Any advice? I don't know how to tell my FI…

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1327 posts
Bumble bee

I’d be honest and emphasize the “I want to be your wife and I don’t care about having a big wedding” part, and downplay/omit the “Your aunt is making it all about her” part. 😛

Good luck! 🙂

Post # 4
Member
45 posts
Newbee

I would talk to both of them together & tell them exactly how you feel. If you’re content w/ getting married at the courthouse, you should tell your FI. As for his aunt, explain to her how you feel. She’s probably just excited & caught up in planning the wedding…She probably doesn’t even realize that she’s taken over control.I’m sure that if you tell her how you feel, she’ll back up and you’ll be able to work together. You won’t help matters any if you remain silent. Best Wishes

Post # 5
Member
3874 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Are you and your FI paying the $4000?

 

Post # 6
Member
1570 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

No centerpieces?  Not required.

Have family make food?  I dont think that is workable. 

Post # 7
Member
6048 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

She’s paying.  I know people will come and say, but it’s my wedding I don’t care who pays.  When parents used to pay they DID plan everything for their daughters.  I have my grandmother’s torturous wedding pics to prove she had nothing to do with the wedding planning, she looks like she’s sucking a lemon, and my great grandmother is beaming because she planned the entire thing.

That’s why you plan/pay for your own wedding.  It’s like borrowing your parents car, if you buy your own you don’t have to work around their schedules or their wants. 

I would talk to your FI about this.  I don’t find it wrong that his Aunt went to him to talk about the offer, he’s her family.  Tell him how you feel and see if she can get some deposits back and just go to the courthouse.

 

Post # 9
Member
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

If you’re paying you 100% should get to make your own decisions. Tell her you appreciate all her help planning, but that this isn’t your dream. If you’re uncomfortable doing that FI has to talk to her. Don’t pay all that money for a wedding you’re unhappy with. We are planning a low budget wedding and we are picking and choosing the important things. It’s totally possible to get something you’ll be happy with for that budget. But not if you don’t speak up. 

Post # 10
Member
3344 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island

@laurenrenee33:  +1000

@MrssRath:  I understand not wanting to hurt her feelings.  But why would you allow her to make the final decisions when you’re the one paying for it?  Is she contacting vendors on your behalf and telling them to change things you’ve asked for?  If you don’t want a wedding and just want to go to the courthouse, then do that.  Tell her you appreciate her advice/help, but you can’t afford a $4000 wedding and don’t want one.  $4000 is A LOT of money.  Don’t feel pressured into spending your own money when you really don’t have to.

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