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Ummm…the problem is that there seem to be vastly different expectations for bridal party responsibilities. Some brides just want their bridesmaids to show up and wear a matching dress; for other groups of friends it might be more normal for the bridal party to host the shower. It is entirely possible that your MOH has no idea that you would like her to throw a shower for you. It's also possible that your friends will greatly resent having to pay for your shower, and won't say anything since they don't want to cause drama before your wedding.
Also, please keep in mind that your MOH is recovering from surgery and her focus might not be on your wedding right now. Co-payments for surgery is quite expensive, and she may have fallen behind at work.
If you do decide to request a shower (and please think about that decision carefully, since you are putting people in a bad spot where it is hard for them to say no when you ask them) you might want to try to spread the responsibilities around. Our friends had their engagement party this way - one friend had a large house, so she hosted the party. Another friend volunteered to bring all of the alcohol, and I made all of the desserts. That way it wasn't particularly expensive, plus the expense was shared among a lot of people who weren't in the bridal party. Perhaps one of your bridesmaids could host the party at her house and it could be a potluck or a bbq to cut down on expenses?
I wouldn't worry about it just yet, you have PLENTY of time. She probably has so much to do that she hasn't had time to plan it yet. Have you sent out STDs yet? Usually showers are after STDs are sent so people know you're getting married.
Yes you should definitely hold off on asking her about the bridal shower. You mentioned that you just asked people to be in your bridal party very rencently. It would be rather overbearing for you to start telling them the things you want/expect so soon. I'm not saying that you're being demanding but you should step back a bit and be more understanding of their situations. Just give all of them some time, no worries. :)
I also hope that you can patch things up wtih your family. Sorry to hear that you're estranged from them right now.
You have PLENTY of time. Here are a few reasons why:
My bridal shower will be about a month before the wedding. You have plenty of time - I really wouldn't worry about it right now. If she hasn't brought the topic up in a few months, I might carefully bring it up.
I think it is a little to soon to be worried about this. You just asked her to be a bridesmaid 2 weeks ago. She hasn't even written your date in her calendar yet let alone think about showers or bach parties. Also, like poster above there are different views on what the MOH should do. In fact my MOH offered to host an engagement party. My mom's friends offered to host the shower. bridesmaids hosted the bach party. I thought this was fair so that it wouldn't be a burden on any one person or group of people. Just give everyone some time to get the idea of your wedding in their heads. People will start asking in a month or so. Mine waited to say something until 2 months prior to wedding day.
My bridal shower was a little less than two months before the wedding. I agree with the others that it's too early to start worrying about whether your MOH will plan your shower. Give it a couple of months, and if she still doesn't mention it, it would be okay to tell her that a bridal shower would mean a lot to you and that you'd love to have one if she's up to planning it.
Definitely too soon. My shower was a MONTH before the wedding. Give her until August before you start worrying =]
My shower was about a month and a half before the wedding, and I think they picked the date in mid Jan and started planning for a feb 26th shower. So there is time. And, I agree with the others that since you just asked, she probably needs a little time.
I think you should hint at your bridesmaids in general, so that the responsibility doesn't all fall on your MOH. This is because she is recovering from surgery and you did in fact just ask her to be a MOH not too long ago. Even a family member could throw it(relative)....but I would first start hinting with your BMs, and MOH, together....perhaps they can work together to throw it. I can see why you're anxious....your date is early October?? I would definitely NOT just rely on MOH then! Get going with others:)...j/k, but I would definitely invest other people.
My wedding is in December, and my shower is going to be October 23rd, so I am just saying....you do need to hurry! If needed you can always do it right before the wedding or even tied together with your bachelorette party! Hope things work out.
Thanks to everyone who commented and gave input and advice!
Update . . . . my MOH and I began discussing possible bridal shower and bach party plans not long after I started this thread . . . and we've been planning away on the shower ever since! I'm helping her out a lot. She is now the only BM I have in the same town as me, because my other one just dropped out unexpectedly after judging a decision I had to make on my own (see other posts by me, it was recent). And my shower will be held two nights before my wedding, so I can have my sister-in-law and mom-in-law present, since they're both from out of state!
We're getting excited! I have no clue how many women will actually attend . . . we sent out 30 invitations, but so far, only 2 people have RSVP'd? Is that a poor ratio for the shower being in only 2 1/2 weeks or so?
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My MOH is awesome. Seriously. I love her so much as a GREAT friend and also for being so excited and supportive of me and now of me and my fiance and our wedding!
We are just at the VERY beginning of wedding planning, I only asked her to be my MOH (to her great delight!!) about 2 1/2 weeks ago. She's most of the way through a major recovery from serious facial/jaw surgery and reconstruction, but is doing great and healing fast. She was already a month into recovery when I last saw her and asked her to be my MOH.
Anyhow, we stay in touch through email, text, and a couple phone calls. She lives in my same town. I sent her an email a couple of days ago, and she's on the roll with being ready when I am to hunt down the gown, etc. I mentioned that I needed to get with her for wedding planning and shower, etc. (I tried to insert shower stealthily), and she's gung-ho, but she has yet to say ANYTHING about hosting and planning a shower for me.
My other two (possibly three, when the third gives me her yes or no) bridesmaids haven't mentioned desiring to throw me a shower, either. Honestly, my MOH is really into doing a lot of stuff and has shown the greatest enthusiasm (second to her is my FSIL who I just asked to be a bridesmaid and SHE lives 7 HOURS away from me! I don't expect her to throw a shower being long distance).
So, am I wrong to be a tad anxious about my MOH not saying anything about planning and/or hosting a shower? None of my immediate family is even speaking to me, let alone my very own mom who up to a few months back, was one of my BEST Friends. My extended family all live at least 1,700 miles from me and are elderly for the most part, so I don't expect anything there. And my fiance's parents live literally across the United States. All I have are close friends!!
Also, if I really would like to have my once-in-a-lifetime bridal shower, how do I "hint" at that with my MOH without being rude? How far can I go? Is it bad etiquette to actually voice my desire somehow? I am so new at this, and am learning really only based on lots of reading in books and on boards like this one. And, when am I supposed to expect to have a shower if my wedding is in a little under 6 months from now??
ANY advice/input/experience would be greatly appreciated!! I'm posting this in two boards, this and parties, because I'd love some help! Thanks so much!!!!