Post # 1
I’ve been doing some thinking and while I am ‘waiting’ for a proposal, most of my anxiety stems from the fact that I’ll be turning 30 in two months. My boyfriend’s future sister in law even made a comment that ‘I’m so happy I’m getting married two months before my 30th bday’. I’ve pretty much felt ill towards her ever since she said that over the xmas holiday. My SO is very aware that I’m worried about turning 30, but he is busy and doesn’t have time to worry about making sure that I’m engaged on my timeline. I know that I am being a little selfish here, but it feels like I just thought I’d be engaged/married/even with kids by now…and I’m just feeling like I have no idea why these things haven’t happened yet. Does anyone else feel this sort of anxiety about turning 30? How did you deal with it? I will happily take any advice at all, please!!!
Post # 3
I was nervous about the “Dirty Thirties” to be honest! I was engaged, but not married and not even thinking about kids yet! Hahaha… I even planned to meet my BFF & my sister for breakfast before work on my 30th birthday, and we were going to hold hands and cry a little bit together. We were having so much fun just catching up, sharing food & memories, and having an all together great time that I couldn’t even fake a tear as we held hands around our table. I had a great day! Turns out I had a pretty great year too 🙂
I’ve found more confidence in my 30s- confidence in myself, in my body, in my relationships with friends & family. I was worried that starting my 30s would mean bidding my youth goodbye (silly, I know, turning 30 doesn’t turn you to dust, but it was an underlying fear of mine). I feel so much better about myself and more secure in my marriage. And I still (pre-pregnancy) met my girlfriends for drinks &/or dessert every week or so.
I didn’t die, suddenly start eating dinner at 4pm and going to bed at 8pm, I didn’t get more wrinkles, and I certainly didn’t stop having fun. I’ve learned that this side of 30 really isn’t so bad 🙂
Post # 4
Don’t think that way! Maybe you are on the exact right timeline for you. I lived in a place that was non-traditional where I went to college, so I think I have a different view. People were in thier 30s in undergrad and my BF was 24 and her boyfriend was 45. He was gorgeous, young, and hip. I guess I don’t really see age as a limiter. I am 29 and I feel better all the time- more confident, care less what others think, am more satisfied with what I have and who I am and what I want out of life. Just try not to compair yourself to anyone else. My sister lives in Manhattan and she said no one really gets married (that she knows) before early 30s. If ever I feel bad about something or jealous, I just remember how glad I am to be WHO I am. It really helps. And how grateful I am for what I do have. Just keep pluggin away toward your personal goals. Try not to let exterior things you cannot control (like when we fall in love and it is right and we marry) get you down.
Post # 5
Don’t let it eat you alive. Worrying about turning 30 will just depress you! I’m 35 now and I’m still waiting. Did you see Marisa Tomei just got engaged at 48?!
So relax and enjoy! 30 is actually pretty awesome
Post # 6
I had a lot of this kind of anxiety in my last relationship – after a while I think my anxiety was pointing to a lot of problems I was having in that relationship. The breaking point was when he neglected to return phone calls and I realized that *complete* strangers were nicer to me than my own boyfriend. And who wants to get married to that?
After breaking up with him I soon started a relationship with my current FI, who couldn’t wait to get married to me and even laments that it took him 7 months to ask me to marry him. I’ll be 30 when we get married. I would have loved to get married in my early-mid 20s, but that’s not what I had in my cards.
OP, you said: My SO is very aware that I’m worried about turning 30, but he is busy and doesn’t have time to worry about making sure that I’m engaged on my timeline.
What is his timeline? Does he even have a timeline? Or is he one of those guys who “will get there when he gets there”? My ex didn’t have any sort of timeline, and was always annoyed when I laid out why I wanted to get married soon (I want to have two kids by the time I’m 35, plus time to travel and enjoy married life). It still gets me angry at myself with how much time (and money in our LDR!) I wasted on him.
