(Closed) Anxious and Stressing about FMIL's reaction, advice? (long)

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
286 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Im really sorry you are going through all of this! I think it would be best to talk with SO about it and let him know that if (when) his mother reacts badly, he needs to stand up to her and let her know that as his future wife You come first not her. Since you both have been dealing with this for so long you should be able to mentally prepare for her reaction and have what should be said already thought out. I think its really important tho that your SO is the one to stand up to his mother and not you, it would only make things worse. I hope that helps… Good luck!!

Post # 5
Member
3417 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Lodge

Unfortunately you can’t make someone react the way you want them to. Tell them like you planned on and if things get uncomfortable and dramatic than ask FI if you can leave the party. I’ve had to do that a few times, most recently Thanksgiving. Hopefully things will work out like you want them too.

Post # 6
Member
1304 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

If she doesn’t want to be accomodating about your schedule, then don’t accomodate hers.  You’re already busy on xmas eve.  I don’t see why it has to be any more complicated than that.

Post # 8
Member
1304 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Eckle: I get it.  My point is that you shouldn’t let her manipulate the situation.  There is no reason to accomodate her by showing up if she’s just going to make the terms difficult for you.

Post # 10
Member
51 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

it doesn’t work in every situation or with every unpleasant person, but what I try to do when people express disapproval or criticism about something at a time when that’s not appropriate is to confuse them (i.e., shut them up) with a cheery non-sequitor.  the trick is to do it without sounding snarky/sarcastic (which can be hard!)

e.g.:

you/FH: we’re engaged! 

FMIL: <something halfhearted or negative>

you: I know!  we’re also SO EXCITED and happy!  We’re so glad you’re also so happy for us!

FMIL: <is either confused, or tries to repeat negative comments>

you: <either keep talking about how happy you are, or change the subject completely>

Post # 11
Member
4660 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@kjthomps:  THIS THIS THIS DO THIS.

The topic ‘Anxious and Stressing about FMIL's reaction, advice? (long)’ is closed to new replies.

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