(Closed) Any advice means the world to me- Have to decide tomorrow- Cancel wedding?

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 4
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I don’t really see any reason to cancel your wedding, except for a monetary issue.  IMO, the reasons to call off your wedding have to do with you and your FI, if you don’t want to marry him. 

Is there any way that you can send some money to your vendor and promise the rest next month?  Or pay half to the vendor and half rent and work something out with each party?

I’m sorry that your family has been so horrible to you, but don’t let them ruin your big day!  Remember that it’s not about them, it’s about celebrating your bond and your new life with your FI!

Post # 5
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Shoot, I wish I could give you a hug. You sound like a very gracious person who’s just been worn thin and disappointed over and over. 

Honey I think you need to wash your hands of the $750 and elope. I mean, seriously. Your family is acting ridiculous. We all have some ridiculous family members but yours are taking advantage of you. I think it’s time to stand up and say “it’s not about you, it’s about me” and do what is right for you and your husband to be. Throwing the wedding for them is not the way to enjoy being newly married.

I’m of the firm belief that you should never really sacrifice yourself for others in the ways you are talking about. It’s one thing to sacrifice and give, to help, etc. But they are burning you. You can’t expect them to really be there for you…take care of yourself. Put yourself first.

If they impose the thunder, you have every right to say, “call me when you are calm” and hang up. It’s a technique a grief counselor gave me and it WORKS with my dad. I felt SO guilty at first letting him rip me a new one but really, sometimes you gotta do it. It’s for the best.

You cannot NOT pay your rent in order to pay for the wedding. It’s NOT WORTH IT. If they are SO selfish they cannot see that you are cancelling the wedding because of finances (rent vs wedding? hmmm. that’s money), they will just have to freakin’ get over it.

Post # 6
Member
611 posts
Busy bee

I think you should just say “screw you” and run off with your FI and the people that you love and you know love you back and go get married somewhere. Go to Vegas! Go to the court house! Just do whatever make YOU happy and will keep YOU from stressing! If things are that bad with your family then you shouldn’t have to deal with that. I hope everything works out for you and your FI! I will keep you in my prayers! (Hugs from Alabama)

Post # 7
Member
8354 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

I am so sorry you are having to go through all of this. If I were you, I would exclude your family from the wedding and just do something with FI, best friends, and possibly your FI’s family. I think you would be much happier if you cut ties with the family members that are toxic for you and just included everyone that is not toxic.

Post # 8
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

My honest opinion is that you should have a small wedding and not include your family who seem to have been nothing but a negative influence on you in your life. The point of a large family wedding is to share joy with people that love you because you WANT to share it with them, and you definitely do not. You won’t enjoy your wedding with them there but if you stick to a small wedding with the people who DO love and respect you and will be legitimately happy for you and not trying to use you in some way, you will be much happier. And do you honestly care at this point about hurting your family by not inviting them? Sounds like they have it coming to them.

Post # 9
Member
4024 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I wouldn’t have a wedding just for them. Do it for you and your FI. If all you want is a small something with him and your best friends, than do that. Don’t waste your money and time and energy on a wedding that you don’t really want and your family won’t appreciate anyways.

Post # 10
Member
293 posts
Helper bee

I couldn’t agree more with the PPs who said have small ceremony/elope!

It’s one thing to have to invite your crazy Uncle Larry or eccentric Aunt Bea, but having your immediate family be so manipulative and destructive . . . the mo distance the mo better, IMO. 

Ejs is right – it sounds like you have spent your life taking care of everybody else (maybe a little codependency here, but I am certainly no expert!).  Your wedding creates a great opportunity to distance yourself from your family (even if it’s just an arm’s legnth distance) to create a safe space within which you can focus on taking care of yourself and your FI, and focusing on your relationship. 

Walking away is always tough – the guilt, the backlash, worrying about regret, what other people will say/think . . . I have *so* been there.  But I can say that I have never regretted making any of those decisions, and I have learned that I really do know what’s best for me, and that being true to myself is worth more than making my family happy. 

((Hugs)), Doll.

Post # 11
Member
96 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

ELOPE ELOPE ELOPE..

 

Post # 12
Member
3125 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

HOLY COW. Woman, you should use all of the money you were going to put down for the big family wedding and treat YOURSELF for once. Enjoy time with your soon to be and do not worry about what anyone thinks. ENJOY IT. ENJOY IT ENJOY IT ENJOY IT!

Post # 13
Member
493 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

My advice: elope!

Post # 14
Member
494 posts
Helper bee

I think in your situation, I would just call the 750.00 a learning experience and then elope with my FI. Your wedding day is suppose to be about you and its suppose to be happy. It sounds like your family may make it about them and ruin your happiness. Whatever you choose…..Good Luck!

Post # 15
Member
210 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Yep, if I were you, I would elope. Your family has the rest of their/your lives to bring you down. Don’t let them do it on what should be such a joyous day. Best of luck to you!

Post # 16
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee

Do any of your family members genuinely seem happy about your marriage or have provided you with any support throughout your planning? With all of the selfishness that your family has exhibited, it would be pretty ridiculous of you to put their needs first. After all that you’ve been through in life this is the one day that you get to put your wants and needs first.

It seems like you’ve always been there for your famliy but in the few times that you’ve needed their support, they’ve just let you down. You can’t chose your family but you CAN make decisions for yourself and be in charge of your own happiness. More power to you if you want to celebrate your mariage with your closest friends. It looks like you’ve have a wonderful time and have people there who really care about you and FI. 🙂

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