Anxiety, Pure O, Phobias, oh my.

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
11300 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Hm, this sounds similar to things that have happened to me. I started learning how to take control of my thoughts, though. My DH deals with this much, much worse than I do.

Like, thinking that someone is going break in if we leave the patio door open. I finally stopped myself from closing at locking the door at night in the summer, because we live in a very safe neighborhood in a very safe city. We live on the third floor and have a high railing on the balcony, it’s got a roof, and it’s enclosed on two sides. No one is going to break in, that’s ridiculous. I had to keep telling myself that and leaving the door open and now it’s okay.

I worried a lot about the wedding, too. I worried that things were going to go wrong, despite my planning, or that people were going to FREAK OUT because we had a secular ceremony and we have some super religious relatives. Things went wrong, sure, but nothing major, and I didn’t let most of it bother me. I let my bridesmaids take care of the one big issue that we had and then I just let it go because it wasn’t going to affect me after that night. 

Basically, any time something popped up, I had to immediately stop it. Deep breath, realize that what I was thinking was ridiculous, tell myself why and counter it, and move on. I mitigate the helpless feeling by being super organized and not letting it overwhelm me. If I feel overwhelmed, I stop and move on to something else and come back later.

Post # 5
Member
305 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@windofadream:  

 

I’m not sure of the answers, I’m trying to figure them out myself. I have this fear that my FI is going to die before the wedding. It’s super morbid, but I feel so hppy that It feels too good to be true. That it’s going to be ripped away from me, that I wont get a wedding or a happy life with the love of my life. But I’m trying to tell myself that all of this is beyond my control, and whatever happens, happens and we will deal with it them. My sister made a good point : if we worry about it, especially to the point of distress, and god forbit it happens, then we suffer for one thing twice and all over again. make sense?

I know  it’s easier said than done. It’s a battle everyday for me

 

 

Post # 6
Member
2163 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I worry that everyone I love is going to die everyday, ever since two and a half years ago when my dad died. I have a mini heart attack every time the phone rings because i think I’m getting THE call that will ruin my life. I used to be a social butterfly, until I was 21 and my dad was diagnosed with glioblastoma multiforme stage IV (brain cancer)…then I started to have panic attacks frequently. Now I am very much a hermit and I have few friends. I have to plan my grocery store visits for a time when I know there won’t be too many people there and I can’t really handle Walmart anymore. I have been to walmart one time in the last six months or so. I haven’t touched a gas pump in over a year (we only have one car so FI pumps gas)…so many things are weird and different for me since I was diagnosed with gad.

I don’t have the answers to any of this either, all I know is that I take it day by day, try not to skip doses of medicine, and stop the negative thinking as soon as it gets into my head. I’m very bad at stopping the thinking, but usually what I do when I’m worrying is try to distract myself with wedding bee or I go through a mental checklist of things I have to do, like fill up the hummingbird feeder that hasn’t been refilled all summer, or start dusting off some picture frames. Also, I stay away from aspartame (which leads to anxiety attacks and fatigue) and junk food and lots of sugar. I have allergies really bad so I take benadryl, and it knocks me out so I don’t have nightmares (which I’ve had for at least the last six years).

I hope things start getting better for you!

Post # 7
Member
2546 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I’m curious: why do you want to drop the medication? If you had, say, cancer; you wouldn’t forego chemo to go the natural route, if you had diabetes you wouldn’t try to ween off insuline. Think about it that way. You have a condition (anxiety, depression, panic attacks)and they require treatment (klonopin, celexa)

do you have a psychiatrist that you can absolutely trust? 

Post # 11
Member
785 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I suffer from extreme OCD. I completely understand your intrusive thoughts. PM me if you ever need anything at all. There are a few other ladies on here that suffer from OCD as well. I also suffer from anxiety with panic disorder. I had a heart attack at 24 from a massive panic attack. I hope things get better for you.

Post # 12
Member
795 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Sorry I don’t have much to offer in terms of medication but I just wanted to say I relate to you re: your fear of dying. It sounds similar to the thoughts I suffer with.

