Anxious and Stressed

posted 2 years ago in Married Life
Post # 2
Member
746 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

just takes time beautiful lil bee! 🙂

Student debt is a bitch! You will get there, where you guys living now?

Post # 3
Member
2566 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Megan10513:  I’m in my 3rd year of my PhD program with lots of student debt out from my 4 years of undergrad… it’s so stressful.  My FI, luckily, doesn’t have any student debt.  I get frustrated by how little I make in the program and how much I’ll have to start paying back even a few to several months before I graduate.  You two just need to be there for each other… it’s difficult, but the support from my FI is really what has kept me sane.

Best of luck!

Post # 5
Member
686 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Megan10513:  I’m not going into academia, and I actually didn’t have loans after graduating, but my husband does, and it has been a bit overwhelming to tackle now that we have combined finances. He finished school right before we married, and he is just now starting a part-time job, almost 6 months the wedding. He is also in grad school, and we chose not to take out more loans for that since it is half-tuition and we don’t want to add any more interest issues to the debt. Even with half-tuition, it’s still a big chunk of change each month and his part-time job hasn’t been covering it (his hours are supposed to increase soon so we are hoping that will help). Funny enough, his degree was also in exercise science. He’s getting his master’s in Public Health, though.

At any rate, our plan is just to curb our expenses as much as possible. We are getting creative with DIY projects to furnish our house, are borderline obsessive about our energy costs (LOL), and I’m meal planning and budgeting and saving us hundreds a month that we didn’t realize we were spending before. That can really add up and make a difference in the debt over time.

I feel you on being stressed and anxious. But once we sat down and budgeted and starting taking action in every area that we could control, we were excited to see the ways we could save and put that money towards the debt. It’s like we’re on a mission, working together. Hopefully you guys can support each other the same way. 

Post # 8
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee

Megan10513:  Lets just say for the point of my post that you want to do the following in this order: Get your PhD, buy a house, have a child. I may be guessing, but from the sounds of it you feel that you don’t want to buy a house until all your student loans are paid off…but then would you also not want to have a child until you have paid off your mortgage for your house? To me, debt is debt is debt. I get really anxious about having debt and always want to pay it off as soon as I can, but FI always reminds me we will likely be in debt until we retire due to student loans and having a mortgage, so should we delay our life plans because of that, and should we stop enjoying our lives because of that? No because then I won’t start having children or start having any fun until I’m 50, when my mortgage is paid off. Debt sucks, but for most of us it is the reality of life! We shouldn’t let it stop us from doing what we want to do. I’m not saying be irresponsible and don’t pay it off, just saying tell youself you will pay this much off your loans each month, and save this much per month for a house downpayment, and this much for fun stuff 🙂 Congrats on going for your PhD by the way! What a huge life achievement!!

Post # 9
Member
3347 posts
Sugar bee

Yeah, it just takes time. Basically, we are putting every spare cent into our student loans (well, my SO is….I’m not doing as good a job, but I SHOULD be). After almost a year and a half, his student loans are way way down- one completely paid off and one halfway there. That’s with both of us doing two degrees (undergrad and some sort of post-grad degree). It sucks- I would love to buy a house right now- but it will be worth it in the end to not be paying them off for years with tons of added interest.

Post # 10
Member
5012 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

Megan10513:  Just a note on the house – a house is not necessarily a necessity. You can continue to rent and pay off your loans. Once they are done, then you can worry about a down payment for a house. You can even have children while renting – rent a smaller house, or a larger apartment. 

 

Post # 12
Member
2891 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Megan10513: so, a few things & congrats on your educational and academic achievements. It’s nontrivial to go (and finish) college, much less a masters, when you are the first.

Agree with your husband. Make the payments and don’t let it hold you back from living. The professors I know who had it all (kids, house, career) were VERY clear that it was 100% about the funding – they only went because they got funding.

Some of them also worked in the private sector for the bigger paycheck at points. I know one professor who makes peanuts at his teaching post BUT he consults on the side for private companies (thanks, PhD!) whenever they need experts. His side hustle enables him to live in one of the most expensive COL places because it’s actually the majority of his income. Maybe that’s possible for you?

Your husband’s work is seasonal – has he thought about consulting in the off season? A friend of mine makes anywhere from $10-20k / year in graduate school consulting because he graduated from a prestigious grad program. He does this work 5-15 hrs / week, depending on the admissions cycle, with 15 hrs being a week or two per year. He does it all remotely too.

Agree with PP that a house is a want, not a need. I know an adorable family (mom, dad, baby) who are making it work in a 600 sq ft studio. definitely tight but also doable. 

Totally understand that you want all the things, but you can’t go back in time and not take out your loans. Just figure out what’s really important and prioritze (house vs kids) and maximize (bargain shopping, less starbucks, new entrepreneurial opportunities). 

Post # 13
Member
2891 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Ps, less starbucks isn’t literally saying stop buying starbucks. It’s a metaphor for the small everyday purchases we make without even thinking about whether we need it or not!

Post # 14
Member
906 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Posting mostly to follow because I think we are similar, in terms of stressing and having anxiety about money. It’s a main topic of convo in my life right now because we are weeks away from closing on a house. I had to finally stop letting student debt keep me from living my life. If I waited until we could pay it all off, we’d have to put off a house and kids for a long time. I finally listened to my husband and the people around me. Reading these responses actually helped me too. Sorry I don’t have much to add, because like I said, I’m a lot like you! 🙂

Post # 15
Member
1498 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Megan10513:  “we will always have debt and we should just pay the monthly bills and get on with our lives”

This.  I can’t put my life on hold because of student debt.  I have so much in debt (and my husband has about half what I do) that I will be paying on them forever.  I’m just going to pay what I can and continue on with my life.  You’re not alone.

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