Post # 1
I don’t want to call it “cold feet”. It’s not quite that intense, but I’ve been getting this weird blood rush everytime I think of how LONG marriage is. It’s kind of hard to explain, but I’ll try:
Let me preface this by saying that I am 100% certain that my FI is the man for me, and I truly do feel blessed that he “chose” me. It’s like God pulled all kinds of strings to make sure we met, and it worked. However, I just read the thread about the OP thinking about leaving her BF after running into her ex, and someone mentioned that their cousin was in a relationship for 10 years. 10 YEARS. It amazes me. People change SO MUCH within that time frame. We’ve already been together for 3 1/2 years (almost 4 by the time we’re married). Even after we’re married for 20 years, we’d still only be 48, which is still VERY YOUNG in my opinion. Yes, I’m sure the relationship will wax and wane between companionship and romantic love, but every time I think of it, I just get slightly overwhelmed. Is this natural? Do you other ladies feel like this sometimes and we just aren’t supposed to talk about it?
The female members of my family haven’t been the greatest examples either: they’ve all left their committed partner (either married or engaged) for other people. Since my FI’s first wife cheated on him, I vowed I would never do that to him – I know the pain it causes. But seriously… does anybody else ever feel slightly overwhelmed by “forever” and all the things that can happen between then and now? (children, illness, addictions, finances) How do you deal with it? Do you just cross your fingers and pray that it all works out?
Summary: I’m not doubting my FI or our relationship, it’s just the general vagueness and uncertainty about the future that scares the crap out of me.
Post # 3
Yeah I think what you’re feeling is pretty normal. Forever is overwhelming to me whether it’s being married or eating healthy or never smoking a cigarette again. (I do better at the cigarettes then the eating currently) So I just kind of take it one day at a time. I can handle what life throws at me today, and today I’m soooooo happy to be with my FI
Post # 4
The word Forever freaks me out so bad that I have semi- panic attacks over it at night. Thinking about life/death/afterlife/marriage etc – just the notion of “forever” is scary and sort of daunting. Take life day by day, don’t dwell on the word or the idea. That’s what i try to do
Post # 5
What emilygrace07 said is true. You are making a big decision by choosing to get married, and it’s not a choice that you just make once. It’s one that you will keep making over and over again, for the rest of your life. Thinking about anything in those terms can cause a little panic, but it’s completely normal. It sounds like you really know in your heart that your FI is the one you want to keep choosing for the rest of your days.
Post # 6
Also wanted to say, since I didn’t in my original post, I feel this way too sometimes!!
Post # 7
*sigh of relief* I didn’t think I was crazy, but I just feel like nobody talks about it, so I felt almost guilty for feeling this way.
Post # 8
You’re not crazy. You’re just getting married.
Yes, it’s like a ‘holy crap’ feeling when those sorts of thoughts creep in. It has little to no bearing on the state of your relationship. ‘What ifs’ are scary!
Especially with stories of divorce or broken relationships all over the place, it’s hard not to think of the long-term; but trust that you and your FI are in a good place witht he best of intentions at heart.
I sound like a broken record, but have you checked out Shery Pauls works? She wrote “The Conscious Bride” and writes on her blog about topics like this (conscious-transitions.com and consciousweddings.com).
Post # 9
I’m feeling those “pins and needles” as well. I was supposed to get married in Sept this year but have to change my date now. Is it bad that I felt a sign of relief? not because I don’t want to get married or don’t adore my FI…I just thought “yes!! I have more time to do the things I WANT” to just do ME as some people put it without have those guilty feelings of compromise…does anyone else feel that way?