Generally, I don’t have obsessive thoughts but ever since I was 10 or 11, something triggered the overwhelming fear of non-existence. I can make it go away pretty quickly by changing my focus and used to only happen once every few months. But my dad unexpectedly passed a year ago which has somewhat advanced how often I experience the panic because I think of him often.

The last few weeks it has become almost overwhelming, especially at night when I try to go to sleep, and more things are triggering it. Watching a movie or show of a different era (Anything about spartans, ancient rome, the pyramids, US colonization, etc), and Gravity…yeah there is no way I can see that! 

I don’t fear dying. I accept that everyone dies. My panic lies in more the unknown-and the non existence. I get really overwhelmed with thinking that today I’m living, and one day I won’t be, and then it’s just nothingness? It’s do difficult to express the fear in words really. 

I am actually considering hypnosis because I feel like this fear specifically is different than many other anxieties because it is inevitable. 

Has anyone ever tried hypnosis? Sorry if this threadjacked you Embarassed, just wanted to say I relate!

Post # 13
Member
785 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Truthfully though all ssri’s do is make me feel like I’m speeding out. It makes my anxity much much worse. I take kava root every day for my anxiety. I’m prescribed Xanax but don’t like taking it everyday as it’s very addictive.

Post # 14
Member
785 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I actually did try hypnosis but alas am not a candidate for it. To be fair I have insomnia so getting to that relaxed state isn’t exactly possible for me. By all means try it. I hear great things.

Post # 15
Member
2115 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@windofadream:  Hey there 🙂 First of all (((HUGS))) I can absolutely relate to your situation — particularly your newest obsessive fear of dying.

First, I’ll start by saying that I, too, am diagnosed with an anxiety disorder as well as OCD. In fact, I’ve been diagnosed with a zillion things over the years — I’ve learned to just forget about the diagnoses. Half of them were guesses; most of them don’t even really apply anymore as I’ve gotten to understand myself better. I now know that I have really just ONE issue: ANXIETY. Everything (depression, sleep trouble, dissociation, obsessive thoughts, etc.) ALL of it boils down to my anxiety in the end.

My obsessive fears have changed over the years, but my most recent struggle was with an obsessive fear of death. I would lie awake at night thinking about it… At first, everything about death scared me: being dead, the dying process, traumatic death, non-traumatic death… I obsessed over it – watching documentaries about the dying process, reading “near-death experience” stories. I was terrified; I was irrational.

When my fears begin to get this bad, I generally go back to therapy. I’ve had a lot of luck with therapy – especially EMDR therapy (as a lot of my fears are, in the end, rooted back to my past). I did do some EMDR early on when the fears started, but honestly that wasn’t what helped me in the end this time.

What really helped me this time (along w/ Klonopin as needed, which I am doing as well) was getting involved in spiritual groups. I don’t mean religious – I mean spiritual (but not to the exclusion of people with religions). I did a lot of meditation, discussion, past-life regression, working with “my guides” or other peoples’ guides… connecting to things beyond myself. It helped.

And then, one night, I jumped out of bed – my foot was asleep – and I rolled it… and I fainted. Something about the experience was extremely helpful to me. I guess it was noting, afterwards, that my body seemed prepared for physical things (and death is a physical thing). My blood pressure dropped, and I passed out – and when I passed out, there was no pain or awareness of what was going on… and that helped me to reconcile with my fear of the dying process. I no longer obsess over it.

Do I suggest rolling your foot and passing out? No 😛 But if you’re open to it, I do suggest digging into spirituality…connecting with things outside of yourself/outside of your own head. Meditation, yoga, and discussion. I do also suggest therapy if you are not already in therapy (EMDR if you’ve never tried it!).

I found my groups through Meetup.com.

Post # 16
Member
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@windofadream: Please cut yourself a little slack.  When you decrease an SSRI (Celexa) your brain has to re-adapt to the loss of serotonin and begin compensating for that.  And when you don’t have enough serotonin, you’ll feel terrible, emotionally.  Your brain will eventually begin picking up the slack, but it makes complete sense that you don’t feel well now.  Just hang in there and keep seeing the counselor, if that helps 🙂

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