(Closed) Anxious about having children…

posted 5 years ago in Parenting
Post # 3
Member
2495 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@peachacid:  I don’t have kids, but she seems a little extreme.

Post # 5
Member
2815 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

She sounds a little over the top to me.

I only have one 9 month old, and while I do worry about things, I am by no means stressed out like that.

There’s nothing wrong with daycare (I think it’s good for them socially). I just don’t understand why your SIL is so off about that. Will she be sending the kids to school??

I would also say that her hubby needs to help out more!

Anywho, there are some days at this point that I don’t get to shower until my DH gets home from work as DD is crawling and all over the place…and doesn’t nap. I do laundry almost every day, yes…but that takes very little time. There’s stress…but life throws stress of all sorts our way. I just go with the flow as best I can.

My life didnt end when I had my DD. It just changed.

Oh, and as for judgement from your MIL – EVERYONE will judge your parenting choices. People just seem to think that they can do better, no matter what you do. You just got to learn to let those things slide.

Post # 6
Member
3371 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

Having kids is stressful.  In daycare, stay-at-home, worrying over every thing they touch or being more laid back… you will have stressful moments no matter what.  BUT, you will also have amazing moments of laughter and appreciation and quiet, peaceful moments when the world feels right.  I get more stressed than usual when we’re out with the kids, because I’m worried about how they’re behaving.  I put my kids in a swing or bouncy seat in the bathroom with me, so I could shower.  If my husband didn’t get up until noon, I’d kill him!  I hope he has a night job or something!  And yes, I do laundry every day~ several times a day.  But… here I am with my oldest kids playing upstairs, my 2 year old looking at books next to me, and I’m typing away on the internet.  It’s not ALL stress! 

As for the mother-in-law, I worry about what my mom thinks about my parenting, but I decided not to let it influence me.  I appreciate her opinion, but in the end, it’s my job to raise these future adults and I’m responsible 24/7… her opinion only matters for a few seconds.  Just do it your way and change it up as you learn what works and what doesn’t, to create the least stressful lifestyle you can, for yourself and them.

Post # 8
Member
2815 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@peachacid:  Oh, I must have misread.

It’s hard to balance babies and a career, but tons of people do it. There’s nothing wrong with daycare. Everyone has an opinion, no matter what you do, someone will judge you.

As for the laundry..well I am a SAHM until October, so I do my laundry, DH’s work clothes, and allllll the baby clothes (and cloth diapers). My DD goes through a lot of clothes now that she eats solids and makes a mess. I usually end up wearing some of the food she’s eating too…so that’s more laudry from me too. lol

Post # 9
Member
8018 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

That is normal- for her. That’s the thing with humans we are all different and there is no right or wrong when it comes to child rearing unless you are abusing/neglecting them!

You will be the type of parent that you are comfortable with and she will be the type of parent she is comfortable with.

She may also be stressed because it sounds like her H is not pulling his weight with the child rearing. She maybe playing the martyr as well in an effort to guilt her H into helping out more etc.

Post # 11
Member
1347 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@peachacid:  Its DEF not normal, yes ive seen mothers being a little more cautious with their first but after a few months even they calm down.

Although I think the husband should be getting up earlier to give a bit more of a hand! (unless he works late that is)

Post # 12
Member
2815 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@peachacid:  Yeah…if I had him as a husband, I would probably be losing my mind too. I’d be so PO’d if my husband was going on and on about how hard it was to have kids, but sleeping in to 11am.

He sounds like a bum. lol

Post # 14
Member
9826 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I have a 4 year old and a 3 week old, and while I consider myself a very vigilant mother, I certainly don’t try to go crazy in terms of hand washing/laundry/chores. My parenting style is more about keeping them safe (not leaving them in the car while I run into the gas station) but letting them explore.

Kids are so much fun. They are going to get germy. They are going to get sick, at some point an injury might occur. You can try to prevent it constantly or you can do your best and accept that sometimes shit happens. I’m not letting my child play with a nail gun out in the garage but I’m not strapping a pillow to her butt at the playground either. Balance.

I don’t put my children in daycare because I stay home with them, but for the record I went to daycare as a child and had a blast. I still remember the lady who took care of us fondly and made a lot of friends there that I had growing up in our town for many years.

I’d guess a lot of this stress comes from being the only person holding it all together. A spouse who doesn’t help can wreak havoc on a mother’s mental state.

Post # 15
Member
2815 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@peachacid:  Well that’s definitely something you need to discuss with FI before you guys get married I think. I would express all of your feelings about that.

It’ll be ok 🙂 You’ll learn to cope with the crap of others!

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