Post # 1
Sorry if this is not very coherent – it’s been a rough, sleepless weekend for me.
My love has been out of town for business obligations since Friday. I knew it would be difficult to be away from him, but I tried to stay optimistic and decided to try and keep busy while he was gone.
Because of my anxiety, it has been challenging spending these past two nights without him in this big house without even the company of a pet.
I barely slept on Friday night, but I took my best girlfriend out to lunch and shopping just to get out of the house and get my mind off of things. I was already dreading having to sleep alone again and was texting my SO on and off through the day, which I know is rude and is uncharacteristic of me. My best friend was obviously understanding and did her best to support me. I thought I was feeling a little bit better.
When I arrived home that evening to an ominously empty house, I felt panic surging through my chest. I did everything I could to relax: a yoga DVD, a soak in the hot tub, a shower, trash TV, a fudgscicle, phone calls. But I still found myself a sobbing mess that night, alone in his bed, wearing his t-shirt. I woke up this morning feeling like shit, my heart already racing.
This was kind of startling to me, as my anxiety has been pretty well under control lately.
Needless to say, I can’t wait for him to be home this afternoon so I can show him how much I love and missed him.
Post # 2
Man, you think the fudgscicle would have done it.
Post # 3
deetroitwhat: haha! You would think that. Perhaps a pudding pop would have been slightly more soothing?
Anyway, thanks for the laugh. 🙂
Post # 4
I have a similar issue when SO is out of town. We live in a tiny 1 bedroom apartment on the ground floor (we have bars on our windows, not a bad neighborhood at all, but you know, ground floor) Whenever SO is away at a race (he is a coach) I freak out that I’m alone and worry that every sound I hear is an axe murderer Ive watched one too many Law and Order SVU marathons…
However, you seem to be feeling more than a healthy amount of anxiety and if It truly is an issue for you, you may want to talk to someone about it… anxiety is a real health issue.
Post # 5
Yeah… if you crumble and become a mess when your partner is gone for only two nights, then help needs to be sought. At least you tried some decent methods to calm yourself!
Post # 6
Maybe next time see if a doctor can sedate you so you don’t have to be aware of a single minute passing without your man.
Post # 7
SomedayHisBride: Are you seeking help for this anxiety? I get a bit weird when my husband is gone (like I check every single closet…) but I can also deal with it and sleep which is good as he is gone for at least a week at a time.
I get missing him but it seems like your anxiety is not healthy.
Post # 8
- Wedding: April 2013 - Valparaiso, IN
Aw! I hate it when my hubs is gone. It sucks! But keep yourself going. I think you were doing a great job of that!
Post # 10
SomedayHisBride: Sounds like you need more than just anxiety meds. You sound very codependent on your SO, which is not healthy. It might be beneficial to find some solo hobbies that you enjoy so you don’t pine for your twin flame while he’s away.
Post # 9
Sounds a bit on the obsessive side, tbh.
Post # 11
I get sad when my DH is out of town too (25 days right now!) but yours sounds a little bit more extreme. How about having a girlfriend stay over? Can you take some medicine for it? I also work out a lot more when DH is out to town to really get the endorphins up and also eat super healthy.
Post # 12
SomedayHisBride: I agree with others saying that this is more extreme than a typical reaction to a weekend alone.
I sleep a lot better when my husband is home and I also suffer from anxiety (although not related to his absence, I just suffer from generalized anxiety), but I don’t cry or fall to pieces when we’re apart. You need to talk to someone – a therapist or a cousellor of some sort – because this just isn’t a normal response. I assume you don’t spend 24/7 together – you likely both have jobs or hobbies that keep you apart during the day. An evening or two alone every now and then isn’t a big deal. This isn’t a “showing him how much you love him” thing, this is a “showing him you can’t be alone” thing – which really isn’t healthy.
Does your anxiety fixate on something in particular while he’s away? Are you worried about your safety in your home alone? I admit that I side-eye house settling noises at night when my husband is out of town sometimes. Or are you worried about something else?
You need to talk to a professional about your emotional state. I’ve read your other posts, and this is in line with your other reactions to situations, but it isn’t reasonable. No one should be this dependent on a SO for their emotional wellbeing.
You can love someone, and miss someone, and still not be distraught because you’ll be seeing them again in two days. He didn’t die, he didn’t go to war, he was gone for a weekend.
Post # 13
i sleep better when FI is in the bed with me.
however, i think you need to seek help. if you get that anxious without him, you need to find some kind of coping methods.
Post # 14
I’m going to be honest with you, OP, I haven’t acted that dependent on my SO since we were 16. And now I only get the slightest bit nervous without him because I have a pretty severe mental illness and having an episode on my own is terrifying, but I learn to deal because I know he won’t always be there to hold me together. You have to be your own rock in life, it’s not healthy to depend solely on another person to maintain your happiness/well-being.
Post # 15
I would advise you to seek out professional help if you are not already doing so and if you are, to discuss this particular situation with that person. Your reaction to a weekend away from your partner is very alarming. Honestly it seems to reek of codependency (from what’s written) rather than anxiety but you would know best.