Post # 7
If you spend time worrying about it, you will forget to enjoy it..:)
Post # 8
After you pass 30, nothing changes. Nothing at all.
Well, you slowly get better and better at life every day but you certainly won’t notice a huge difference from your late 20’s unless you had some kind of pivotal breakthrough.
Luckily, I was not a numbers-focused person, because my FI proposed to me in my early 30s after 5 years together, and I never thought to pressure him to do it earlier, so there’s no negative history of my trying to force a hurried proposal.
It will happen, the 30th birthday has no bearing on it.
Post # 9
30 is so arbitrary as a goal marker. You’re still young, and most people view their 30s as the best years of their lives (more settled with who you are, finally know what clothing looks best on your body/what haircuts suit, more money, more settled in your career, etc).
It isn’t some magical cliff you fall over if you aren’t married. (and this from a 29-year-old).
Post # 10
i was not at all nervous about turning 30. it’s not a big deal. life doesn’t end at 30. i got engaged at 30 and married at 32 and i’m now 33. i still have plenty of time to have a kid. stop worrying about it!
ETA- jeez my “old” age is catching up to me. i totally got my age wrong at time of engagement and wedding (i was not 31 & 33 so i have fixed that). :-/
Post # 11
Thinking about my “old age” (almost 32!!) brings up some feelings of deep sadness sometimes. I try to keep my mind off of it and listen to the positive words of others (like on the Bee). I will be engaged at 32, married at 33, lots of time, right?!?
Post # 12
I just turned 31 and I am waiting (with light at the end of the tunnel). I feared turning 30 just like you when it happened, but now looking back it was very silly. Being 30 in a meaningful and healthy relationship that is destined to go somewhere beats being in a worse situation when you are 20 right?
People can be happy at any age, and can be miserable at any age, all depending on the situation, not the age. Just live life to the fullest with the attitude of “18 till I die” you will find everyday can be a good day!
Post # 13
i just turned 31 in november, i wasnt nervous about turning 30. i finally felt like an adult, i knew exactly what i wanted, who i wanted, and what i was doing with my life. i had alot of changes happen in the last 2 years. i finally feel like my life is good. i got married when i was 19 and it was the worst decision of my life, i now know what i want and deserve, and if youre in love then youre already on the right foot. you dont have to be engaged yet. you have a man that loves you and theres women that cant say the same.
Post # 14
I’m 38. Didn’t even meet FI until a month before I turned 36.
My 30’we have been amazing!! Like a PP said, I’m more comfortable with myself. I’m happier. I’m more confident. And I am so so so happy with my career, relationshlife friends, life 🙂
dont worry about turning 30. It has honestly been the best decade of my life.
Post # 15
30 is not the end of the world. I’ll be 31 in a month. I got married young thanks to a lot of pressures, right out of college, and it was miserable. There’s a reason I’m divorced. But at 22/23, I had really no life experience and no way of realising how awful of a man I’d chosen for myself. I just knew the relationship was serious and it fit the “timeline” of married in your early twenties, and then kids on the way by your mid to late twenties. (This was before I knew my health problems would make pregnancy impossible for me to do safely, etc.) It was an awful experience, and the divorce was even worse.
Now I have the kind of maturity and wisdom to really evaluate my relationship with my SO and be confident moving forward. I know what things really matter to me and what I want my life to be like, no quibbles. My relationship with him is amazing, and I’m happy as can be, both with him and with my life plans. Being 30 has given me a sense of confidence. My twenties were rocky and often miserable. I’ve got a fresh start for my thirties, and honey, the thirties are fabulous. Don’t worry about how old you are. It’s a number. What matters is the amount of grace, wisdom, and self-possession you develop along the way.
Post # 16
@veryberry13: believe me we all feel that way, but in all honesty, it’s not so bad. i still go gto movies, go swimming, plan holidays etc lol. marriage isn’t everything and i’m just grateful i’ve found a steady fella lol