known one another for 24 hours and his friends that joined us for dinner assumed that we had been dating for awhile!
I hope that your wait is short and sweet too!