Post # 1
My FI and I have been kicking around ideas about our wedding. We don’t have a lot of money, so we decided that we were just going to go to the courthouse and get married that way and later on down the road if we wanted to do a big vowel renewal, we’d do that in a few years.
Well, my FI’s aunt offered to help us plan our wedding. (She actually talked to my FI about it, not to me at all about it.) She told my FI that she could plan us a wedding and reception for about $4,000 but we would just have to trust her and deal with compromises. (EX: no centerpieces, to have family make the food, etc…) Well this sold my FI because he wants me to have the “big wedding I always dreamed of.”
To be perfectly honest, I’m just fine with just going to the courthouse and marrying him. The whole big and expensive wedding isn’t what I’m in this for. I just want to be his wife. Well… Here’s where my problem comes in. As she goes along it’s becoming more HER wedding than MY wedding. The colors I wanted were lavender and silver/white, now she wants to change it to sapphire blue because she thinks it’ll look more appealing on everyone, which just happens to be the colors from her wedding. Every time I say something I get the ‘we can’t afford that’ or it just gets thrown by the wayside and she continues what she wants to do.
I really do appreciate her wanting to help us get this done but I’m losing MY wedding. I don’t want to look back on MY wedding and see HER wedding. I just don’t know how to bring up the subject. His aunt practically raised him and she is the one person in his family that he cares about, opinion wise, doesn’t want to fail her, etc. I don’t want to fight with him about her totally taking over my wedding and I definitely don’t want her feelings to get hurt either. I don’t know what to do??
Post # 3
I’d be honest and emphasize the “I want to be your wife and I don’t care about having a big wedding” part, and downplay/omit the “Your aunt is making it all about her” part. 😛
Good luck! 🙂
Post # 4
I would talk to both of them together & tell them exactly how you feel. If you’re content w/ getting married at the courthouse, you should tell your FI. As for his aunt, explain to her how you feel. She’s probably just excited & caught up in planning the wedding…She probably doesn’t even realize that she’s taken over control.I’m sure that if you tell her how you feel, she’ll back up and you’ll be able to work together. You won’t help matters any if you remain silent. Best Wishes
Post # 5
Are you and your FI paying the $4000?
Post # 6
No centerpieces? Not required.
Have family make food? I dont think that is workable.
Post # 7
She’s paying. I know people will come and say, but it’s my wedding I don’t care who pays. When parents used to pay they DID plan everything for their daughters. I have my grandmother’s torturous wedding pics to prove she had nothing to do with the wedding planning, she looks like she’s sucking a lemon, and my great grandmother is beaming because she planned the entire thing.
That’s why you plan/pay for your own wedding. It’s like borrowing your parents car, if you buy your own you don’t have to work around their schedules or their wants.
I would talk to your FI about this. I don’t find it wrong that his Aunt went to him to talk about the offer, he’s her family. Tell him how you feel and see if she can get some deposits back and just go to the courthouse.
Post # 8
I’m just worried about hurting her feelings. I don’t want to start off our married life with one of the most important people in his life upset about something like this.
I thought it was tacky to ask family to bring a dish to our wedding, which was one of the suggestions but I didn’t want to say that out loud.
We are paying for the whole thing, she just wants to plan it.
Post # 9
If you’re paying you 100% should get to make your own decisions. Tell her you appreciate all her help planning, but that this isn’t your dream. If you’re uncomfortable doing that FI has to talk to her. Don’t pay all that money for a wedding you’re unhappy with. We are planning a low budget wedding and we are picking and choosing the important things. It’s totally possible to get something you’ll be happy with for that budget. But not if you don’t speak up.
Post # 10
- Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island
@MrssRath: I understand not wanting to hurt her feelings. But why would you allow her to make the final decisions when you’re the one paying for it? Is she contacting vendors on your behalf and telling them to change things you’ve asked for? If you don’t want a wedding and just want to go to the courthouse, then do that. Tell her you appreciate her advice/help, but you can’t afford a $4000 wedding and don’t want one. $4000 is A LOT of money. Don’t feel pressured into spending your own money when you really don’t have to.