(Closed) Any awkward Divorce Families?

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
624 posts
Busy bee

My DH’s parents hate each other with a passion.  We tossed around the idea of having a come to Jesus meeting with them but DH never did.  It’s a few hours of their year and they are adults.  They need to put their big kid undies on and suck it up.

Are you close enough to have a chat?  Hire security?  Ask someone to be their watcher?

I’m sorry you are dealing with this.  You should be able to enjoy your wedding and husband rather than worry about who is going to act out?

Post # 4
Member
624 posts
Busy bee

Also you can’t control their behavior.  You can only control yours.  Their behavior will be a relfection of them, not you.  Remember this!  This is about the only thing that got me through my wedding with my MIL.

Post # 5
Member
1003 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

My FI’s parents HATE HATE HATE each other. They apparently barely kept it together during his sister’s high school graduation. Since FI and I aren’t sure what we are doing yet wedding wise I haven’t been too worried but as others have mentioned, they are adults and they can pull it together for a couple of hours. And if they bitch at each other, they are making themselves look like a-holes not you.

 

 

Post # 6
Member
683 posts
Busy bee

Maybe sit them all down and threaten to elope if they don’t behave themselves? Total guilt trip. Also- maybe make sure that they all have their awkward moments beforehand- like at showers or the rehearsal- maybe they will be able to work it out.

Post # 7
Member
258 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

My parents have not seen each other in 22 years and they HATE each other. I worry about this too. Therefore I have given  2 people at our wedding the job of being “the watch men”. Their responsibility is watch for a possible fight between my parents, and if one does start…to make them move it someplace away from the celebration.

They both say that they will be “good boys and girls”, but heated emotions and drinks do – not – mix, so I am preparing for the WORST!

Good luck!!

Post # 9
Member
1585 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

My parents have talked a whole 2 times since I was 8.  Talk about awkward at my wedding. Especially since my bio-dad is not in any part of my wedding. 

Post # 10
Member
74 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

My parents divorced when I was 2, and my dad was not the husband or father he should have been for quite a while. It was messy, and to put it mildly, my mom resented my dad for much of my life.

When I got engaged, my FH got all of my immediate family together — parents, grandparents from both sides, siblings… and what an undertaking! My mom and dad both knew ahead of time, and had no problem with it. When my grandmother (mom’s side) was invited, she absolutely refused because SHE still resented my dad. Apparently my mom had to break the surprise to my grandma, and once my grandma found out WHAT the dinner was for, she was all over it. I was happy to have everyone there, and it was something I never thought I’d see (I was 21, and my parents had not been in the same together for 19 years). When I got there, I was worried because I could feel some tension between some people (gotta love grandmas… lol), but my mom and dad turned out to be SO great about it. By the end of the night everyone was talking, laughing, and smiling (and crying :)).

I know it might be wishful thinking, but I hope your FH knows his parents both well enough to be able to predict how they will act. If he has a good relationship with both of them, I don’t think it matters how much they despise eachother, because they will both be focused on something different: their son getting married.

I know someone above said to sit them down and threaten them… but I don’t think that’s a very good idea. Unless they have given you reason to doubt the fact that their love for their son will outshine their hatred for eachother, there is no reason to embarrass another adult (especially a parent) that way. It’s condescending and hurtful.

I would say let your FH make the call. He knows them both. But I am willing to bet you are worrying over nothing 🙂

Post # 11
Member
612 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I love the supersoaker idea:)   If anything you can run some tape down the middle of the reception and tell them to stay on their sides, and to make it even more fun put the bar on one side of the tape and the bathroom on the other:)  But if that turns out to be too much trouble maybe you should just let things be known that this day is not about their drama it is about the two of you.  I think small suggestions go a long way, such as “FFIL is his father so he deserves just as much time with us during the wedding as FMIL” or “FMIL will sit in the front pew row just like FFIL, because they are both his parents.”  Good luck!!!

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