Post # 1
So for those of you who have read any of my posts, you may know I ended a 5 year relationship/engagement(towards the end). I finally feel like I did do the right thing. A big issue for me is is depression/anxiety. It causes me to think a little too much. But I’m cuious:
Since being single, I haven’t date anyone (it’s been 10 months) I finally feel like I am starting to like someone but yet for some reason it’s almost a reaction to draw away from it or try to convince myself out of feelings. Do you think this could be from a traumatic past relationship experience working with my anxiety? I’ve liked a couple guys but I tend to try and block out the feelings and in turn end up blocking them out completely. I really think I like this guy and would like to try dating but something in my head always makes me uncertain and scared.
Post # 3
I kind of had the same problem when my SO and I ended a 2 year relationship. I had been in relationships before him but I think I would consider him my true love. When we split up, it was horrible.
There was a guy that was interested in me and we went out to eat and I told him before hand that nothing was going to “happen” that night so dont even try. He asked me if I wanted to go to his house after dinner and hangout with him and some of his friends, I agreed. After I got there, I felt horrible, I was still having emotional thoughts about my ex, mixed feelings. While I was sitting there at this guys house, watching him and his friends play pool and I was wondering if what I was doing was right. Even though my ex and I had broken up and was no longer together, I let my feelings get to me. I felt as if I was cheating. It was a crazy feeling. I even had an emotional break down and told the guy to take me home and I cried all the whole time he was taking me home. To be honest, I felt like a slut. I felt like I shouldnt of been trying to establish another relationship when I still had such strong feelings for my ex.
I let my feelings get to me but this was like a month after my ex and I broke up. I knew I shouldnt have went out on a date with someone that early after a break up but my friends and family encouraged me to “get out and enjoy life”. After that night, I told him that I no longer wanted to go on anymore dates and that its best if we just stay friends.
My ex and I are back together now and I am glad that I didnt try to jump in to relationship with that guy.
With that being said, just do what you think is right. Dont listen to others, like I did because they dont know how you really feel. Listen to yourself and if you do go out with him, tell him the truth about your feelings. Hopefully he’ll understand. I think anyone will agree thats its always good to start off as being honest than making them believe your false feelings.
I hope this helped, good luck.
Post # 4
@TxAggie15: It is totally reasonable to have fear and anxiety when considering dating after the end of a long-term relationship.
What’s your approach been to hanging out with guys so far? I don’t see any reason to jump into 1:1, dinner/movie dates if you’re not ready for it. Have you hung out with single guys in a group setting? It sounds like you have. How have those interactions gone?
If you do want to go on 1:1 dates, start small. Like meeting up for coffee/tea. Remind yourself that it’s just about getting to know someone better. This person doesn’t have to be your husband, but who knows? He could introduce to you the guy who is. Dating isn’t all about finding a mate, it’s about being social. I think seriously considering what your expectations are should help ground you and prevent anxiety from eating at you.
Counseling is always a good idea. It can be incredibly helpful to get someone’s outside perspective as you are going through a life transition.
Post # 5
@TxAggie15: I can somehow relate, even though I wasn’t engaged when my ex-boyfriend of 4 years and I mutually decided that our relationship wasn’t going anywhere. He had been what I would consider “my first true love”.. the emphasis being on “first” here, because my feelings for my now-fiancé are certainly at least as “true love” or even more. After we broke things off I couldn’t even imagine dating someone else again.. ever. I mourned the relationship for five years, during which I experienced the same feelings as you do when guys asked me out.. i felt like I was cheating on my ex, even though I knew that it took him a whooping 2 months to find someone else, go out with her and even buy a house with her!
It is hard to convince those feelings to go away, but all I can say that for me it was time that really made the difference. I am not saying you should wait five years to date again.. in fact, I think I was stupid to wait that long. However, I also think that when you see someone you’re really truly attracted to, your feelings towards that person will be stronger than eventual feelings of duty to your ex-partner. For me, I did some dating after maybe 4 years of having broken up, but I never really felt interest for either of those guys, and the more I saw the more I felt that lost connection to my old relationship, and I knew it wasn’t fair to those guys to pretend that I was ready for a new relationship with them when, in reality, I really wasn’t.
However, when I met my now-fiancé I never had a doubt. I didn’t even think that love on first sight was possible, but meeting him has proven me wrong. Since meeting him and being with him I have hardly ever thought back to my previous relationship, and even though I still have friendly feelings for my ex, I don’t desire being with him anymore.. in fact, I am glad that we didn’t work out, because the relationship I have with my fiancé is so much healthier, even though it was not always easy to adjust to one another.
In sum, I think that 10 months single might simply not be enough for you yet, or the feelings for that guy might not be sufficiently strong. However, if you are really interested, I would suggest simply taking it slow… maybe get to know him casually without even bringing dating up, and see where it goes from there..
Wishing you all the best!
Post # 6
I can understand why you feel this way but in due time I know you will get there again. My advice to you is make this an opportunity to gain a relationship with God If you haven’t already. Make it a matter of prayer in be specific in finding a God fearing man and I cant tell you not to be anxious but try not to be. the Bible provides encouragement on this in (Matthew 6:33,34) This is helping us to appreciate by putting God 1st in our lives he will provide the rest. I hope this brings comfort to you.