Post # 1
I am so shy and have such anxiety it feels crippling at times (my whole life). Now with planning a wedding, everyone’s asking questions and I have to make decisions that may be inconvient for some people. I’d like to elope, but fiance and family are against that. I don’t want anyone complaining about the choices fiance and I make.
I fear everthing associated with drawing attention to myself and don’t know why. I’ve been like this since I was little. I fear people judging me I don’t know or haven’t seen in a long time. I don’t have any friends, I’m pretty sure it’s due to this.
I never want anyone going out of their way for me. Yet my fiance has mentioned to me, I go very out of the way for everyone. Maybe I feel I’m not good enough or it’s the attention thing, I’m not too sure.
Does anyone have any recommendations or are going though this too?
Thanks for listening bees!
Post # 3
@collieblueeyes: Would you consider anti-anxiety medication? I am on Lexapro and really like it. It simply takes the edge off, I don’t feel dosed or strung out on it. If so, you can just go your family doctor, explain how your feeling, and ask about your options.
When it comes to the wedding, you should do what you and Fiance want. If you want to elope, and Fiance wants a wedding, I think a good compromise is a small, intimate wedding or a destination wedding with just close friends and family.
Post # 4
I would highly recommend seeing a doctor for your anxiety and ask him for recommendations. Medication is an option but can have different effects on different people so make sure to experiment until you find the one that works with the assistance of a doctor.
If you can’t find a way to cope with the anxiety, the pressure of planning the wedding could cause some problems. Eloping is definitely an option! It’s not a bad one either. I vote talk to your doctor first, and then decide with your fiance whether or not you think you can handle a big family wedding!
Post # 5
I’ve had anxiety my entire life. What has worked for me has been therapy (most recently hypnotherapy), Buspar (medication), and deep breathing.
I strongly suggest seeing a therapist so maybe you can figure out why you feel this way and then hopefully you can figure out a way through it.
You definitely don’t want to be overly anxious on your wedding day!
Would you consider taking yoga or something to learn how to relax in a different way?
Just remember that a wedding is one of the biggest triggers of anxiety possible — people who have never had anxiety in their life might experience it while planning their wedding, so you aren’t alone.
Just try to keep things simple (and small, if possible), be true to yourself, and DO NOT worry about what other people think. This is the one time that you and your fiance can make all the decisions and you really don’t have to worry about other peoples’ opinions. Yes, you can be considerate, but if you try to please every single guest at your wedding, you will only drive yourself crazy!
Post # 6
@collieblueeyes: *Hugs* Anxiety sucks. I would definitely go talk to your doctor about getting a recommendation to see a therapist, who would help you figure out if your anxiety could be managed without medication — then, if it can’t, you could go from there about finding which med might be right for you.
Since a wedding is important to your fiance, I’d try to find a compromise between eloping and a big wedding. Maybe he’d be okay with a smaller wedding (though you should think about the fact that a bigger wedding means more guests distracted by each other and not focused on you.) Think about which moments of your wedding hold the most anxiety for you — the first dance? cutting the cake? — and then imagine what changes to those traditional things would make them more manageable. Like, you could drop the first dance altogether if that’s what worries you the most, or if your fiance really wants to do it, you could start it out and then after 30 seconds the rest of your wedding party could join you. You could have individual cakes on each table and ask that the couple at each table who’s been together the longest cut the cake on their table at the same time you’re cutting yours with your new husband. There are so many small changes you could make that might take the pressure off you.
Think about what you really want. If you don’t want a shower, just politely refuse any offers. But maybe you can get to a place where you’d be able to enjoy one? It sounds like you are a generous, giving person, and you should allow the people who love you to be generous and giving toward you sometimes. 🙂
Post # 7
First of all, you are good enough for people to go out of their way for you. I’d agree with the other bees and see if your doctor can do something for you. I would also recommend not doing a sweetheart table, instead sit with your guests so that people aren’t staring at you all night while you’re trying to eat dinner. You could also choose to do a destination wedding, I feel it’s a good compromise between a traditional wedding and eloping. Good luck with everything, and I hope you really enjoy your big day.
Post # 8
Thanks for the suggestions everyone; it really means a lot. I used to do yoga, so I’ll try to get back into that. I exercise everyday and that seems to help a little, but at the end of the day it all comes back.
I’ll think about talking with a doctor. I’m slightly hesisant to begin medication because I’m really sensitive.
Has anyone found any natural remedies? I’ve tried tea, but I think I’d need to drink two pots of it before it takes affect.
Post # 9
Does your Fiance know you have anxiety issues? Could he not be a little more accomodating? Myself and my Fiance are eloping as I couldn’t handle being in front of everyone and saying vows and being the centre of attention. We then will have a big party when we get home to celebrate with friends, minus the public speaking and white dress and speeches etc. Is this an option for you? It seems a shame to spend all that money on a wedding and not be able to really enjoy it 🙁
Post # 10
I recently was diagnosed with depression and anxiety (the two often go hand in hand) and have been seeing a counsellor and taking meds for almost a month now. The wedding sort of triggered this episode but its been a life long battle. I definitely urge you to get help in multiple ways.
See your doctor to talk about possible medication (i know its scarey but i have no side effects after the first week of adjustment), and see a counsellor. My counsellor was the first person i reached out to and she has been wonderful. In fact my fiancee and i had a couples session with her today and she convinced us to have a small private ceremony and then have a large reception. I was having major anxiety regarding the whole wedding and already i can feel myself relaxing because i know the wedding itself will just be for us and at the same time we c an accomodate the large party which is what my Fiance wants.
So i definitely get where you are coming from and your Fiance might now be able to understand where you are coming from. Thats why the counsellor was so amazing because she explained to him in a way he could understand why i needed something smaller for me, and at the same time we can give him the big party he wants.
Honestly feel free to PM me. i’m right there with you.
Post # 11
@collieblueeyes: I know a lot of people use Rescue Remedy and say it works well, but I personally have never used it.